AIBU to not go to a wedding, because I am worried I might be rude?

[SilentLaugher]

My DH and I have been invited to the wedding of his friend. DH accepted on our behalf and I had initially been really looking forward to it. It's a church wedding in the summer, and I think it will be a lovely day.

Although I know the friend well - I don't know much about his fiancée except for the fact that she is a very devout person - CoE I think? The friend is not. I am also an atheist, but I am mostly indifferent to religion - each to their own.

So here's my problem - past experience has told me that, during v. religious ceremonies I do tend to start internally giggling/silent laughing quite uncontrollably - particularly when it's clear that no laughing is allowed.

I don't do it on purpose, and I do my best to control it - but I have just realised that this wedding ceremony will be a bit of a danger zone for me - particularly because the ceremony is quite long, and we've heard through the grapevine that we've been invited "to a wedding, not a party."

I just feel so out of place, and I can't get into singing the songs/saying the prayers at all. It just feels very silly to me - I don't believe a word of it. And my shoulders start shaking like crazy while I try to control it - and of course that sets my DH off too!

AIBU to just not go? My DH will be quite disappointed, we've already spent quite a bit of money on it, and the friend is looking forward to us coming. But I don't want to spoil it for anyone!

I said I feel out of place, and I feel silly. That is nervousness.

What do you think about de-sensitisation and possibly low dose medication?

I think this is a horrible response to a beautiful ceremony. Please don't go anywhere near this service , they will not thank you for ruining making a fool of yourself and attention seeking their wedding vows.

Oh that giggle loop is what I'm talking about, for sure!

www.vidivodo.com/the-giggle-loop-coupling

Ideas to 'help':

Make it less "alien" - go to a few normal sunday services. Perhaps a famiy one so there's already noise etc and you won't feel as bad if you get the giggles.

Don't sit next to your DH, he seems a bad influence on you if he starts giggling too and making it worse.

Sit near the door so you can make a discreet exit.

Focus elsewhere during the ceremony, don't listen to sermons etc, just stand up when everyone else does, sit down when they do, try not to pay attention to anything going on. (Do you get as giggly in the vows/exchange of rings in civil ceremonies, or is it churches that set you off? If you can 'cope' with that bit, try to zone out for the rest)

There are some quite spiteful posts here.

I sympathise as I get the urge to laugh in tense or quiet situations, especially if I am particularly anxious at the time. Of course I work hard to recognise and suppress it. In your situation I would either sit or ask to be seated in the last row - having a cough and not wanting to distract if you start coughing, is a good alibi here.

It isn't simply a matter of growing the fuck up, it's purely an involuntary response which I work hard to conquer. When our DC was diagnosed with SN I horrified myself by laughing, luckily the consultant was more sympathetic than people here, and said it's a very common response and very understandable (particularly as there can sometimes be an element of relief here for all sorts of complicated reasons).

DH is the same. We both laughed at our wedding but that was Ok as it was our own

I'm another one who thinks how old are you? You can't control your giggling during a wedding ceremony? WTF

Don't go.

I honestly think by going you'll ruin someones wedding just because you cannot grow up and respect another persons beliefs. Go to the evening do and hope they have a kids table.

"We hadn't realised how, er, sexual one if the hymns was and it just set us off."

SorrelSoup - which hymn?

I think you're really rude and as a religious person I would be very upset at you laughing at what I believed in. It's respectful to behave yourself even if you don't believe it. If you can't then you shouldn't go. Sounds like you behave like a distracted child in a classroom when you are out and about. It's rude.

past experience has told me that, during v. religious ceremonies I do tend to start internally giggling/silent laughing quite uncontrollably - particularly when it's clear that no laughing is allowed

Remind me, are you a grown up? This is childish behaviour, and self-centred. Just find your manners, and be happy for two people who want to celebrate their love & commitment in public. You don't have to sing the hymns, or pray. Just follow what everyone else does.

YABU. Do you even have to ask whether you are?

Is this a fucking joke?!

Just go to the wedding breakfast/evening do if you are literally unable to control yourself.

You sound utterly ridiculous OP. I suggest you learn how to act appropriately.

Why are some people being so horrible? The OP has clearly stated that this is uncontrollable and she does not do it on purpose. I often feel close to tears in situations where I am outside my comfort zone. It is hard to control. I think she is being very considerate to consider not going, but would you say that somebody suffering from Tourette's syndrome should not go to a wedding?

OP, you should look up some coping mechanisms. Tell your DH you are worried about it, and hopefully he will make extra effort to control himself! And, yes sit by the door and plead illness if you do have to leave.

To me it's like hiccups or similar, I literally can't stop the desire to hiccup (or laugh) but I can attempt to stifle the effects, distract myself, suppress etc.

Take a large dose of laxative a couple of hours before the ceremony. You won't dare to laugh in case you shit yourself.

You sound disrespectful and immature.

Grow up.

I understand intrusive responses but OP said she was laughing partly because religion is silly and she 'doesn't believe a word of it.' It's only become about nervousness since posts have been critical.

Grow up ffs.

One of those 'realise I'm being massive unreasonable, so will change my entire tune to try to not sound so much of a knob'

No that's not what I meant at all - as I explained earlier.

I don't believe in religion and so no I don't believe any of it - therefore I do feel - when I am asked to sing hymns and say prayers - very nervous and silly.

You don't have to interpret what I said so uncharitably.

*massively

I know it's rude, and I wish I could stop it - but I struggle.

Hence considering not going.

I am aware.