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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband moans whilst eating.

162 replies

CrapTonOfKids · 15/05/2017 21:36

I can't stand it! It's like this quiet, almost inaudible groan. A bit of a sex noise if I'm honest. I can't sit next to him at the dinner table because it makes me want to stab him with my fork. Speaking of which, he also holds his fork like a toddler, scooping with his fist facing downwards. I didn't pay much attention in the beginning of our relationship. Now I can't bear to watch him eat. His mother does it too. She gesticulates at the table with her cutlery in her hands! I caught one of our kids doing it, so being a responsible mother, I explained the importance of good table manners. It is important right? Please tell me I ANBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
CrapTonOfKids · 15/05/2017 22:07

It's making me laugh too. Better that than cry eh?!?

OP posts:
SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 15/05/2017 22:08

Nothing snobby about it.

Kill him with his cutlery, it's the only way.

AntigoneJones · 15/05/2017 22:08

how utterly dreadful.
I used to share a house with a woman who mainly lived on bits of toast and cereal, and if you did give her something proper to eat, she would look around guiltily, and then eat it, going MMMM MMM MMMMM MMMMM.
fucking annoying but I guess she had food issues.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 15/05/2017 22:10

"JamieXeed I'll pay attention to you when you figure which word is correct, 'your or you're'"

BURN

Original poster
CrapTonOfKids · 15/05/2017 22:10

I printed that Always / Never photo off a few months ago and stuck it on the fridge "for the children". He didn't get the hint. Well occasionally he turns his fork the right way, but still mostly doesn't weird fist!

OP posts:
Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 15/05/2017 22:10

I would be eating in another room. . Even if mil is there. .

Nancy91 · 15/05/2017 22:10

Mine does the sex noise thing when he eats too! You are not alone! Very awkward when we go out for work meals etc

Pentapus · 15/05/2017 22:12

I think you should follow your instinct and stab him with your fork. And then report back of course.

NavyandWhite · 15/05/2017 22:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

highinthesky · 15/05/2017 22:13

YANBU. I know someone who does this, except it sounds like a bowel movement after every bite Confused

Either way, it's very off putting!

user1493759849 · 15/05/2017 22:14

I know a man who (when he is eating a biscuit,) makes an 'O' shape out of his forefinger and thumb, puts his hand up to the level of his face, (with the 'O' shape facing up,) and balances the biscuit on it, and gnaws around the biscuit. So bizarre to watch. Confused

He also licks every bit of yogurt off the lid as he is taking the lid off. Lid one fifth off - lick, lid two fifths off; lick, lid three fifths off; lick. lid four fifths off: lick; lid completely off; licks remaining fifth.

He also eats donuts with a knife and fork. Weirdo!

OfficerVanHalen · 15/05/2017 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FedglingFTB · 15/05/2017 22:17

Mine will literally chomp down on utensils, puts me right on edge. Also licks plate and cutlery clean 🤢

ohgoshIdontknow · 15/05/2017 22:17

This is hilarious. I really feel for you OP!

BuzzKillington · 15/05/2017 22:17

Oh God - kill him.

The using the fork like a shovel would be reason enough without the moaning.

Squishedstrawberry4 · 15/05/2017 22:20

I think you should make a big sign and place it on the table. It could say 'no sex noises while eating'

Or get ear plugs.

Or let him eat first and you eat seperatly after with DH. Be honest about the noise

fessmess · 15/05/2017 22:21

Lipsmackers give me the absolute rage 😡😡😡

timeforabrewnow · 15/05/2017 22:21

Fedging - licks the plate?

Leave the b***

That is beyond the pale.

LadyRoseate · 15/05/2017 22:23

Oh I'd go insane. I have an aunt who does it and it's bad enough enduring a meal with her once or twice a year. If it was every day I couldn't stand it. She goes "Mmmmm! mmmmm! mmmm! mmm!" constantly, it's excruciating.

It's difficult when you find someone's foibles irritating because they probably don't mean to and it seems so cruel to tell them. I found a lot of exP's phrases and noises maddening but I felt like such a bitch if I ever brought anything like that up with him - plus it never changed anything anyway.

TheDonald · 15/05/2017 22:24

My ex made sex noises when he ate. Exactly the same noises as during actual sex.

I didn't notice for the first few years. I think I was too loved up. Then I realised I'd started doing it too.

I made myself stop but then his were even more annoying.

I was never brave enough to tell him. I ltb instead!

NellieFiveBellies · 15/05/2017 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
CrapTonOfKids · 15/05/2017 22:29

Nelliefive 😂
And who said "sounds like a bowel movement"? Arghhhh yes! Now you mention it! It does sound like that too.
And the O shaped biscuit hand? Weird!
Actually, another thing he does when he's eating hangs like nuts or small sweets, he has a handful and he breathes in Nd sucks one at a time into his mouth. I swear at times I've prayed one of those little nuggets will get stuck in his bloody windpipe....
People are fucking weird.

OP posts:
LightYears · 15/05/2017 22:31

You need to put LOUD music on.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 15/05/2017 22:32

My ex used to sit and eat a whole bunch of celery with peanut butter.

The children miss him terribly

Chocrock · 15/05/2017 22:33

Eating noises and bad table manners are a huge turn off. Yanbu