She doesn't talk to me AT ALL

[LessConversation]

Me (to colleague) 'Good morning! Did you have a nice evening?'
Her 'yes'
Me 'did you do anything special?'
Her 'no'

And that is it for the rest of the morning. No small talk. AT ALL. We sit in silence.

Just us two in an office - it is driving me insane.

AIBU?

You could be describing me op. I would just politely answer your questions and have zero interest of asking anything back. Seriously I would just want to get on with the work.
Well tbf if it was someone I 'click' with then it's a different story. But other than that I hate pointless chit chat.

Me too Talith

Imagine you asked me what I'd done last weekend. I know from experience that after a couple of minutes of me telling you, your eyes would glaze over from the sheer geekiness of the things that I choose to do, or the absolute mundanity of the things I have to do. I am socially about as awkward as it's possible to be,I'm an introvert, I have Aspergers, I have a non-traditional family structure. I'm NC with my mother and I don't want to talk about popular culture (I don't have a clue what was on the TV or who wore what, and I know from experience that this makes people judge me as thinking myself "superior" to them even though that's bollocks.)

How much out-of work research would you expect me to put in so I can make small-talk with you? would you like me to gossip about myself so you can make a freak-show out of me with other members of staff? I am polite, make coffee/tea for my colleagues and bring in biscuits as a substitute for painful, artificial, social, interaction and I'm efficient and good at my job. Or do you think that because I find office small-talk painful that I shouldn't have a job at all?

The kind of small talk OP describes isn't disruptive. OP sounds like she doesn't expect more than a usual level of occasional small talk.
Most jobs/careers rely on teamwork and relationships. It 's fine to be not much of a talker, but you won't get anywhere if you are as rude as the staff member is being to her own boss, even if your work is fine.

Number 1. Your "chat" sounds like an interrogation!!! Name? Rank? Number? Are you volunteering any information yourself? There are plenty of things to talk about and ways to chat without quizzing someone about what they did and asking them direct questions.

Number 2. She may be a private person who doesn't want to discuss her personal life either at all or until she gets to know someone. For all you know "last night" she might have gone on a first date with a new man she really likes and doesn't want to talk about it; she might have gone to visit her dying grandmother in hospital and doesn't want to talk about it; or she might have been physically abused by her partner who she is battling to get the strength to leave AND DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TO YOU OR ANYONE. You just don't know.

Try talking about neutral stuff (the company, how it works, your jobs) and lay off the who/what/where/when/why stuff with her.

these monosyllabic answers would be career limiting, as would the attitude that I come to work not to socialise and therefore I don't need to follow basic social niceties.
That's worrying - the colleague is doing enough to be polite IMO, for he lack of non work chat to be career limiting would seem quite wrong.
I don't mean this unkindly, but have you had any training/guidance on how to be manager OP? You do need to be aware of what is part of professional interaction, and what is your chatty personality, and its probably best to limit how close and friendly you get with someone working for you, even if the next one is very friendly.
Be careful about what you are writing on her appraisals, this should be about how she does her work; your feelings, and any other aspects of her personality are not for you to address there, unless they directly affect her ability to work effectively (and even then, your feelings are not relevant, just what she needs to do to improve).

Is she British? I just say so because it's a very British idea that we socialize at work. Lots of central and Eastern European people I've worked with have been absolutely horrified the way people come in and discuss what they did at the weekend, their families and what they're having for lunch or which biscuits they like. They have a culture that work is for work only and you come in and do that and are not paid to sit around chatting or organising nights out or doing whip rounds for gifts or doing Secret Santa. I must say I prefer it that way and think ultimately it makes for a fairer, less political and stressful workplace.

this is such an interesting thread for me as I have the exact same problem as the OP. I am an extrovert and I genuinely try and tone it down at work as I honestly would hate to offend people or get in their faces with my chatter and small-talk.

BUT I work in a creative industry (TV) and so much of my work is within a team, that we do need to communicate. And i have a colleague (sits next to me) who is silent to the point of rudeness, so much so that she will only bark out monosyllabic answers to work queries, and looks at me with a face of thunder.

I have to go elsewhere in the building to get my conversation fix, that's absolutely fine, and I've stopped attempting small-talk with her as I get that she hates it. But I do find her rude, and hard work, because she kind of makes me feel like an imbecile for even attempting any kind of communication with her. She's so condescending and snippy.
And she never ever asks me a thing - recently went on holiday and not a word from her on my return. She has reduced me to tears on occasion (I've run to the loos) because she can be just so unpleasant.

I've tried occasionally emailing her to check she's ok, as I know she has suffered from depression, but I'm really conscious of not invading her space. She's said 'yes. why?' in response, which shuts dialogue down.

I don't want to be her friend - I couldn't give a toss about cultivating a fake friendship, and we're totally different, but I do prefer to work in a pleasant environment. And her negative moods hang in the air like a black cloud.

But I try not to take it personally. I'm sorry for the essay, it's just that it's happening RIGHT NOW and the OP totally resonated with me. It might be hard for introverts to believe, but extroverts don't always have it easy either, especially when the people around them are giving nothing away. I probably wear my heart on my sleeve too much.

