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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour constantly walking through my front garden.

767 replies

Light69 · 16/05/2017 06:41

I am not sure if my dh was being unreasonable for shouting at him this morning so here it goes. Not 100% sure if it is my neighbours eldest son or there daughters boy friend. He sleeps there most nights but doesn't appear to have house keys, I know this because he sits in his car at the bottom of my drive waiting to be let in. So he went through a stage of what ever side of the drive I parked in he would park directly behind me across the bottom of the drive blocking me in. This made it difficult to get off the drive as I was blocked in and had to kind of edge backwards and forwards to move the car to the otherside of the drive to reserve off it safely. We have a dropped kerb that runs the whole width of the drive but this didn't seem to bother him. I started reversing on to make it easier to pull off and out of the blue he stopped doing it. He has now moved on walking through our front garden to get to and from this car. So he comes out of their house steps over a small wall and walks right over my front door step and behind my car. He will push my kitchen windows in if they are open wide so he can fit behind the car easier then trotts off down the drive. On occasion if we have been leaving at the same time he has bumped into my dc or I have had to step back to stop him walking into me, I have asked him to stop but he doesn't. So this morning when dh was leaving for work he did it again and dh lost his temper and shouted at him and swore a bit, was dh in the wrong for this and how would you deal with the situation?

OP posts:
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14
Birdsgottaf1y · 16/05/2017 09:46

I think you've missed two opportunities to react in a way that will make him think twice.

I'd have put a different spin on him bumping into your DH and turn it into an assault, which means that your DH could have defended himself.

When he touched your kitchen windows, I'd go hysterical screaming that he was trying to get in through the window and phone the Police.

If he went near the children on your property, I'd be shouting for him to get away from your children.

I've been in similar positions and it's the only thing that works.

But, I'd be speaking to the neighbours today. Your DH was incredibly restrained.

Freddystarshamster · 16/05/2017 09:46

I wondered how long it would be before someone suggested the police, and as ever mumsnet doesn't fail. Apparently there is no situation ever, which cannot be resolved without police involvement, regardless of any criminal laws being broken.

Ffs it is not harassment by any stretch of the law. As for the poster suggesting lieing about staring at your children, guess what? That's also not against the law. Trespass is a civil offence.

Original poster
Light69 · 16/05/2017 09:50

No man handling will be going that is not an option. NDN's house is the same layout as ours so there front door is the far end of there house closest to their other next door neighbour. He uses the front door so they know he is there so it is not that. He comes out their front door past their dinning room window, past the kitchen window then their gate then over the wall and well you know the rest. I honestly think he does it because he thinks it is quicker. Both parents are at work at the moment but I will mention it to them this evening. And to whom ever asked yes I have dc youngest is 4 and he has bumped into her when she has been walking out to get in the car. He did apologise straight away to her and this is when I requested he stop using our garden as a path. I do have 3 big pots in the garden big enough to house a toddler so think I will move these to the top of the drive and get planting as they will block his route and hopefully he gets the message.

OP posts:
treaclesoda · 16/05/2017 09:50

I don't know the ins and outs of the law (clearly! otherwise I wouldn't need to ask Grin) but would it not be a form of harassment to continually trespass on someone's property when you have been clearly asked not to? Eg I imagine it's not a stretch to think that if this were a single female, with no partner, posting about a neighbour continually trespassing on her driveway, people would consider it quite intimidating behaviour.

Or would the law not view it that way? (Not that I'm suggesting calling the police when it happens!)

HappyFlappy · 16/05/2017 09:51

As for the poster suggesting lieing about staring at your children

I didn't suggest LYING about him staring at OP'Ss children (OP may not even have any children). OP says that when confronted he just stands and stares. I suggested that OP says that she finds this disturbing and worrying, and that if she has a family they do too.

It may be an exaggeration, but it's not a lie. And personally I would find this sort of weird behaviour disturbing - people who don't react when you address them can be very unsettling.

HappyFlappy · 16/05/2017 09:52

He did apologise straight away to her

This suggests that there isn't an SEN element. He's just an arse.

Inertia · 16/05/2017 09:52

Try speaking to the neighbours, and ask them to put a stop to it. Bother them every single time, so it becomes something they want to stop.

It really seems like he is coming up with different strategies to annoy you every time you solve the current problem.

