Husband moans whilst eating.

[CrapTonOfKids]

I can't stand it! It's like this quiet, almost inaudible groan. A bit of a sex noise if I'm honest. I can't sit next to him at the dinner table because it makes me want to stab him with my fork. Speaking of which, he also holds his fork like a toddler, scooping with his fist facing downwards. I didn't pay much attention in the beginning of our relationship. Now I can't bear to watch him eat. His mother does it too. She gesticulates at the table with her cutlery in her hands! I caught one of our kids doing it, so being a responsible mother, I explained the importance of good table manners. It is important right? Please tell me I ANBU?

I cannot fucking stand bad table manners! To me, it's really important. It's how I was brought up.

My mum's brother (and sister) fork food into their mouths and then chew it very fast. My uncle, especially. It's repulsive. I can never understand how his wife and daughters could bear to eat with him.

My mum sounds like a munching horse when she eats! Her jaw does that sort of circular movement. I am terrified of her aging, as I know it will just get worse! I can be having a nice time with her, and then when she starts eating I could scream/stab her/cry/vomit.

STBXH does that thing of flinging his head back to get the last bit of food in his gob properly- like Nigella Lawson does with long pasta. I think Nige must think it's sexy, but it horrifies me!!

DD (8!!) does the moaning! Aargh.

My DH is a silent sexer but he does that too . What a feckin weirdo.

Sort of 'hyum num num mmmmmm'. He also brings his face to his food, sticks his tongue out instead of placing the fork into his maw like a normal person AND doesn't wait till it cooks or blow it, but instead rolls it round his mouth breathing a lot if it's too hot he also does like an angry camel chew if it's hot, so side to side.

He's currently upstairs hocking phlegm into the sink which apparently he can't help odd how I've managed to get by without ever doing it but whatevs.

He's lucky I quite like him really.

Send him to eat in the kitchen/scullery/garden, wherever you might consider feeding the children, until he's learnt to behave like an adult at table.

I either tell him to shut up his noisy face or just stare at him

He takes it quite well really.

Eventually it will become white noise.

Or laugh next time he does it and ask if he's just orgasmed.

Argh no!

Wordlem oh yes! Ruprecht! If I ever have another dog I'm calling him that, so he can 'run and run'.

Staples that is almost scary. Is he definitely human and not one of those Men in Black type aliens?

When I was a kid my stepdad used to really bother me with his slurpy eating and now I'm super sensitive to it This is actually a thing it's called -misophonia

staplees wtf he takes a whole bowl of food even if there are other peoples?

my dh lick his plate thankfully not in public though he did do it round my dsis once

DH does this although I only ever notice when he is eating cereal in the mornings. It's like a tiny whiiiiine.
The first time I ever ate with my in laws I was gobsmacked, they all sit elbows sticking out, knife and fork held like pens and then lean right down to the plates shovelling food in like the Simpsons. They also never put their cutlery down, I put mine down to have a drink and MIL asked if the food was OK as she thought I'd finished. If DH wants to pick something else up he transfers the fork to his other hand.
BIL never cuts anything, he will pick up a chicken breast with his fork and eat around it.

YANBU. Odd eating habits freak me out. Someone I knew involuntary opened their own mouth when spooning baby food into their baby's mouth. Sometimes mimicking the chewing too. It was unconsciously done but looked really moronic and made me feel squeamish.

Thank you all for your support, it is pretty hard to live with. But I think Tazer wins ....

I had forgotten about the "bringing his face to the food" thing. My exh did that it was like a hen eating seeds of the ground. Another good reason why he is exh.

If there is a sudden influx of patios in MN gardens we will know why

I'm Dyspraxic and tend to use my fork like your husband does. I actually find it easier that way when eating curry and rice. A lot of people use just a fork to eat and would use it like your Dh. So the fork holding is not bad manners

Oh, wait.....

