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Original poster

That you don't ask guests to change their wedding outfit?

667 replies

poopsqueak · 20/05/2017 09:55

Got a phone call this morning from my brother (sheepishly) asking what I was wearing to his wedding.

I told him 'black dress' and asked why and he said his wife to be is worried ill either 'stand out' or 'fade into the background' and could I change it?

The wedding is in 2 weeks, I've had the dress for 2 months (no return period) and my mum (mother of the groom) has had the same call. My mum just said yes though. She had a navy pant suit that she had bought and went out and bought another pink dress to be more in theme.

I don't have an official part of the wedding though so i don't think I am messing up a theme. Also I got the dress as it was neutral and made me feel good. It was also £150 and I just can't afford another one.

What should I do?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
39
changingmylifecompletely28489 · 21/05/2017 08:20

Weddings are off track for a while now. Fucks sake. Weddings used to be a family gathering for something special & everyone would have fun & feel included no matter what they wore or what their gift was....

MaisyPops · 21/05/2017 08:22

I don't think the bride should be telling guests what to wear.

BUT I also think it's common sense not to wear black to a wedding. I don't go for it being rude etc, I would just find it a very odd choice.

If it was a floatier black dress with coloured accessories or a black dress with some colour in the print then it would probably be OK. But long black lace doesn't seem wedding to me.

Seems like a really silly situation on both sides.

BeepBeepMOVE · 21/05/2017 08:27

I don't think it's generational as I'm early 20s and believe it's disrespectful to wear black to a wedding.

It's also quite boring and looks funereal or office-y. I would be annoyed if ladies turned up in black at my wedding.

Patterns are different and navy is perfectly acceptable.

I'm not sure why people keep talking about Kate and pippa as they were hardly born with blue blood. Also 2 of those 3 picture giddyaunt posted are navy.

Parker231 · 21/05/2017 08:33

Wear the dress you have already bought - I'm sure it is lovely and hopefully you can wear it again at other events. I hate this idea that you can't wear certain colours to a wedding - you're a guest, you can wear whatever you want!

metalmum15 · 21/05/2017 08:34

Wearing black over the summer is odd

Well, that's me fucked then.

MaisyPops · 21/05/2017 08:37

See I disagree parker. I'm not a fan of "I can wear what I like" view. (Too much I am the most important individual and no different in my opinion from brides thinking they can tell guests what to wear)

I could choose to turn up wearing my gym clothes, but I wouldn't. I could turn up all in black, but I wouldn't. Just because someone could do something, doesn't mean they should.

Common sense is that the bride isn't rude enough to tell the guests what to wear, but guests have enough sense to know what's traditionally appropriate for a wedding.

StripeyCurtains · 21/05/2017 08:38

Wear your dress. It is lovely.

This no black to a wedding is utter bollocks.

I even struggle with the ban on no ivory and white but it makes more sense. My DH's ex girlfriend wore an ivory strapless dress to our wedding. Hmm

User06383 · 21/05/2017 08:38

Ask he to foot the bill if she wants you in a specific outfit.

I got married without worrying what anyone wore, as long as guests felt comfortable in what they were wearing I was happy. I feel the day is to be enjoyed, not for fretting about how the photos come out!

Dianneabbottsmathsteacher · 21/05/2017 08:42

I was brought up to believe wearing black or white to a wedding was rude. Black you don't support or condone the wedding and white to upstage the bride.

MaisyPops · 21/05/2017 08:43

My DH's ex girlfriend wore an ivory strapless dress to our wedding. hmm

That's why the colour traditions are there because it's very difficult to not look at that and think she was proving a point.

A friend of mine wore a skirt with a gorgeous ivory beaded top to ours. It was totally appropriate and we are both chilled out people having a chilled out wedding. She admitted she'd probably not wear it to some of her friends wedding just in case.

