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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to live apart from partner to be financially better off?

175 replies

Sunshineroses90 · 16/05/2017 22:49

I currently live with my partner, I'm planning on coming out of work to raise our child. This is partly due to ridiculous childcare costs I'd be £200+ per month out of pocket and I down to the fact I'm the lowest earner out of myself and my partner so it makes more sense for me to lose my wage as opposed to him.

We've been discussing tonight him going back to live with his parents/grandmother in order for me to have a better income and to be entitled to more benefits, we want to prevent living off the bones of our backsides his wage wouldn't cover us and bills (he earns £1000-1200 per month). We wouldn't qualify for much if we put a joint claim in hence wanting to live apart. Is this wrong? All of our family members work full time so nobody to rely on to babysit our child.

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 17/05/2017 06:20

WomblingThree

Huh? Half the people on this website state their opinion as fact. I have just said, if you can prove my opinion wrong then please do so - I will happily admit you've wrong if I am. But sticking what you believe to be an hour's reading in front of someone and being unable to point to the section that proves your point about my ignorance isn't making your argument. I read the page you linked to. It took about 3 minutes. If you have actual information from HMRC about the OP's situation, please present it. I will feel free to ignore you until you do.

Trifleorbust · 17/05/2017 06:21

*you're right if I am wrong

Wonders71 · 17/05/2017 06:22

Yeah the goverment are only going to give you enough for the basics...so the fact you would get help with your rent and council tax has nothing to do with it! Fucking joke

Wonders71 · 17/05/2017 06:22

Yeah the goverment are only going to give you enough for the basics...so the fact you would get help with your rent and council tax has nothing to do with it! Fucking joke

WomblingThree · 17/05/2017 06:34

Well these two went to prison so I guess that was classed as fraud.

The point of the page I linked to was the external links to the HMRC compliance manual, about how they investigate whether people who are separated are still a couple. If it isn't fraud, then why would they bother devoting so much time to investigating it.

You categorically stated that what the OP is planning isn't fraud.

Trifleorbust · 17/05/2017 06:40

WomblingThree

I'm not searching through a cascade of links to prove your point for you. Provide the detail or don't, I don't really care either way.

mustiwearabra · 17/05/2017 06:41

During this time we would be living apart, I would only claim enough to keep myself and baby ticking over (food, clothes, nappies etc).

Oh well that's fine then.

Biscuit
Creampastry · 17/05/2017 06:46

Benefit fraud.... scrounger

Shurleyshummishtake · 17/05/2017 06:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DavidYucke · 17/05/2017 06:51

Yanbu, maybe do it for a while until your dp or yourself or both find a better paid job.

LakieLady · 17/05/2017 06:52

The benefit rules on what constitutes cohabitation are quite vague, so whether or not you are considered to be cohabiting is complicated.

It's not just a matter of overnight stays, sharing a bed or shagging. They would look into whether you share meals, whether shopping is done jointly, whether you socialise together or even just watch tv together in the evenings.

When the DWP or the council suspect cohabitation, they stop all benefits while they investigate. I've dealt with 2 such cases, one took over a year to sort out, the other took 18 months. In the second case, the family were evicted for rent arrears, and the council wouldn't house them because they were found to be intentionally homeless. (In the first case, the housing officer didn't believe that there was cohabitation and didn't proceed with possession proceedings).

Do you really want to risk putting your child through that?

Apart from that, it's immoral imo. People struggle enough to get the benefits they are entitled to. Those who commit fraud contribute to the myth that everyone's at it and are part of the reason why people who have no choice but to rely on benefits are demonised.

You chose to have a child without considering how you would manage financially. You need to suck it up, it won't be for ever. And check that you are getting everything you ARE entitled to.

KarmaNoMore · 17/05/2017 07:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KarmaNoMore · 17/05/2017 07:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MakingBaconPancakes · 17/05/2017 07:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheNaze73 · 17/05/2017 07:08

I think you'd be morally bankrupt to even consider this.

MakingBaconPancakes · 17/05/2017 07:12

It's not the end of the world. Your partner is 20 so I'm guessing you are about that age too?

Why don't you take a year out and then retrain or go to uni after? Theres is a lot of financial support for students with families and you could get into a well paid job by the end of it. If you are older than20, can still do this. I'm a lot older than 20 nd am all set to go back to retrain in September.

Enjoy some time off with your baby and be on a strict budgdt it's doable! (And no need to commit fraud! It's immoral!)

Brittbugs80 · 17/05/2017 07:13

If you can't afford to be a SAHM on your husband's wage with the Child Benefit top up then I'm afraid you can't do it.

You should never treat benefits as a wage replacement or a second option to working.

People have this wonderful idea that they will leave a beautiful, comfy life on benefits, complete with holidays, big TV, Sky etc.

You won't.

WunWun · 17/05/2017 07:15

I agree with everyone else. This is benefit fraud and fucking unreasonable.

LadyLapsang · 17/05/2017 07:17

State benefits are supposed to be a safety net not a lifestyle choice. Given you are quite young (a large percentage of your cohort are at university and being supported by their parents) are your respective parents not able to help out financially to support you both developing careers while maintaining your couple relationship and parenting your child together?

Alfieisnoisy · 17/05/2017 07:23

OP, you need to claim tax credits....you are entitled to those as your income has dropped by more than £5000pa . Once you do this I think you'll find you no longer need to be thinking of him moving out.

avocadosripe · 17/05/2017 07:28

Not everyone can "go to uni."

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 17/05/2017 07:30

So you had a child neither of you planned to support and now plan to play the system as it doesn't give you the amount you deem enough. Gee, I wonder why the Tories are ahead in the polls.

You both need to grow up and take responsibility. You made the child, you should support them. Work round each other to avoid childcare costs if you have to.

The sooner benefits are cut, the better as far as I am concerned. All these chidren being used for money and adults abdicating all responsibility.

Westray · 17/05/2017 07:33

So you want me to pay for your kid so you can swan off and go to uni?

CatThiefKeith · 17/05/2017 07:34

Just out of interest, who would look after your Dd while you were in prison Op?

A friend of mine got 6 months for claiming her partner didn't live with her. Punishments for benefit fraud can be quite severe.

mustiwearabra · 17/05/2017 07:34

Out of interest OP, did you deliberately get pregnant knowing that it would be financially tight/impossible?