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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to live apart from partner to be financially better off?

175 replies

Sunshineroses90 · 16/05/2017 22:49

I currently live with my partner, I'm planning on coming out of work to raise our child. This is partly due to ridiculous childcare costs I'd be £200+ per month out of pocket and I down to the fact I'm the lowest earner out of myself and my partner so it makes more sense for me to lose my wage as opposed to him.

We've been discussing tonight him going back to live with his parents/grandmother in order for me to have a better income and to be entitled to more benefits, we want to prevent living off the bones of our backsides his wage wouldn't cover us and bills (he earns £1000-1200 per month). We wouldn't qualify for much if we put a joint claim in hence wanting to live apart. Is this wrong? All of our family members work full time so nobody to rely on to babysit our child.

OP posts:
MerlinEmrys · 17/05/2017 07:43

Do it OP.

I hope they throw the book at you.

avocadosripe · 17/05/2017 07:45

Op didn't say she wanted to "go to uni", that was another poster.

avocadosripe · 17/05/2017 07:55

But anyway, to briefly address the "political" posts, I think this specific sort of claim - living apart from your partner - was more common under the Major government than the Blair one. Partly because of practicalities but mainly because one of the few benefits available at this time was to lone mothers parents. I can't even remember if it was paid for on a child by child basis, as TCs were until last month.

Also, there was no minimum wage: in 1994, my older brother had a £2.50 an hour job which is worth £3.48 in today's money, so it was harder for lone parents to work, I guess. If you were in a couple but didn't earn enough to survive when working what could you do?

However OP things are v different now (no shit Wink) I think benefits will be all but wiped out this time round. So be very careful indeed.

LondonNicki · 17/05/2017 07:58

Did you plan to have a baby you couldn't afford?

TheSecretMrsFairbrother · 17/05/2017 08:05

My SIL and her partner did this, considered themselves extremely clever for it.

She's currently being investigated for benefit fraud.

Don't do it.

TinfoilHattie · 17/05/2017 08:08

AFAIK from a friend who used to investigate benefit fraud, where people live is just one part of what the authorities look at. They look at whether other people consider them a couple, joint finances, having children together, whether they cook/shop for each other, who is paying the bills, whether the man has his stuff at the woman's house etc etc etc. It's not nearly as simple as "Man lives with his mum". If it were that easy women whose partners are in the Forces would all be "single" as they are send away on a ship for 9 months.

It's fraud and it's morally bankrupt. No point lecturing OP about how on earth two 20 year olds struggling on low wages considered having a baby was a great idea, especiallly when there are plans for training and higher wages. It's not as if she's 40 and thinking it's her last chance for a baby.

Culture of entitlement really does grind my gears, it's a dreadful way to think.

Osolea · 17/05/2017 08:15

How would this be any different to single parents getting all the single parent benefits they are entitled to while at the same time getting maintenance from the child's other parent?

The only difference would be that there's love and sex involved, and you can't base benefit rules on that. Practically, it's exactly the same. This is why the whole system should be changed and single parents should be paid with enforced CMS payments from the NRP going through HMRC.

Topas0117 · 17/05/2017 08:16

With an annual income of approximately £14,000, you would be entitled to some tax credits and your DP would be entitled to working tax credits.

Gazelda · 17/05/2017 08:18

Have you factored in his travel costs? And a contribution towards his living expenses to his Parents? Don't you spend time together on his days off? That's what your DD will be missing out on.

Get all figures checked out before you make such a drastic decision.

But more than that, its fraud and morally wrong.

gamerchick · 17/05/2017 08:22

You need to stop assuming things re what you're entitled to legit. Put in a tax credit claim.

ShatnersWig · 17/05/2017 08:23

"Children having children" as Judge Judy would exclaim to Byrd giving him one of her withering looks.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 17/05/2017 08:24

I would immediately stop any benefit I wouldn't be entitled to.

You aren't entitled to it now.

HTH.

SemiNormal · 17/05/2017 08:25

Yes go for it. Get those who are more wealthy to fund your lifestyle choices. Money is far more important than relationships and family anyway, both of which are very over-rated. Take every single penny you can out of the system - just be sure to put some aside for when the NHS collapses and you no longer have free health care, make sure to build another pot for when education becomes more expensive too, oh and one more for when you hit pensionable age as there may be nothing left by then. So yes, go for it, sounds like a positively wonderful idea.

UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 17/05/2017 08:25

OP I think you know this is wrong, otherwise you wouldn't be asking.
What you are really asking IMO is, can I get away with this?

cosytoaster · 17/05/2017 08:28

I think you should probably stay in work and check out Tax Credits - they will base your claim on your new circumstances and take your childcare costs into account, you may also be entitled to some Housing Benefit (if you rent) and Council tax Benefit. Generally, working and claiming Tax Credits will leave you better off.

Funnyonion17 · 17/05/2017 08:29

It's still fraud. It's not about who sleeps where necessarily, it's about financial support and living as a family unit. A compliance officer told me this

blackteasplease · 17/05/2017 08:30

As well as it being morally awful....

I agree with pookie and other posters that you personally won't be better off. You p will be far better of as he will have to keep the majority of money for himself.

Can't be in a financial partnership with you.

I don't think you've thought this through at all.

You are basically giving your p a free rein to cop out of all parenting responsibility, all night wakings, everything. Why choose this?

And semi is right that family relationships are more important than a bit more money.

blackteasplease · 17/05/2017 08:36

Ps i bet it was the p who suggested this and not the op.

The only person who benefits in these benefit fraud (or immoral situation close to benefit fraud) scenarios is the man ime. Gets out of all the hard work and financial responsibility. Woman risks prison for benefit fraud.

Sionella · 17/05/2017 08:37

Quite apart from all the moral and legal arguments explained well above - yeah, good luck having a newborn and your partner disappearing every night!! Lots of single parents have no choice but to cope by themselves. Ask any of them if they would have liked more help.

ElinoristhenewEnid · 17/05/2017 08:39

I think that now the new 2 child rule has come in for tax credits claims there may be more couples splitting up because If you have 4 children 2 'single' parents could claim 2x tax credits.

TheSecretMrsFairbrother · 17/05/2017 08:39

blackteas that's pretty much what's happened with SIL and her partner.

His justification is that only one of her children is his so why should he pay to support the others?

Bumbumtaloo · 17/05/2017 08:47

OP I agree with others it would be fraud. As others have said you can claim for the year you are in and also for tax credits if you have had/or still claiming SMP the first £100 used to be disregarded, double check if that is still the case.

I have included the tax credits wage brackets, it's very useful and you can look at different incomes at a glance.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/tax-credits-entitlement-tables-working-at-least-16-hours-and-paying-childcare/tax-credits-entitlement-tables-working-at-least-16-hours-and-paying-childcare

Dawndonnaagain · 17/05/2017 08:51

Half the population is doing it Rubbish.

Poisongirl81 · 17/05/2017 08:51

I had an interview under caution this year through their cock up and it was scary as hell. I would hate to think how terrified I would be if I had done something wrong. It's not nice and not worth worry op.

Soubriquet · 17/05/2017 08:52

You're going to have to suck up and manage like everyone else

I'm a sahm with 2 dc. One nursery one pre-school

My dh works full time at minimum wage and can bring in around £1000-£1500 a month depending on hours.

I get £115 a week in child tax credits, he gets £28 a week in working tax credits.

We also get our child benefit and dh has the marriage allowance on his tax code to save money that way too

Apart from that we manage

Things are tight sometimes but we manage to pay all our bills, food shopping and still have money left over for luxuries.

When my children start school, I intend on going back to work