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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

re: husband cancelling date over out of date food

79 replies

user1493543506 · 18/05/2017 21:14

i do the food shop and do it in advance. had to freeze three things of fish. husband cancelled a night out saturday as we had a row over it. he wants all control over spending as he says i cant manage it properly. i get the bare minimum.

he really isn't interested in me any more is he, i had to beg for the dinner date and agreed to texting him a grocery list on wednesdays so no more waste but he is going back to his mothers every weekend from now on.

i had the baby sitter booked and everything and had him talked around.

my pride is really hurt by having to placate and beg - he is like this since we had children.

he earns 160,000 a year.

OP posts:
Fluffypinkpyjamas · 18/05/2017 21:16

He sounds awful. Let him go to his bloody mothers full time not just weekends! What a knobber.

blueskyinmarch · 18/05/2017 21:17

How much money does he give you? Do you work?

endofthelinefinally · 18/05/2017 21:18

Legal advice asap.
What a horrible man.

Highalert · 18/05/2017 21:22

Get rid.

DJBaggySmalls · 18/05/2017 21:23

Please contact Womens Aid for a chat and some advice, this is financial abuse Flowers

SquinkiesRule · 18/05/2017 21:24

Straight to the solicitor.
You need the best solicitor his money can buy.

averylongtimeago · 18/05/2017 21:24

He goes back to his mother's? Let him stay there! He sounds controlling and abusive.
A marriage should be an equal partnership, not one person being in charge while the other has to beg for crumbs.

Fruitcorner123 · 18/05/2017 21:25

Yeah sounds like he is finding an excuse to not spend an evening with you and now he is going every weekend to his mum's! ?
How old are the children?

I am sorry OP but I'd doesn't sound like he is a very nice man and he sounds hard work to live with.

mummymummums · 18/05/2017 21:26

This sounds like abuse - financial and emotional. You've done nothing wrong, and he sounds truly horrible. He was clearly looking for an excuse to cancel the date too.
Bluntly, yes, he seems to not want this relationship if he's now away every weekend, but hopefully you'll see this is best.
Do get good legal advice.

Fruitcorner123 · 18/05/2017 21:26

Also you froze the fish you didnt waste it!!? Am i missing something?

d270r0 · 18/05/2017 21:26

What a complete idiot. LTB. And I mean that seriously.

happypoobum · 18/05/2017 21:26

Well if he really isn't interested in you any more you need legal advice.

How many DC do you have? If they are still in full time education you would get 15% of his net pay for one child and 20% if two or more.

Do you work? I think you should at least get legal advice so you know where you stand in case you decide to LTB.

Life shouldn't be like this, having to beg for attention. Who the fuck does he think he is?

mummymummums · 18/05/2017 21:27

Btw - I'm terrible for letting food go out of date and having to chuck it but my husband doesn't bat an eyelid.

Bluntness100 · 18/05/2017 21:32

You begged for a date with your own husband? And he went to stay with his mother over out of date fish? and shall stay there every weekend from now on?

If this is for real then please. Don't lower yourself like this. Tell him to stay at his mums, buy his own food and he will be paying maintenance from now on.

Ohb0llocks · 18/05/2017 21:33

He's a control freak to say the least.

e1y1 · 18/05/2017 21:35

Yes I am afraid he has "checked out" of the relationship. But in all fairness, he didn't sound that nice anyway - find someone who deserves you.

JulesJules · 18/05/2017 21:40

What an absolute knob

Original poster
user1493543506 · 18/05/2017 21:40

he says i waste money and that he has been telling me for eleven years not to waste money. he goes through the fridge and checks the sell by dates and gives out. he gets very angry about it. i was really starting to hope we could get along. im always walking on egg shells trying to snatch little bits of happiness along the way. the very minute i think i can rely on him, he does these things. the childrne are quite young, five and two. im worn down. i gave up work to save the marriage. big mistake although i did build a good network of acquaintances. i long for intimacy, to be appreciated. to be loved. i try so hard every day guys. maybe there is something wrong with me like he says. he always tells me there is something wrong. i had a breakdown after he threatened to leave when the baby was born. he has used that against me ever since evne though ive rebuilt myself since then. he tells me he wishes he had left. ive no one to love me. no one normal will ever be interested in me. im a bit odd. thank you. im so sad. hes in watching tv now as i cry in the kitchen, i begged him to reconsider. he says he has given up trying.

OP posts:
NotQuiteJustYet · 18/05/2017 21:41

What everyone else has said, get the best legal advice possible. He doesn't care about how you feel and that is no basis for a marriage. Let him bugger off to his mother's on a more permanent basis.

PatriciaHolm · 18/05/2017 21:42

He's really done a number on you.

He's horrible, OP. This isn't a normal relationship.

NotQuiteJustYet · 18/05/2017 21:43

P.S There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, he's eroding you self-worth and controlling you. This could be considered abuse if we're being honest.

Vrooooom · 18/05/2017 21:45

Are you in the U.K.?

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 18/05/2017 21:46

LTB. Agree with other PP. See a solicitor and get rid. He will have to support you and the children and earning as much as he does, he will pay heavily. Smug bastard.

MooMooCat · 18/05/2017 21:47

What a horrible twat, it's not you it's him, get legal advice and LTB!

ilovegin112 · 18/05/2017 21:48

Somewhere when you are ready there will be a man who will love you for you and not treat you like you are being treated at the moment, I wish you lots of luck, you can ltb (1st) you are worth so much more than he is giving you

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