That you don't ask guests to change their wedding outfit?

[poopsqueak]

Got a phone call this morning from my brother (sheepishly) asking what I was wearing to his wedding.

I told him 'black dress' and asked why and he said his wife to be is worried ill either 'stand out' or 'fade into the background' and could I change it?

The wedding is in 2 weeks, I've had the dress for 2 months (no return period) and my mum (mother of the groom) has had the same call. My mum just said yes though. She had a navy pant suit that she had bought and went out and bought another pink dress to be more in theme.

I don't have an official part of the wedding though so i don't think I am messing up a theme. Also I got the dress as it was neutral and made me feel good. It was also £150 and I just can't afford another one.

What should I do?

Giddyaunt

Men can definitely not just do what they like!

Everymummy - I know. A pp Said that even men shouldn't wear black for a wedding so it wasn't a sexist thing that only applies to women. I disagreed and used the link to support that.

I assume those who think it wrong to wear black to a wedding think it is ok for a man to wear black to a wedding?

"Just to reiterate that this does not seem to apply to men, just women as usual. Men can do what they like."
Traditionally they can't, actually. Grey morning coats only for weddings. And definitely nothing floral

Whoops I missed that there had already discussion about this. Sorry. Phone hasn't updated.

Men don't normally wear black at a wedding either.

Just asked DH what he thought of men wearing a black suit to a wedding.
DH: well some brides like that don't they? Wasn't Pippa Middletons dad in black?
Me: yes, but not in the wedding party, just as a guest
DH: oh no. That's a bit risky. Only if dictated by the couple. Grey is safe, right?

So I don't think either of us would think it acceptable to rock up to a wedding in black, unless asked to by the couple of course.

I personally wouldn't wear black to a wedding but I wouldn't have cared if any of my guests had worn black to mine (in fact, I'm sure one or two did? Some defo wore white and I didn't give a damn about that either - who are all these overly precious brides?!)
Regardless, if you going with a theme was so important then they should have had the courtesy to inform you waaaaayyyy before now.
Don't put yourself out of pocket by buying another - accessorise with pink hat/bag/shoes etc if you can. That's a fair compromise?

William had a black morning suit jacket on yesterday!!

My brother wore a black suit to his wedding. Many, many men do and nobody bats an eyelid.

Well obviously if you know black is part of the theme, (as at Pippa's) or if it's your own wedding, it's different.

But if you know you're going to a summery, pastel themed wedding, black is odd. For men or women.

But they didn't know that though did they batter , a phone call 2 weeks before to announce a theme is the only thing that is rude in this situation.

Wh0Kn0ws - look at the link above of all those men in wedding attire. Almost everyone is in black, charcoal, dark grey or dark navy. Every wedding I go to most of the men are in very dark sombre coloured suits. It's more unusual to see men in bright or light suits ime.

Charcoal, grey, navy yes, generally not black IME.

So, the bride, after learning the colour, is worried you'll either stand out or fade into the background? Can she not make her mind up about her objection to black? Sounds totally bogus.

Possibly, the bride, not yet knowing the colour, asked the groom to check the colour of your dress in case you might have chosen a colour that fades into the background or stands out too much. Your brother decides that black is one of these (either fades or stands out). Still bonkers.

Wear the dress and feel fabulous!

Black jackets are standard for Scottish highlandwear too.

And at many royal weddings too apparently, along with some very pale outfits which look white and cream in photos. Tut

Just seen the dress. It's lush!!! Wear it.

OP your poor brother is in for a hell of a life after he gets married.

Remember the bride isn't just objecting to op. They've also called her mother, aunt and cousins and asked them to wear pastels too

I wonder if your future SIL will look back and cringe at her ridiculous requests when planning her wedding.
I'm cringing on her behalf.
Wear your dress!

Remember the bride isn't just objecting to op. They've also called her mother, aunt and cousins and asked them to wear pastels too

Makes no difference, it's too late, they had their outfits planned and bought.

Just thought people are funny about the whole wearing black to weddings. May I suggest a white dress instead?

It's not customary to wear black to weddings (and morning dress is not a black suit because the trousers are grey stripe) but customs change over time. If someone's already bought their wedding outfit, whatever it is, it's extraordinarily rude to tell them two weeks before the wedding that the outfit won't do and they need to buy another one.

I agree that the most OP should do, if she cares to, is buy a bright scarf or pashmina.

I meant it in context of those moaning about the black dress giddyaunt - I was pointing out that the bride seems to want themed puppets so would probably have been unhappy with whatever op bought

I think it's pretty rude to buy an outfit for a family wedding without enquiring about colour scheme tbh.