Perhaps she's a bit scared of you?

TBH I would feel "put on the spot" if someone in a senior position at work kept asking if I'd had a nice evening or had been doing anything special. I'd feel they wanted to hear interesting information, but I'd have to admit I was just watching TV or putting the bins out, or was reading something they'd find square or dull, and (in true boring person style) don't get out much! It's the same when the hairdresser says on a Saturday "Are you going out tonight?" and the answer is normally "no"

extroverts don't always have it easy either, especially when the people around them are giving nothing away. I probably wear my heart on my sleeve too much.

That's so interesting to hear it from your point of view I daren't wear my heart on my sleeve, as it seems to take a certain kind of personality to get away with it, which I just don't have. I've been judged too often before.

Epipgab it's true, am not being flippant, but I had a moment of clarity today where another colleague said to me in an email 'I had never considered the possibility that extroverts suffer too. ' in relation to working in a quiet workplace.

I'm not doing 'poor me' and looking for sympathy, it's just I find it oddly unsettling, so much silence. And not being able to work out or decode what another person is thinking (so therefore jumping to the probably wrong conclusion that they're silent because they don't like me! I overthink...)

Genuinely interesting to see both points of view.

I don't think she is being rude to you thats just how she is. I think its important to have boundaries in the work place its not a place for gossiping. I know its a shock to some people but most people go to work to actually work. The people who cross those boundaries in and out of work with their colleagues don't last long. They become the talk of the office and then some fucker tries to push them to leave or to be sacked. It doesn't matter how good you are at your job they will find a reason to get rid of you.

Your only reason if you were to sack her is she doesn't talk a lot. There is more than one way in the work place to communicate with colleagues in regards to their work written, verbal, email etc.

NavyandWhite

Interrogation?! No it doesn't. It's small talk between colleagues.

No! Small talk is just that - a two way dialogue. Give and take.

Normally it would go "last night I did blah blah blah. How was your night?"

That is not the account given. The account given is
Good morning! Did you have a nice evening?'
Her 'yes'
Me 'did you do anything special?'
Her 'no'

The entire flow is OP questioning (interrogating) her colleague to get something out of her AND stuff about what she was doing in her personal life at that.

NORMAL small talk isn't a series of questions moving in one direction, it is ebb and flow. Plus if you read someone isn't interested in discussing what they did last night, it's pretty easy to move it on to a neutral topic IF all you care about is chat.

Like talking about your views on your job/what projects are coming up/ whether the jumper you've just bought suits you/ask her opinion on the room layout/the décor.

One way questioning is intrusive.

Really, it took me a long time to learn that people don't actually give a s* what you did at the weekend and that includes hairdressers. I just ask to make conversation to know that person a little bit but I don't really care if they went to a trekkie convention, got pissed or were just putting the bins out and watching some crap on telly (my weekend). Most of us have relatively boring lives anyway. It's if just an icebreaker. The question could be anything such as who you'd like to be stuck on a desert island with

My partner is an extrovert his mouth has got him into trouble. I have never gotten myself into trouble for being quiet. I have been told I am laid back I tend to get on with it.

The op could talk about a programme she watched last night.

It is shit but some people detest small talk. Have you tried in a quiet moment just bringing up a topic or something that's been in the news?

When I was younger people thought me rude because I just didn't understand small talk and couldn't do it. It made me feel so uncomfortable. But I could discuss a topic!

Eg she has put her tasks on a job sheet and shared it with me (work comes in from all over the business). If I say to her 'what are you working on?' she doesn't actually tell me but refers me to the sheet.
Well if she puts what she's doing on a sheet & she shares that sheet with you why the can't you look at it instead of bothering her?!

I have a relative like this. The trick is to ask questions that can't be answered with yes or no e.g. "how did you spend your evening?"

Please for the love of Pete don't whistle at work. I have misophonia and whistling causes extreme irritation to the point of almost crying in frustration. I have to leave an area where someone is whistling when out and about, if I shared an office with a whistler I would not get any work done. This is not a particularly rare condition, there are plenty of us out there.

Whistling and singing while working in an office is inconsiderate and unprofessional too. No one wants your poorly interpreted music choices foisted on them.

Why not talk to her about work related stuff?

This is really interesting to read. I work in an area where small talk and verbal communication is essential (it's not fully office based) so that probably attracts people who like to chat. If I gave monosyllabic answers and pointed to a task sheet I would be hauled up on that. Obviously other industries are different.

We share a large, fairly loud office, but have quieter empty rooms for when things need to get done. That is perhaps a luxury.

Those who like quiet, are you saying people who don't need to just sit quietly or is there a middle ground?

I wouldn't even dream of asking someone I didn't particularly take to in the office about their holiday

Jane 'how did you spend your evening' is just going to make her ask 'why?'.

All these 'open questions' - you don't need to get information out of her fgs - and I really would be tempted to answer something like 'contemplating the futility of life' just to shut the interrogator up