AgathaRaisonDetra · 21/05/2017 08:44

My SIL wore a full white dress to my wedding. My DH's cousin pitched up in a lumberjack shirt and ripped jeans. MY MIL wore a white trouser suit. I was a bit peeved TBH. But it never occured to me that black was a no-no.

Wear it OP, then get raucously drunk and throw up over the wedding cake. Your dress will be the least of the bride's worries then.

LavenderRainbows · 21/05/2017 08:54

My DD wore black to her best friends wedding yesterday (not Pippa!)
She looked lovely in the photos I've seen, as did all the men, the majority of which had black suits on. It was a big 'traditional' country wedding, the bridesmaids wore pastels but AFAIK the bride couldn't give a shit about what everyone else wore. They all looked really happy which I'm guessing is the most important thing?!Smile

Giddyaunt18 · 21/05/2017 08:59

Black at a wedding? Yes it is ok, it's how it's worn and the smile on your face that tells you it's not funereal.

That you don't ask guests to change their wedding outfit?
That you don't ask guests to change their wedding outfit?
That you don't ask guests to change their wedding outfit?
Dianneabbottsmathsteacher · 21/05/2017 09:02

That's not wearing black!!!

It's wearing all black that's considered rude

EastEndQueen · 21/05/2017 09:02

Obviously the bride is being rude and control freaky and horrific.

HOWEVER that very lovely dress is not wedding appropriate. Full black (as oppose to say, black flower patten on a coloured background) just isn't. You don't need to go full on pastel but straight black or straight white/ cream will attract many many comments and judgements (even if unlike the bride they have manners and won't say anything)

Surely you have an older dress or can borrow?

NotYoda · 21/05/2017 09:03

I think some of you live in a different Britain to me....... 1950 I think it's called.

LavenderRainbows · 21/05/2017 09:04

yoda Grin

Giddyaunt18 · 21/05/2017 09:07

It's wearing all black that's considered rude

Oh like this you mean?

That you don't ask guests to change their wedding outfit?
Giddyaunt18 · 21/05/2017 09:08

OP has already said her pashmina and accessories are pink !!

LexieLulu · 21/05/2017 09:09

I love the dress you've ordered? May I ask where it's from (not that I have £150 right now but I can hope it goes in the sale)

metalmum15 · 21/05/2017 09:16

All these people saying wearing black means you don't condone the wedding - surely if you don't condone it, you don't go? What better way to say 'I don't agree with you getting married' than by not turning up? And who really disagrees with a wedding anyway? ! Yes, I've known couples get married who I've thought "Well, this one won't last" but still, it's their lives, their choice, and not anything to do with me.

metalmum15 · 21/05/2017 09:16

All these people saying wearing black means you don't condone the wedding - surely if you don't condone it, you don't go? What better way to say 'I don't agree with you getting married' than by not turning up? And who really disagrees with a wedding anyway? ! Yes, I've known couples get married who I've thought "Well, this one won't last" but still, it's their lives, their choice, and not anything to do with me.

SerialBodenReturner · 21/05/2017 09:28

Wow - every day's a school day! I had no idea about the not wearing white/cream to a wedding until I read Mumsnet - and now I find black is a faux pas too!

I've worn a white trouser suit to one wedding and a black dress to another - had no idea! The black one, the bride actually complimented me on fitting in with their black/white theme (which I hadn't known about) and both bride and groom' mothers were in combos of black and white.

Back to your original question - regardless of these rules I was unaware of Grin - it's very rude to ask you to change your outfit at this stage.

Giddyaunt18 · 21/05/2017 09:30

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-4524842/James-Matthews-Pippa-Middleton-wedding-photos.html

Colour is the least of anyone's worries. Check out the wedding guests arriving at the bottom of this article. They do say money can't buy style and I have to agree.

SerialBodenReturner · 21/05/2017 09:30

Ps I really have no idea what colours any of my guests wore to my wedding - it just wasn't high on my radar on the day. Surprised so many people remember or care, as long as they're not in a bin liner or a wedding dress, who cares?!

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