Husband moans whilst eating.

[CrapTonOfKids]

I can't stand it! It's like this quiet, almost inaudible groan. A bit of a sex noise if I'm honest. I can't sit next to him at the dinner table because it makes me want to stab him with my fork. Speaking of which, he also holds his fork like a toddler, scooping with his fist facing downwards. I didn't pay much attention in the beginning of our relationship. Now I can't bear to watch him eat. His mother does it too. She gesticulates at the table with her cutlery in her hands! I caught one of our kids doing it, so being a responsible mother, I explained the importance of good table manners. It is important right? Please tell me I ANBU?

When MIL drinks, her swallow sounds like a bloody drain. She drinks copious amounts of tea and unless there's some other noise (such as tv) at the same time you have to sit through this GULP, GULP, GULP. No doubt she can't help it but it drives me bonkers.

D'you know, one time I described my BIL's lip smacking and someone else's (don't recall whom) talking with their mouth full to my mum and she replied with the standard 'Eww" but I was thinking "But you speak with your mouth full and Dad chomps and lip smacks, WTF?" Are they really that unaware?!

Oh and the worst noise ever:

Sluuurrrppp-GULP-Ahhhhh .... Sluuurrrppp-GULP-Ahhhhh .... Sluuurrrppp-GULP-Ahhhhh

My MIL has bread of some sort with every single meal - she eats with a fork in one hand and slice of bread in the other - one or the other arm curled around the plate, like a child hiding their work from the child next to them at school. Gives me the rage.

Whereas DH and my own mother are both 'mechanical' eaters - it's a steady, perfectly timed (like a metronome) chomp, chomp, chomp ..... how do they even make their chomps so loud? If my mother puts celery out for a help yourself salad I have to leave the room - the celery chomping is the all-time worst!

Bleurrrgghhh!

Someone with poor table manners in public are going to have disgusting bathroom habits too.

Fact.

Euuuwww my shoulders are up by my ears just reading all these! Currently thanking my stars for my DH whose table manners are pretty much impeccable (but also enjoying a guilty giggle)

I used to live with a girl who had no idea how to eat - she would make vast plates of stir fry or salad with all sorts of enormous green leaves and then sit and chomp with the salad sort of making its way in with each bite. It was like watching one of those videos of guinea pigs eating a bit of lettuce - would disappear bit by bit. The whole time she'd be chatting away with these vast fronds of green dangling out of her gob. Revolting.

I also used to date someone who was the fastest eater in the world - literally every second his fork was on the plate getting more food and then every five bites or so he'd pause for a few seconds, cheeks bulging and chewing away like mad to get rid of it before he stuffed more in. Sometimes with bits peeking out the sides. Blegh.

You married him OP, and he didn't suddenly start a new thing to annoy you, he was always like this! I think you should try to focus on something more useful, and accept that he is what he is, and you're being a bit precious.
You can still correct your DCs table manners, and if they say 'but Daddy does it', make a joke of it, that you want them to be posher than him. He may pick up on this and change his habits, but otherwise I think you should suck it up - you got more fussy, that's not his fault.

My mil who we apparently HAVE to have over for Sunday fucking lunch every other Sunday has started to eat everything with her fingers. She is an absolute martyr and denies herself anything nice or tasty so her Sunday lunch consists of just dry veg, a tiny bit of meat and a couple of Yorkshires, no gravy. She's started to pick it all up with her fingers and then eat it with her mouth open.
I know she does this to piss me off. She knows I'm very hot on table manners and will repeatedly tell dsd not to tear her food, to use her knife properly, hold her fork properly, not pick up a whole sausage on a for like a lollipop etc etc etc, mil massively disapproves of me 'telling dsd off' (in her eyes) and therefore has started eating like a pig just to piss me off.
It won't work, I'm still going to remind dsd to eat nicely if need be. I might just slip in the odd PA mention of not eating with your fingers because you're not a toddler.

I can't actually rtft as its making feel a bit queasy. I'm just wondering how people can bear to be married and eat meal after meal, day after day without killing these husbands/partners. As for those with kids that do it now,please protect their future relationship by teaching them basic decent table manners for the love of God.

JamieXeed I'll pay attention to you when you figure which word is correct, 'your or you're'

excellent come back!

Is he good in bed OP? Sounds like a sensually appreciative type.