That you don't ask guests to change their wedding outfit?

[poopsqueak]

Got a phone call this morning from my brother (sheepishly) asking what I was wearing to his wedding.

I told him 'black dress' and asked why and he said his wife to be is worried ill either 'stand out' or 'fade into the background' and could I change it?

The wedding is in 2 weeks, I've had the dress for 2 months (no return period) and my mum (mother of the groom) has had the same call. My mum just said yes though. She had a navy pant suit that she had bought and went out and bought another pink dress to be more in theme.

I don't have an official part of the wedding though so i don't think I am messing up a theme. Also I got the dress as it was neutral and made me feel good. It was also £150 and I just can't afford another one.

What should I do?

It's 2017 for goodness sake! I wore a black and white dress to a good friends wedding. It was a lovely coast dress. I didn't disapprove of her marriage and i wasn't the only one wearing black.

People need to stop wasting their time and energy getting offended by things that don't mean anything. Yes it used to be a thing not to wear black but now it is fairly common to wear black. I hope your brother and SIL enjoy their wedding day. If they don't because you wore black ( or because you didn't fit in with the theme) it says more about them than you.

A black and white dress is not a black dress...

YANBU. You are a guest, not a prop. I'd wear it anyway.

I am very far from a fashion guru, and I was on the black is fine camp....until I saw the dress.
In my brutally honest (and very unfashionable) opinion, it is very Morticia Adams, no happy wedding vibes at all.

Whereas I'm in the anti-black for weddings camp but I agree that the dress is inappropriate for a wedding (regardless of it's colour). It looks trashy rather than chic (sorry OP!)

R.e the morticia. Comment- I am quite gothic in real lift and that's why I love the dress.

At my wedding a few people wore black. I neither carer or had an opinion either way... anyway I would have tried to find another dress if I had known (I'm not evil!) and I will genuinely look at my wardrobe for something appropriate it's just well my wardrobe is mostly black anyway!

I thought it was a rule not to wear black to a wedding. Black is for funerals.

Hey, Morticia was a stunner!
I have no problems with the dress itself, just that it's not at all weddingy.

Well, if you are usually a bit gothic and if the bride happens to dislike this style...? Isn't it obvious why your brother called you?

Wow seriously?!? Tell her to feck off!!! Is bridezilla a necessity now.

If she wanted all her guyests in certain colours she should have decided this months ago and told everyone then. Wear your dress or don't go that's the only options.

"If she wanted all her guyests in certain colours she should have decided this months ago and told everyone then."

Not really because it's well known that you shouldn't wear black (or white/cream) to a wedding.

I have a good friend who is fairly goth, I think I've now seem photos of her as a bridesmaid 3 times in black or dark purple because her friends and family didn't try to attribute thoughts to her choice of clothing and accepted who she is.

Tbh I don't think the black is even the issue though, they've contacted all of the women in the family to tell them to wear pastels so chances are anything else the op would have bought would have been deemed inappropriate anyway - op was never likely to have bought a baby pink dress was she.

it's well known that you shouldn't wear black (or white/cream) to a wedding

clearly it isn't!

Wear the black dress.

I'm late fifties and have always worn black to the 5 weddings I have been to. Not a pink pashmina or fascinator in sight. I didn't spontaneously combust. And everyone is still married.

If you usually wear gothic clothes, then surely you go as yourself, not some pastel covered person with a fascinator!

I think the trend of seeing guests as adornments, rather than loved and cherished friends and family, is a bad one. If you are in love and incredibly happy on your wedding day, why would what anyone else is wearing be interesting to you? One of my guests wore a very dressed down outfit as in their culture, they just wear whatever ok clothes they have, like a top and trousers, not 'wedding clothes'. Not important, great to have them there.

Two weeks before the wedding is a bit of an after thought. Most women have had their outfit sorted months ago by then. Seriously if you can't afford to buy another, ask them to supply you with one.

I honestly didn't give a flying shit what any guests wore to my wedding, it never even crossed my mind. Black certainly wouldn't bother me.

Surely as long as nobody wears a white or ivory dress, and nobody wears a bridesmaidy style dress in the colour scheme, anything goes!

TBH anyone who would be 'unhappy' or bothered is a twonk in my opinion!

In general black is definitely a no-no and it's not generational because I'm 29 as well. I love black clothes but I'd never wear a black dress to a wedding. It is a bit of a statement really. I also hate cream/white or ivory worn I think it's unbelievably rude towards the bride.

"Surely as long as nobody wears a white or ivory dress, and nobody wears a bridesmaidy style dress in the colour scheme, anything goes!"

I've never known in advance what the bridesmaids are wearing. A bit strange that you agree with the no white rule, but not the no black one.

What a pile of steaming horseshit

Tbh I think the no white rule only matters if there's any risk of it looking bridal. So a long cream lace dress is a bit risky at a registry office but a short cream dress will be safe for most big weddings.

I know some people frown upon black being worn to a wedding, but I can honestly say I couldn't give a shit what anyone else wore to my wedding, wedding party aside, and obviously then I'd have a say.

That the people I love are there, feeling good about themselves, there's good music, good food, I look decent, and get some nice photos, are the only things I could get arsed with.

Why is your brother having to call your aunts and cousins too? Are they all wearing black and navy also? Are you secretly the Adams family

If my partners sister wore that trashy black hooker dress to my wedding I would hit the roof

What a lot of nonsense is spoken on here! Of course you can wear a black dress to a wedding! To say that it signifies that you're "against the wedding partner" is just ridiculous!

I attended a wedding where both of the bride's sisters and two of her aunts wore black. Nobody batted an eyelid.