That you don't ask guests to change their wedding outfit?

[poopsqueak]

Got a phone call this morning from my brother (sheepishly) asking what I was wearing to his wedding.

I told him 'black dress' and asked why and he said his wife to be is worried ill either 'stand out' or 'fade into the background' and could I change it?

The wedding is in 2 weeks, I've had the dress for 2 months (no return period) and my mum (mother of the groom) has had the same call. My mum just said yes though. She had a navy pant suit that she had bought and went out and bought another pink dress to be more in theme.

I don't have an official part of the wedding though so i don't think I am messing up a theme. Also I got the dress as it was neutral and made me feel good. It was also £150 and I just can't afford another one.

What should I do?

BillSykesDog "I find it really hard to believe that someone could get to 29 without hearing about black at weddings if they lived in the U.K"

I have lived here in the UK for almost 60 years and I was not aware that wearing black to a wedding is deemed wrong! I can see why people might not want to wear black - I wouldn't wear it, as it's too harsh for me and makes me look even older - but if the OP can carry it off, black will be very elegant and stylish.

Not saying it's right people just saying that's what I was always told growing up by my mum and gran. They are Welsh so maybe it's a Welsh thing?

I wouldn't care myself but I wouldn't risk it incase it offended.

I do remember a guest holding a Tesco carrier bag for some reason and I thought that was strange

yeah you don't wear solid black or white to a wedding and I would include an all cream outfit as well in that. Black is because its not a funeral and white/cream to not upstage the bride. Nothing wrong with black and white together or black accessories but not the main outfit - certainly to a traditional wedding anyway

I don't remember ever actually being told it's wrong, it just seems obvious to me, black is for funerals not weddings.

I'm amused and baffled by the number of posters who think that wearing black is 'naff', 'rude' or means that you don't approve of the marriage.

I've always understood that it's rather déclassé to issue instructions to your guests about what they wear. That it's rather insulting to suggest that someone cannot possibly dress themselves appropriately for your wedding without your guidance.

I've been to some very laid back weddings where everyone was togged up to the nines. I've been to a couple of very smart weddings where some of the well-to-do and aristos were dressed in some pretty bizarre outfits. I've always thought that was part of the charm of a wedding - there's always someone who turns up looking a bit different and it's a tradition, along with a sulking bridesmaid/page boy, unpredictable British weather and a dotty aunt who either disapproves loudly of everything, or spends her time trying to hit on the waiter...

I've seen plenty of black at weddings and it almost always looks fine. I think the dress is nice and because of the lacy texture it looks fine for a Spring/Summer wedding. Dress it up with some colour - hat, fascinator, bag and jewellery - and you'll look great.

I'm in my 40s and have never heard of wearing black being rude until this thread. I've even been to a wedding where the bridesmaids wore black.

I've worn a black dress to a wedding before. I had no idea that anyone might think it was rude.

Wear it. That's ridiculous. They need to know they can't control every aspect of other people's lives just because they are getting married. Maybe you should get a black veil to go with it just to mess with them further?

Nope, not heard of this superstition either, and I'm not sure I've noticed who wore what at most weddings we've been to.

Ditto Treaclesoda. And I don't remember anyone looking horrified. Maybe it's a more of a regional thing??

I wore a black dress with bronze stripes to a wedding - it didn't occur to me that this would be a problem. I have never heard of black signalling disapproval, unless it is mother of the groom in full on black veil and continuous sobs!

I also wear black in the summer, because I like it. Again, it wouldn't have occured to me that it was inappropriate for a summer wedding - surely it is the style/fabric which determines whether something is summery or not?

Anyway, just wanted to tell the OP that I really like her dress and even if she doesn't wear it to the wedding, I would keep it because it is very pretty.

"I'm in my 40s and have never heard of wearing black being rude until this thread."

Common sense tells you black is for mourning.

Depends on your culture, Gwen.

Most us us tend to think little black dress = party, not funeral, surely.

Ignoring typos...

"I was always told growing up by my mum and gran. They are Welsh so maybe it's a Welsh thing"

I'm Welsh, but have seen English people equally horrifiedd by it

Common sense tells you black is for mourning.

That's absurd. The shops are full of black clothes all the time. People wear black all the time and it doesn't signify mourning. Even kids clothes come in black these days.

I've worn black to every wedding I've been to. I always where a black skirt with a black jacket and a brightly coloured top underneath. I've never, ever heard of wearing black being rude. I can't see how that would be rude when there are men wearing black suits to weddings.

treacle

But very few people still wear "mourning clothes" anyway, right?

I mean, to the funeral, sure? But during the "official mouring period"?

Our neighbour wore a headscarf when she was in mouring. In Southern Italy it's seen as offensive to wear black to the funeral if you aren't close family (it's suggesting that you're making a show of your grief, mourning as if you lost a family member etc). I think in todays globalised world things like this will become less important over time.

However, weddings are incredibly traditional affairs (some may say outdated). And I must admit, I personally don't think that "all black" is appropriate. But a black dress with a lighter coloured jacket etc? Perfectly fine.

I was looking at the photos on line yesterday and found myself thinking ''oh eugenie is wearing black ?" so it must be in my head somewhere that it's a slightly unusual choice. But it looks lovely accessorised with dusty pink, that totally lifts it.

Eugenie's bf's shoes on the other hand ..........................

Exactly, black might be the main colour at funerals but it's also the dominant colour in many offices up and down the country. It's also the first colour which comes to mind for a large number of women when they need something smart/dressy to wear.

Many people don't wear black to funerals these days either. Wedding or funeral, what matters is the attitude of the attendees.

It is fascinating though that some people know and have heard of the all black all white thing while others haven't a clue.

Just to reiterate that this does not seem to apply to men, just women as usual. Men can do what they like.

Who is the mumsnetters whose mil wore a long white dress to her wedding with a posy of flowers abs cried continually? That was. Bloody good thread

I might make a concession by teeming with a cream jacket or pashmina type thing.