AIBU to not go to a wedding, because I am worried I might be rude?

[SilentLaugher]

My DH and I have been invited to the wedding of his friend. DH accepted on our behalf and I had initially been really looking forward to it. It's a church wedding in the summer, and I think it will be a lovely day.

Although I know the friend well - I don't know much about his fiancée except for the fact that she is a very devout person - CoE I think? The friend is not. I am also an atheist, but I am mostly indifferent to religion - each to their own.

So here's my problem - past experience has told me that, during v. religious ceremonies I do tend to start internally giggling/silent laughing quite uncontrollably - particularly when it's clear that no laughing is allowed.

I don't do it on purpose, and I do my best to control it - but I have just realised that this wedding ceremony will be a bit of a danger zone for me - particularly because the ceremony is quite long, and we've heard through the grapevine that we've been invited "to a wedding, not a party."

I just feel so out of place, and I can't get into singing the songs/saying the prayers at all. It just feels very silly to me - I don't believe a word of it. And my shoulders start shaking like crazy while I try to control it - and of course that sets my DH off too!

AIBU to just not go? My DH will be quite disappointed, we've already spent quite a bit of money on it, and the friend is looking forward to us coming. But I don't want to spoil it for anyone!

Gosh, I wouldn't do that dawn! It DOES come over as a bit "I am very special you know!"

I was struggling to keep a straight face at my own wedding due to the cringey registry office vows (I hate ceremonies) - but that was MY wedding! You can't do this at someone else's!

I also don't participate in prayers or hymns but it isn't hard to sit quietly and wait. If it IS too hard, then you can't be there. Beliefs don't deserve respect but people certainly do, and to be sniggering during someone's wedding will appear very insulting.

If shepherded by Ushers why not just say you'd be happiest sitting at the back because you're not feeling 100%?

I'm a church goer, DH an athiest and I know he has always inwardly smiled at The Lord's Prayer and 'Hallowed be thy name' (Harold be thy name!) and to be honest it doesn't bother me. He is otherwise very respectful of my beliefs and me his. I don't think he'd laugh outloud though so suggest you try and control it or it could be embarassing. Get yourself a quiet fidget spinner or something.
But I am curious op - if you were at a non Christian wedding, i.e. a Muslim or Hindu one (been to the latter once, it was fab), would you also have a fit of the giggles? Or is it just the Christian ones?

Floggingmolly I am not a "halfwit" because I get nervous and have an unwanted psychophysiology response to that nervousness, in unfamiliar situations that feel strange and silly to me.

I am certainly not as rude as you, that's for sure.

Just skip the ceremony! The po faced comment about it being a wedding, not a party is reason enough. I'm an atheist and would rather stick pins in my eyes than sit in a church and endure a long, tedious ceremony + hymns anyway

*psychophysiological, oops!

Grow. The. Hell. Up.

I would love to go to a Hindu wedding. ❤️ (sorry, off-topic)

I find this behaviour deeply childish and I'm an atheist too. Yes to me the whole service is basically bollocks but I'm capable of acting in a respectful manner while I sit through it. If I saw you laughing in the middle of the service I'd think you were a bit of a twat (unless the vicar had made a particularly hilarious joke!).

Just to clarify - I've never laughed out loud before. Just look down and desperately try to control it. It makes my shoulders shake like crazy though - my husband always notices.

Yup the giggle loop

@SilentLaugher - you say it is nervousness because church services are so outside your experience and what you think about. I wonder if it would help if you actually read through the service beforehand, so you knew more or less what was going to happen and when - that might help calm the nervousness. You will know what is happening, and how much is left of the service.

You could also try mindful breathing, if you find yourself starting to feel nervous during the service - if you haven't come across it before, all it involves is focusing on your breathing - notice the sensation of each breath going in and out, the movement of your chest and abdomen, the air going in and out. If a nervous or giggly thought comes into your head, acknowledge it, and mentally set it aside and refocus in the breathing.

This has the advantage that you can lower your gaze and appear to be concentrating on the service, when you'd actually be mentally stepping aside from it.

If you can manage to do this, it will be a useful skill. Other posters have mentioned funerals - getting the giggles at a funeral could cause real hurt and upset to other people there, and you don't want to be unable to support someone you care for at the funeral of someone dear to them.

I just feel so out of place, and I can't get into singing the songs/saying the prayers at all. It just feels very silly to me - I don't believe a word of it. And my shoulders start shaking like crazy while I try to control it - and of course that sets my DH off too!

Actually, I was with the OP until this bit. This isn't laughing at inappropriate times because you can't help it, this is the OP laughing because she's oh so superior to those silly ol' churchgoers.

Either get some manners and show some respect or do the couple a favour and don't bother going.

Sit yourself near the exit, you can always claim to be feeling a little under the weather and want to be able to get out in the fresh air if need be.

However, if it's a reaction to 'unknown' situations, do you think that you might want to 'desensitise' yourself a little? Go to a few church services near you, sit that the back so you can leave.

It's worth noting that church weddings, even 'high church' ones are very joyous occasions, they aren't as somber as other church services, so the 'inappropriate giggles' might not be as likely, as some laughter might well be perfectly appropriate at times!

I'm a staunch atheist that thinks churches and anything god related is ridiculous.

However, I can't quite believe you are concerned that you wont be able to control yourself at a wedding. Seriously, it does sound a bit lame, maybe you need to have a word with yourself. The wedding isn't about you, you just need to turn up, sit down and focus on the bride and groom, and act like a grown up. It's really not that hard

If it's nerves, do you laugh at job interviews? Work appraisals? Smear tests?!

Or just weddings and funerals...

You need to try and get over this, as the people sitting around you will have thought you are a complete arsehole.

I'd make my excuses to not be there for the ceremony if I couldn't sit through it like an adult.

Yes me too.

I am gobsmacked you've been invited to a wedding.

But, in answer to your original AIBU...no, YANB because with your inexplicable, childish, moronic giggling you'll ruin more than one persons day.

Stay at home and watch cbeebies. There might be an innuendo you can tweet.

I phrased it incorrectly - I suppose I meant to say it's not close to my experience, and hence I feel a bit silly doing it.

It's not that religion is silly - it's that I feel silly participating because it's so alien to me/not part of my identity. I feel so out of place.

I apologise for that.

Ok so you have an "unwanted psychophysiology response" but then your DH starts laughing at you. So he's the rude one.

In the op you bassically said you laugh because you don't agree with it or you think what is said is funny. Now your saying it's because you're nervous ..... ok..

oh and you don't need to 'believe it' to sing along, or bow your head in respect when other people are praying, you don't need to pray too.

I've been to a selection of different religious weddings, I didn't believe a word of what was being said either (expect the bits about love and happiness!), I still managed not to giggle at different beliefs.

Bloody grow up and show some respect! I wod not go, your dh can go instead.