AIBU to not go to a wedding, because I am worried I might be rude?

[SilentLaugher]

My DH and I have been invited to the wedding of his friend. DH accepted on our behalf and I had initially been really looking forward to it. It's a church wedding in the summer, and I think it will be a lovely day.

Although I know the friend well - I don't know much about his fiancée except for the fact that she is a very devout person - CoE I think? The friend is not. I am also an atheist, but I am mostly indifferent to religion - each to their own.

So here's my problem - past experience has told me that, during v. religious ceremonies I do tend to start internally giggling/silent laughing quite uncontrollably - particularly when it's clear that no laughing is allowed.

I don't do it on purpose, and I do my best to control it - but I have just realised that this wedding ceremony will be a bit of a danger zone for me - particularly because the ceremony is quite long, and we've heard through the grapevine that we've been invited "to a wedding, not a party."

I just feel so out of place, and I can't get into singing the songs/saying the prayers at all. It just feels very silly to me - I don't believe a word of it. And my shoulders start shaking like crazy while I try to control it - and of course that sets my DH off too!

AIBU to just not go? My DH will be quite disappointed, we've already spent quite a bit of money on it, and the friend is looking forward to us coming. But I don't want to spoil it for anyone!

do you behave this immaturely in your place of work? just get a grip of yourself, have a word with yourself before the ceremony and think of something sad if you have to.

I think you must be very immature and lacking in respect for people and their differences.

Uncontrollable laughing can be due to anxiety or nervousness. If you seriously don't want to go OP then say you're busy. If you do want to, but are seriously worried about laughing, then agree, sit near the exit and quietly go outside if necessary.

It is perfectly possible to sit through (and even enjoy) church weddings if you are an atheist. My DH is, so he just stands and sits at the appropriate moments but won't pray etc.

Do you think there is an element of nervousness or anxiety in your laughter?

If you can hold it together elsewhere, you can hold it together for a 45 minute wedding service.

This is just so unbelievably rude. Yes - I think you shouldn't go

Laughing at a funeral is just . OK maybe your grandfather wouldn't mind but I hope to God a small child in your family or close acquaintance doesn't die and you are there sniggering in the back row. How dreadful

SilentLaugher your response is very bizarre. You know there is such a thing as laughter in the holy spirit. Maybe God is trying to tell you something! Do come back and tell us if you get slain in the spirit during the service!

Go to the wedding. Sit by the door. Take a big hankie. If you find yourself giggling go to the loo, or pretend to cry.

Don't spoil the bride and groom's day because you look down on their beliefs. I wonder if you could control yourself in any other religious environment or is it just these ultra conservative fundamentalist C of E types that get your goat!

Yes, I am ... C of E!

I get it too. I think it's because you know you're not allowed to laugh. Recently buried my grandma and got the giggles when the vicar was saying 'we are nothing but dust'. His intonation was really strange and all I heard was 'butt dust'. I think I managed to pass it off as crying but it seriously got me.

In reply to your question just make sure you go at the back!

Get a grip or stay outside with the babies. I'd be very, very pissed off if someone sat giggling at a wedding or funeral. You will find you can help it if you need to.

Elphaba99 Oh absolutely there's nervousness in my laughter. Religious ceremonies are so beyond what I know and think about.

I have definitely had the urge to giggle explosively at at least two weddings, and once during a memorial service. It wasn't that I found anything around me funny or even ridiculous, it was almost an intrusive thought thing.

I managed to control myself on all occasions. At one of the weddings, I had to bite down on the strap of my bag when we were doing the kneeling praying bit, but I did it. I learned that trick at yet another wedding, where my brother and I only just kept it together due to a vicar with a really, really loud and show-offy singing voice.

It wasn't that I found anything around me funny or even ridiculous, it was almost an intrusive thought thing.

That's it!

I laugh at inappropriate times quite often, it's uncontrollable and embarrassing for me, I agree to sitting at the back near an exit if possible.

It's time for you grow up!

I think it's the stress/anxiety and the heightened emotions.

Have you tried an anti anxiety tablet just beforehand? I take diazepam for important/emotional meetings when I have to keep a straight face and laughing would be very rude.

you could try watching various religious ceremonies on youtube etc

it might desensitise you

OP I am exactly the same. I don't know what it is, any type of church service. It's not because it's funny but I tend to get little tics and throw things accidentally in situations like funerals, exams etc and I was terrified that it would happen. I never get sat in the front row and no one has ever been outwardly offended, in fact it's a running joke in the family where I set off a Mexican wave of laughter throughout a funeral service. Embarrassing at the time not nothing was "ruined"
Maybe fidgeting with something quietly in your hand might distract you?

Apparently everyone who does not react to things as other people would, expect or want them to - even if it is not a deliberate choice - are all 12-years-old/lacking manners/immature/disrespectful/bizarre.

Some Vicars can be unintentionally comical, unfortunately. 🙊😂

OP does this happen anywhere else than in church? If it's more of a nervousness thing you could maybe have a chat with your GP about a low dose anti-anxiety med like a beta blocker.

If it's literally the religious aspect of the ceremony, I think you will have to just think "horses for courses", go along and be respectful - i.e. stand and sit at the appropriate times, but don't sing or pray. Or you could try going to your local church occasionally to just sit quetly at the back and do a type of de-sensitisation exercise? To get used to sitting through a service without laughing?

Sorry, x posted with Daymoth and Trinity ☺️

No, don't go if you think there's a chance of you sitting there like a disrespectful halfwit . I'm sure they won't be too distraught by your absence.

I tend to cry at things like that rather than laugh even when I don't find then vaguely sad or emotional. I spend a lot of time reciting song lyrics (must get through whole song from start to finish without interruption or start again until you do) just so I'm not concentrating on what's being said.

Silent I think most people would say laughing and apparently having no control over it is very childish. What do you do at work ?

What a lot of spiteful, nasty replies. Silent, it's actually quite a common nervous reaction, there are a significant amount of people that do this at funerals. It may be worth explaining to the groom that you'd like to be seated near the door if possible, explain why, stating that you're anxious about it because you don't wish to ruin anyone's day. Good luck.

I'm an atheist (an ex-catholic one at that) whenever I'm at a church service I have the urge to strip naked and cartwheel up the aisle yelling "what a crock of of shite" but I control myself because ...

I'm not 5
I realise not everything is about me
I wasn't dragged up and possess some manners.

No, dear. All 12 year old's are 12.