HappyFlappy · 16/05/2017 09:53

Cross-post re: children. Apologies.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 16/05/2017 09:53

The PCSOs in this city/region are quite hot on antisocial behaviour as they try to stop it escalating. They deal with all sorts of things, like teenagers hanging around in groups and other minor community issues that aren't criminal. people complaining about children playing in the street seems to be the latest, so they turned up to check it was ok, chatted pleasantly to the parents for 5 minutes and told the complainant to 'lay off'.

Original poster
Light69 · 16/05/2017 09:56

He did once bump into my youngest dd and apologised to her immediately and request he stop using the drive as a cut through to which I got a blank stare.

OP posts:
Hairydontcare · 16/05/2017 10:00

Does he know it's YOUR garden? Or could he be assuming it's communal land?

AmberStClare · 16/05/2017 10:00

Another vote for Pyracantha. Berberis is also very prickly and effective at keeping out intruders. If it weren't illegal I would be putting Giant Hogweed all along your fence as well, nice weals it raises on the skin when sunny!

He sounds a complete tool. My friend had a similar problem with neighbours children. She put up a fence, they kicked it down, built a wall and they kicke it down. She moved house when the adults started using her garden as a short cut too.

Freddystarshamster · 16/05/2017 10:03

It may be an exaggeration but not a lie

Yes it would be. This is why there's not enough police to deal with incidents. Because people think it's acceptable to lie/exaggerate an incident in order for police attendance rather than deal with it themselves.

Treacle Nope, it's not harassment.

CoraPirbright · 16/05/2017 10:03

Good luck with your chat with the neighbours. Hope they are amenable. If not, send your kids over to play football on their lawn at the weekend only half joking. Actually, don't do that - two wrongs and all that.

I like the sound of motion activated sprinklers but would they really soak someone? A light sprinkle probably wouldnt stop him. A drenching with a large bucket however.......honestly what a git! As someone pointed out, if he can drive and hold down a job, he has enough wit to understand "stop bloody trespassing on my garden". If someone walked right past my window, so close they had to move the bloody thing to get by, it would make me jump out of my skin!!

BaronessEllaSaturday · 16/05/2017 10:05

He did once bump into my youngest dd and apologised to her immediately and request he stop using the drive as a cut through to which I got a blank stare.

That sounds to me like he just doesn't understand about property ownership. If he is the bf then it may just be the way he has been brought up, I've come across it with some children previously I can very much see them being just like this man when they grow up.

leighb23 · 16/05/2017 10:06

Oh you're missing another trick, OP. don't bother with all these costly plants... dig a naffing great big trench along the edge of your fence. Then when he climbs over he'll fall in the hole. Grin
Well; you're just prepping the garden for some shrubs. Aerating the soil; i belive is the term 🙄

Original poster
Light69 · 16/05/2017 10:07

I don't see how he couldn't know it is our front garden, there are 8 houses each side of the street and everyone's house and garden are identical from the outside. The parents are both usually in when I leave for the school run so I might start sending my dc the long way round to the car. Over the wall in front of their windows down their path then on to the pavement back up our path and into the car, that might be slightly passive aggressive though.

OP posts:
AmberStClare · 16/05/2017 10:09

What a shame man traps are no longer available or legal for use on ones land.

anon1987 · 16/05/2017 10:10

No I would have done the same!
What a cocky little twat!.

I'd talk to your neighbours and tell them that the person shagging their daughter is a disrespectful prick!.

Elphaba99 · 16/05/2017 10:13

It is harassment. As you have asked/told him several times and he still persists in trespassing on your property then you would be well within your rights to ask the Police to speak to him.

I genuinely can't understand your attitude re "hoping he gets the message", OP? I'm very laid back but this would infuriate me.

susanboozan · 16/05/2017 10:16

Trellis on top of the low wall he hops over maybe? Instant solution.

TheweewitchRoz · 16/05/2017 10:16

Speak to your neighbours or otherwise be washing your windows / doorstep anytime he is walking across & make sure the water goes over him (accidentally of course!)

He sounds like an aggravating fucker TBH. Hope you get sorted.

GabsAlot · 16/05/2017 10:18

i wouldnt spend any money trying to keep him off why shold u

go round the ndn an ask them politly to tell him or u will report hm for trespassing

Kokusai · 16/05/2017 10:20

Or just a couple of plant pots with tall-ish tihngs on top of the wall he hops over - to make it way more obvious.

Spiky canes in the pots holding up the plants for support...?

AStickInTime · 16/05/2017 10:24

Big plant pots under your window sounds like a good idea. Plus motion sensor sprinklers. Plus trellis right in front of the tiny wall he leaps over.