Watch out for next weeks paper - 'spurred on by the approval of Mumsnetter @StaplesCorner, Tazerface has been found NOT GUILTY of the crime of murder. The deceased has been found guilty of being annoying af and tbh he got what he deserved'

My mums BF does this ... I want to stab him and regularly glare and would say something if my mum wasn't gesturing at me

This thread is making me want to find someone, anyone, and stab them with a fork

Stabby stab stab shutthefuckUP

I also eat really quickly and get up to make a drink or leave the room as I can hardly stand it. There are multiple dining etiquette infractions going on in my environment. I can't even describe them accurately.

• Tapping and scraping to get every last morsel of food off the plate/bowl as if we may never see another meal again.

• Transferring foods via the method of a knife buttering bread, but instead of butter and bread it is normal food like mashed potato, taken up with the knife and smeared/scraped onto the fork before transferring the food into the mouth! What really annoys me about this is that the serrated metal knife scrapes against the metal fork and to me it is like nails on a blackboard.

• Anything eaten with a spoon like a yoghurt, pudding, or dessert is eaten at such speed that the spoon clatters against the teeth and as soon as the spoon is in the mouth the mouth snaps shut around it at extremely high speed. This looks really annoying when repeated rapidly.

• Food is not cut with a sawing knife motion, instead it is kind of forcibly ripped apart via crossing the knife and fork and yanking them apart.

• The potato nearest the skin in a jacket potato is removed at speed via a series of many rapid scraping movements.

• When eating soup and bread, the elbow of the hand holding the bread is on the table and the buttered bread is held aloft at face height the entire time despite having a side plate for bread!

• Food on a main meal plate is eaten by constantly cutting, scraping, or dividing a bit off and then rearranging that food type so that it is in a certain shape such as a row/line/square/oblong. Chips/fries, for example, get lined up in a row. None of the food can just be eaten normally in any old fashion. It must be controlled and ordered.

My DH cuts up any large chunks of food such as meat into little squares then drowns it in the sauce / gravy, rather than cutting off a piece at a time like a normal person If it's a fairly dry meal, he drowns it in mayonnaise.

He looks down all the time while eating, so his face is horizontal with the plate & has started making a "hhaaooop" noise with an intake of breath to get the food into his mouth - he doesn't know he's doing it, apparently

Spaghetti is particularly awful as he "hhaaooop"s it in then bites off any excess & lets it fall back onto the plate.

I hold my fork like that when I'm getting beans on there. Or peas. Or rice. Or at any point in the meal where I need to get up last bits of food, using the knife to scoop it on the fork.

Is that why people don't clear their plates?! They aren't actually full, just think it's bad manners to scoop with a fork!!

*Tapping and scraping to get every last morsel of food off the plate/bowl as if we may never see another meal again

God I'd forgotten this one.

XBIL (XH's sister's husband) scrapescrapescrapes away at every serving dish, and when he finished doing that, uses his finger to wipe around the bowl/plate. The total of what he collects using both methods couldn't amount to more than an eighth of a teaspoonful, so why bloody bother?

The first time I observed him doing it I sort of gazed in fascinated fashion, then looked around the table to see if anyone was going to pull him up on it. They didn't- they were all watching him with fond indulgence.

After many years of seeing it I started making sarky comments. Not that it made a difference.

Tazerface: Like an angry camel chew. Superb simile:

Now I think of it, your username should form the wellsprings of action for you. :o

Please can you tell me how you get your kids to eat neatly so they don't grow up like the disgusting adults described on this thread?

My ds eats like his food is going to be removed. He eats so quickly and makes a lot of noise. Every meal time I tell him to close his mouth and slow down. He is 7. Drives me insane.

A dear friend of mine makes sex noises whilst eating. I lived with her for a few months and it was loud enough that I could hear her two rooms away. I have misophonia, especially around eating noises and it was a whole new one for me, I had to wear headphones most days at her meal times! I'd never noticed it until I moved in with her!

My mum is a disgusting eater, full on sucking her fingers, talking with her mouth full of food (then denying it!), putting too much into her mouth and their having to open her mouth in order to actually chew her food boak

DH always gets food around his mouth, if I dare point it out to him he gets offended. He always gets a massive orange ring around his lips and in the corners of his mouth when eating tomato based things too but doesn't see it