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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to live apart from partner to be financially better off?

175 replies

Sunshineroses90 · 16/05/2017 22:49

I currently live with my partner, I'm planning on coming out of work to raise our child. This is partly due to ridiculous childcare costs I'd be £200+ per month out of pocket and I down to the fact I'm the lowest earner out of myself and my partner so it makes more sense for me to lose my wage as opposed to him.

We've been discussing tonight him going back to live with his parents/grandmother in order for me to have a better income and to be entitled to more benefits, we want to prevent living off the bones of our backsides his wage wouldn't cover us and bills (he earns £1000-1200 per month). We wouldn't qualify for much if we put a joint claim in hence wanting to live apart. Is this wrong? All of our family members work full time so nobody to rely on to babysit our child.

OP posts:
ThePinkOcelot · 16/05/2017 23:00

Disgusting!!

StickThatInYourPipe · 16/05/2017 23:02

Moving so that justifies this situation does it? Lying to the council to get more money?

crazycatgal · 16/05/2017 23:03

Yes YABU that's benefit fraud...

MovingtoParadise · 16/05/2017 23:04

What does the council have to do with it Confused

harderandharder2breathe · 16/05/2017 23:05

YABU

it's fraud.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 16/05/2017 23:05

Yeah, doesn't sound like a good plan...

StickThatInYourPipe · 16/05/2017 23:06

moving I have no idea how to claim benefits, I would assume you did it through the council. Please insert correct governing body! FFS lying to anyone to get your hands on more cash is wrong, not matter who you are lying to!

PookieDo · 16/05/2017 23:08

Aside from this being wonky on the benefits front, I think you have other options here and this is not the best one.
Living apart could kill your marriage and also isn't good for your child is it? How confusing would it be for them? Really this is not a good plan. You will get tax credits and working family tax credits and help with childcare, surely?
Or don't go back to this job, try find a better one? DP find a better job? Cut down on your outgoings? Move to a more affordable house?
I would get some financial advice from CAB

Pop24 · 16/05/2017 23:08

If this is a real question? Friends did this, someone reported that they were actually a couple. Had to pay all benefits back. It's fraud and I wouldn't risk it.

stitchglitched · 16/05/2017 23:08

Not sure that you would be better off tbh. Claiming as the lone parent of one child isn't going to have you raking it in. Not to mention you will still have to attend the job centre and jump through their hoops even on income support. In addition you may find yourself under suspicion if neighbours /people you know see him staying over or know that you are still together. And it would mean that your child and their father couldn't live together. Plenty of families manage on a low income.

PookieDo · 16/05/2017 23:09

PS I am a single mother and I a mother far far better off in work than claiming income support. Many times over. I assure you it is not a good way to live

blackteasplease · 16/05/2017 23:10

If this is politically motivated, it's just made me think the minimum wage should definitely go up, so not necessarily the result you were hoping for.

Poisongirl81 · 16/05/2017 23:10

That's fraud

eerry · 16/05/2017 23:11

They have really cracked down in this type of thing now. If he stays over at yours regularly, you eat or shop together, do laundry etc it counts as living together for benefit purposes. I know lots of families that were 'living apart' that have had benefits stopped.

SaucyJack · 16/05/2017 23:11

It's not morally wonderful- although not illegal if he genuinely does move out.

Are you sure you'd even be significantly better off after claiming everything that you can? You'd get housing benefit and tax credits presumably?

TheHyacinthGirl · 16/05/2017 23:11

How old is your child OP? I'm a single parent (working) and DS has just received 30 hours of free funding at nursery. That's helped me massively on the childcare front.
I think two parent families can receive it too, can't they?

Original poster
Sunshineroses90 · 16/05/2017 23:13

Sorry should clear a few things up.
Partner is 20 he's on minimum wage working full time after tax that is what he comes home with.
If we were to put a joint claim in it goes on last years earnings, I was earning £1300-1500 per month. He was working in the same job. So any claims would be working off these figures which is now not the case income wise. I am pt on a wage of £600 per month.

If we were to live together partner wants to go and become a skilled worker, he would be living 60 miles away to do so. We'd see each other 1-2 times a week in order for him to do his training and earn more. During this time we would be living apart, I would only claim enough to keep myself and baby ticking over (food, clothes, nappies etc).
As for saying it's not fair on baby she's not going to know any different. Partner is currently shift working and I barely get to see him we see 2 hours of each other a day.

Once qualified and in a more well paid job we plan to live back with one another. I would immediately stop any benefit I wouldn't be entitled to.

OP posts:
NewIdeasToday · 16/05/2017 23:16

I completely support the benefits system in Britain. But this is appalling.

Why should I work my butt off, and work full time despite having two kids, so you can sit at home with your kid. How can you possibly think that is fair???

How did you plan to support your family when the two if you decided to have a child? What has changed since then?

If you really can't afford childcare then you should get a different times from your partner eg evenings and weekends.

clumsyduck · 16/05/2017 23:17

I'm afraid that's benefit fraud

Fair enough when someone already lives alone with dc and gets a new partner and hey don't move in / don't support financially etc untill down the line

But you would clearly still be expecting to use some of his income to support the family .

PookieDo · 16/05/2017 23:18

Both move back in with family until you are on your feet and earning and don't split up the family and claim wonky benefits?

stitchglitched · 16/05/2017 23:19

Why didn't your OP ask about claiming benefits as a short term measure whilst your partner undertakes work training then? Instead of saying so you can claim more benefits.

PookieDo · 16/05/2017 23:22

OP, if he moves out you cannot be financially linked. He cannot give you regular money. They will expect him to pay CSA maintence rates (am I correct in this rule for income support?) they will go over your bank statements to look for undeclared income (yes they do) and know all the links you may have. If you lie and just take cash off him then you still run the risk of them catching you out by monitoring you

I've had friends have tax credits stopped for totally innocent reasons of accidental financial links. You would then have benefits frozen while they investigate and potential hefty repayments. I had a mix up with my housing benefit/wage slips a few years ago I owe them £2k! Which takes forever to pay back at a weekly rate

NotMyPenguin · 16/05/2017 23:23

Er, sorry, yes, YABVU.

Those benefits are for people who are genuinely single parents and don't have the financial, emotional or practical support of another parent.

Also, it's highly likely that your circumstances would be investigated and you could be done for fraud.

BadKnee · 16/05/2017 23:23

Half the population is doing it. Most don't get caught so fraud figures are low. That's why there is so much anger about benefits. Rage in fact. It will fuck it up for everyone.
.

This should not be possible - but it is - your figures stack up. It seems idiocy not to do it when you look at it like that. But yeah, it's fraud.

If you did get caught - and they are getting much tougher - the consequences would be serious.

Oswin · 16/05/2017 23:24

OP, no you can get tax credits!!
Trust me you will be better off.
Because your yearly income has dropped by 5000 or more they only assess your new circumstances.

Who told you this?

Honestly you would be much better off living together with a wage and tax credits than living on Ic. It's horrible trust me.