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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not go to a wedding, because I am worried I might be rude?

169 replies

SilentLaugher · 17/05/2017 16:40

My DH and I have been invited to the wedding of his friend. DH accepted on our behalf and I had initially been really looking forward to it. It's a church wedding in the summer, and I think it will be a lovely day.

Although I know the friend well - I don't know much about his fiancée except for the fact that she is a very devout person - CoE I think? The friend is not. I am also an atheist, but I am mostly indifferent to religion - each to their own.

So here's my problem - past experience has told me that, during v. religious ceremonies I do tend to start internally giggling/silent laughing quite uncontrollably - particularly when it's clear that no laughing is allowed.

I don't do it on purpose, and I do my best to control it - but I have just realised that this wedding ceremony will be a bit of a danger zone for me - particularly because the ceremony is quite long, and we've heard through the grapevine that we've been invited "to a wedding, not a party." Shock

I just feel so out of place, and I can't get into singing the songs/saying the prayers at all. It just feels very silly to me - I don't believe a word of it. And my shoulders start shaking like crazy while I try to control it - and of course that sets my DH off too!

AIBU to just not go? My DH will be quite disappointed, we've already spent quite a bit of money on it, and the friend is looking forward to us coming. But I don't want to spoil it for anyone!

OP posts:
PurpleMinionMummy · 17/05/2017 16:52

Are you 5?

wren23091 · 17/05/2017 16:53

I understand TOTALLY - my sister has exactly the same response, but to death. With our granddad a couple of years ago, (who she adored), she couldn't help but laugh! I believe it's some sort of shock reaction, but laughing at inappropriate times is defo a thing, if you can't help it you can't help it. I agree with Watto, sit by an exit. Also take a tissue/hanky, and cover your mouth as you go, if anyone asks you have a cold or hay fever!

NavyandWhite · 17/05/2017 16:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

alltouchedout · 17/05/2017 16:54

Laughing uncontrollably at inappropriate times is a recognised problem, and not one that will be solved by ignorant people telling you that you are simply rude, immature or disrespectful.

I think the advice to go, but sit by an exit and leave immediately if you feel the compulsive, uncontrollably laughter beginning, is sound.

WateryTart · 17/05/2017 16:54

Try to acquire some manners, dear, it will help you in all sorts of ways.

YolandasFridge · 17/05/2017 16:54

Fine to not be interested in other people's religious prayers/songs , neither are loads of people, myself included.
But I fail to see how a gown adult can't just sit there quietly and let the words pass them by?
It's not about you and whether you think it's a lot of shit. Your FRIEND(and/or his fiancé) likes it.
How would you like it if someone sniggered through something that was really important to you?

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 17/05/2017 16:55

If you'd been a guest at my wedding, I'd rather you didn't come than behave so disrespectfully.

EuroWin1 · 17/05/2017 16:56

If you can't behave like an adult, don't go.
Biscuit

Original poster
SilentLaugher · 17/05/2017 16:56

alltouchedout thank you - that's kind.

I generally keep to myself and I try to be respectful at occasions that are important to others - but I genuinely can't help it. I would if I could, obviously. It's nervousness.

I think the advice to sit near the exit is excellent, so shall do that!

OP posts:
Vroomster · 17/05/2017 16:56

I'm not religious but I enjoy seeing my friends get married regardless of where it is. You need to grow up. Hmm

avocadosripe · 17/05/2017 16:57

Honestly, grow up.

StatisticallyChallenged · 17/05/2017 16:58

Assuming it's genuine then the poster who says go, be seen by other guests, slip out subtly and then reappear at the end has the right idea.

Chances are the bride and groom will never have a clue (especially if DH sits at the back/near a wall) as you get minimal time to look around the church, only people who are sitting close to your DH will realise you weren't there during the ceremony and if they ask you have an excuse ready - felt sick, sore stomach, work emergency, coughing fit, whatever.

nothanksbyenow · 17/05/2017 16:58

I have had uncontrollable giggles at a church wedding and a registry office wedding- I don't know why, something just sets me off and I can't control it. The idea about sitting by the door is a good one.
I don't do it because I'm mocking the ceremony or religion aspect- I think something about the serious tone of people who would usually be so much more relaxed strikes a weird feeling in me, and I have to laugh about it.

Original poster
SilentLaugher · 17/05/2017 16:59

And wren23091 too, thank you. My lovely Grandad died last month, and there were a definitely a few people at his funeral who had a moment or two like that.

It's understandable, and actually I think my Grandad would have found the awkwardness funny too!

OP posts:
avocadosripe · 17/05/2017 17:01

If anybody laughed at the death of one of my close relatives (not obviously at a gently funny anecdote in the funeral) I wouldn't want anything more to do with them.

That would be MY uncontrollable reaction.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 17/05/2017 17:02

If you honestly can't control this like a grown up human being, may I suggest you get help?

PuppyMonkey · 17/05/2017 17:03

You didn't mention about nervousness or trying to be respectful in your OP, you just said you felt out of place and thought it was all silly.

Original poster
SilentLaugher · 17/05/2017 17:03

My Grandad had "The Ying Tong Song" by The Goons played at his funeral - he was a very, very funny man and I think he would not have minded.

OP posts:
TheHodgeoftheHedge · 17/05/2017 17:03

Although is anyone else now thinking of Coupling and the "giggle loop"?

StickThatInYourPipe · 17/05/2017 17:04

I do this a funerals - luckily al the ones I have attended to far are for people I know and love and everyone I'm with is fully aware it's how I deal with sadness. I really try not to though, and try not to show it outwardly as much as possible.

good thing the people whose funerals I have attended would find the serious setting with a laughing mad woman equally helerious if they were there

Starlighter · 17/05/2017 17:05

I'm agnostic but two of my friends are catholic. I've managed to sit through 2 weddings and 3 christenings between them and respect their beliefs and conduct myself in a decent manner.

Some people get the giggles at inappropriate situations but you just need to be a grown up about it.

Original poster
SilentLaugher · 17/05/2017 17:05

I still try to be respectful whilst internally feeling a bit silly. That's why I feel so nervous!

OP posts:
Babbaganush · 17/05/2017 17:05

How on earth do you manage at a funeral? I find it very strange that an adult hasn't developed enough self control to sit through a wedding ceremony with out laughing!
Go, sit at the back and if you can't control yourself then step outside - if noticed say you needed some air / felt unwell.

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 17/05/2017 17:05

My church holds baptisms as part of the usual Sunday service. One week I was sat by a person sniggering his way through the service including the prayers. There'd been a serious natural disaster earlier in the week and his not-so-quiet giggles were very distracting during a sombre part of the service. I managed to resist some un-Christian urges involving my shoe and his shin Grin

I can get strangely teary during services that isn't connected to any emotion. Giggling however is intrusive and distracting, and can be very inappropriate for some parts of a service.

I recommend sitting at the door for a quick exit.

Do you laugh at other inappropriate times?

OnGoldenPond · 17/05/2017 17:06

Are you twelve? Hmm