That you don't ask guests to change their wedding outfit?

[poopsqueak]

Got a phone call this morning from my brother (sheepishly) asking what I was wearing to his wedding.

I told him 'black dress' and asked why and he said his wife to be is worried ill either 'stand out' or 'fade into the background' and could I change it?

The wedding is in 2 weeks, I've had the dress for 2 months (no return period) and my mum (mother of the groom) has had the same call. My mum just said yes though. She had a navy pant suit that she had bought and went out and bought another pink dress to be more in theme.

I don't have an official part of the wedding though so i don't think I am messing up a theme. Also I got the dress as it was neutral and made me feel good. It was also £150 and I just can't afford another one.

What should I do?

Oh dear, I'm sorry to read that. My brother made a similar call to me 5 days before his wedding. I wore my dress. So did my mum. Neither dress ruined the photos to my knowledge.... Still haven't forgiven SIL for being such a bridezilla though

Lots of people regard black as inapproproriate for weddings as it is associated with funerals and sombre occasions, not happy ones. I'm not sure, though, why your brother has suddenly thought to ask you what you're planning to wear - all a bit late in the day.
I'd carry on and weat what you'd planned but dress it up with some nice splashes of colour, shoes, a bright handbag, nice bright sflower, scarf etc. I'm sure you'll look smart and neither calsh with the bride and here theme, nor fade into the background!

To me wearing black to a wedding is a big no, but if I saw somebody wearing a black dress I would just assume they hadn't been raised with that view, although black in summer is still a little odd.

However, as stated up thread, the three general rules of dressing for a wedding are no white/ivory/bridal dresses, no black, and don't show too much flesh

black alone might be okay if non-traditional, but black with a long lacy bridal looking skirt, AND with what look in the photo like sheer panels showing off your stomach would have me and wondering if you deliberately picked it out to disrespect the bride as it breaks all the rules of polite wedding dress

I think expecting a mother of the groom to change her outfit at two weeks notice is incredibly unkind actually; everyone I've known who has been MOTB/G has started planning their outfit months in advance and has looked around a lot to find something.

Another one who thought black dresses were a faux-pas for weddings, and kind of assumed most people knew that, but I wouldn't be rude enough to ask someone to change their outfit.

I am in agreement, I must have been 'disapproved' a few times before this as I have worn black quite often.

Learn something new everyday I suppose.

She (the bride) is very anxious which is to be expected but this is a weird way to direct your anxiety (on something you can't control)

I am wondering if it's a general theme (her anxiety) she has been going really over the top about a number of things. Recently she asked if she could straighten my 3 yo's curly/Afro hair for the wedding (she is a bridesmaid) and I said no. I was a bit

black with a long lacy bridal looking skirt

well which one is it then? Is the dress inappropriate because it's black, or because it's bridal looking which it can't be because its black. I am totally confused

The OP dress looks lovely. Some posters are very odd.

My sister got married in a black dress...does anyone care about what colour the guests are wearing really?
Get a huge statement pink hat, some shoes and a bag. You will look great.

To be honest, it is insane to be ringing people two weeks before the wedding asking them to change their outfit!!!

It's clearly not specifically about the OP as it appears loads of people have been contacted.

OP would be extremely reasonable to even adjust her accessories at this very late point.

I think the black dress is gorgeous and clearly not remotely funereal.

Fwiw, my mother wore navy to my wedding.

I wore red to my sister's wedding, her choice I was a bridesmaid!

Op I think your dress is fine (i'm in my 60's and have been to a fair few weddings) However I think you will need coloured accesories and perhaps a pashmina, you could end up being cold and I think for the ceremony it would look nicer if your bare shoulders were covered.

I would never change my outfit to suit someone, although I would never wear black to a wedding either!

I have to say though I don't understand not wearing navy to a wedding, I have worn navy to a wedding before and I've seen loads of people do the same.

I don't think they should ask you to change what you are wearing but you shouldn't wear black (for mourning) or white (upstaging the bride) to a wedding. So I think yab a bit unreasonable!

Straighten a three year old's afro hair?

Maybe it would be easier if she just played all of the parts herself. You just can't cant trust other people to get things right Wear your dress, OP, get a flowery accessory, and don't her anywhere near your DD's hair. Hopefully, she'll calm down after the wedding.

TheExuberant the only nicely dressed guests at Pippa's wedding were Eugenie and the lady walking next to Donna Air and both are wearing navy!

I'd be really upset if someone wore black to my wedding. To me it suggests mourning that we are getting married and everyone I know who has worn black to a wedding has done it in a passive aggressive dig style.

I think your dress is lovely. And yes, they should have stipulated the dress code on the invitations. As for straightening your 3yo hair .

I have worn black twice to weddings, once to a friend's Jewish wedding where the norm was cocktail dresses and another to Dp's cousin, it was the evening do, so I wore a long, black chiffon dress but accessorised with white/cream/nude.

I think navy or black can look very chic, especially accessorised with pale or bright colours. Bright, pastel or floral are really not me.

@strikhedonia the style of the skirt just looks like something you'd see on a wedding dress to me - except in black.

like i said, each individual feature wouldn't bother me but the overall look just doesn't seem very appropriate

A few of my guests wore black and it looked lovely
They ALL asked ahead of time if black was okay for my wedding or no (nobody else asked)

I can see how a guest in black could look aweful at some weddings - especially spring/summer weddings, if everyone else is in florals and lights and theres one woman stood there looking likes she's dressed to object to the whole affair

In short, I don't think black is always a no for weddings, but I think the etiquette is to check if it's a black-friendly wedding before settling on a black outfit

everyone I know who has worn black to a wedding has done it in a passive aggressive dig style.

good god, WHO are these people!

Note to self: ask daughter-in-law-to-be to chose colour and/or my whole outfit the day my son(s) get married.and pray I raised my kids right and they don't marry a bridezilla who will make everybody's life miserable

Black is a definite no.
It echoes disapproval.

I opened this thinking it was going to be about the guests at Pippa's wedding having to get changed into another outfit for the evening do...

My MIL wore white 😂

Sorry i mean " pale lemon"... that s her words . Palest damn lemon I have ever seen haha.

I didn't care personally. Wasn't full length at least.

I wouldn't wear black to a wedding especially in summer but i have grown up thinking black at weddings is to denied dispproval so would just avoid just in case!!!

Denied = denote

It is considered very bad form for a woman to wear black or white to a wedding. Basic etiquette.