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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband moans whilst eating.

162 replies

CrapTonOfKids · 15/05/2017 21:36

I can't stand it! It's like this quiet, almost inaudible groan. A bit of a sex noise if I'm honest. I can't sit next to him at the dinner table because it makes me want to stab him with my fork. Speaking of which, he also holds his fork like a toddler, scooping with his fist facing downwards. I didn't pay much attention in the beginning of our relationship. Now I can't bear to watch him eat. His mother does it too. She gesticulates at the table with her cutlery in her hands! I caught one of our kids doing it, so being a responsible mother, I explained the importance of good table manners. It is important right? Please tell me I ANBU?

OP posts:
Pallisers · 16/05/2017 15:25

StapleCorner, your post is one of the most disturbing things I have read on MN. Every line a new revelation of horror culminating with the cooking oil!

dArtagnansCrumpet · 16/05/2017 15:36

I'm not alone! Dh does this, he also rams food in to the point I ask if he is hungry or something. He also sniffs randomly and takes a huge intake of breath before he puts a fork full in his mouth. He has the funny grip too and holds his fork in his right hand Hmm

MrsTrentReznor · 16/05/2017 16:05

I'm in slurpy, slack jawed hell most days. Sad
DP Chomps, slurps and snuffles his way through his meals with a clicking jaw. He also eats at the speed of light and sometimes licks the plate.
He can eat perfectly well in restaurants so WTF is that all about? Hmm
MIL Holds knife like a pen, eats and talks with mouth open and sucks the knife every 3rd mouthful or so. (Fuuuuuuuuuccckk!!!!)
DP's best mate holds the knife and fork in the wrong hands with the fork in his fist like that picture earlier. (Shudder)
And a guy at work makes sloppy eating noises with an open mouth. (Gag)
I need a bloody big patio.
I spend most of my time in torment.

AnnPerkins · 16/05/2017 16:17

Twenty-five years I've been married and DH's table manners still make me want to stab him with a fork.

I have told him how annoying his habits are. Many times. So he stops. And then he introduces new ones. The latest thing is this weird, flamboyant flourishing of his spoon or fork as he whips it from his mouth. Most mealtimes I can't look at him.

And poor DS. The tiniest transgression and I'm all over him. I take my duty to my future DIL very seriously. I wish MIL and FIL had 😡

LordBeefCurtain · 16/05/2017 16:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LordBeefCurtain · 16/05/2017 16:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 16/05/2017 16:22

I dumped immediately for bad table manners.

MetalMidget · 16/05/2017 16:53

My dad was very particular about table manners. We always had to eat at the table. We had to hold our cutlery correctly (which also had to be laid out correctly). We had to use the correct spoons for soup - I still feel funny not using soup spoons! We had to wait until everyone had their food before we started eating, and had to ask if we could leave the table once we'd finished.

My mom, on the other hand, will start scoffing her food as soon as she gets it, and eats like an absolute savage. Mouth open, talking with her mouth full, dropping it everywhere and occasionally just picking bits with her fingers (like roast potatoes...)

Tazerface · 16/05/2017 17:20

I WISH I could livestream this shit so you could all suffer! Have rudely gone on my phone lest I murder him!

BackInMyDay · 16/05/2017 17:21

- Tapping and scraping to get every last morsel of food off the plate/bowl as if we may never see another meal again.

My MIL does this! BASH BASH BASH on the plate. It's like she's angry at the plate.
We got plastic plates and use them when she has dinner here because I just can't stand the noise.

hazeydays14 · 16/05/2017 17:42

I'm currently sat on the sofa gritting my teeth because my 'FIL' is munching on crunchy crisp things and makes a gross groaning noise as he chomps with his mouth open and omg I want to throttle him. How do grown people have so few manners. AngryAngry

YANBU it's fucking awful 😂

AnyFucker · 16/05/2017 17:52

My Dh bites glasses. He actually bites the rim. He has ended up biting a piece of the edge before now. Why?

Original poster
CrapTonOfKids · 16/05/2017 18:57

I have left the dining table, plate half eaten, becaus my DH sat right next to me doing the sex/pleasurable bowel movement noises again. I'm upstairs reading all these responses and howling. There is a need here for a Support Club I'm sure....

OP posts:
happypoobum · 16/05/2017 19:08

staples What do people say when you are at their homes and DH empties the food intended for everyone onto his plate? Shock

OP - seriously I just could not stand this. Do you think he has got worse or has it only just started to annoy you?

Do you think he would stop if you constantly told him to stop as it was annoying you?

Zaphodsotherhead · 16/05/2017 19:17

My XH used to mash all the different sections of food (say, fish, potato, veg, sauce) into a gloopy mass and then fork that all up into his face. It was like watching someone feeding a baby. Even if I cooked a gourmet dinner, he'd say 'that looks nice', then mashmashmash scoop scoop scoop. So it was basically meat-flavoured brown.

He's an ex. Obviously. He was a general tit, but the food thing...urgh.

coldflange · 16/05/2017 19:28

I have found my people!

Another one here who can not stand bad table manners. I haven't quite got to the point of leaving a room due to noisy eaters but it's been close.

If I see someone in a restaurant shovelling, slurping, hoovering up their food I can be unable to tear away my eyes in grim fascination.

DH is quite well mannered. he does lick his knife periodically but he gets 'the look'. Our first proper date was a meal out - so I was able to suss him out early enough in the relationship.

My sister eats only with the fork in her right hand - the American way (she isn't American!). I have found myself correcting DNephew's table manners as she doesn't. I know it's rude of me, but I consider that I am helping him.

coldflange · 16/05/2017 19:29

oh DM has a clicky jaw. That's annoying, but I know she can't help it.

I don't sit right next to her at meals though.

Pallisers · 16/05/2017 19:31

*- Tapping and scraping to get every last morsel of food off the plate/bowl as if we may never see another meal again.

My MIL does this! BASH BASH BASH on the plate. It's like she's angry at the plate.*

God my MIL does this too. More like a careful, intense scraping around the plate to get every single last scrap. Sometimes I think I'd rather she licked it.

ouchmytoes · 16/05/2017 20:10

Oh God yes.

DH has a clicky jaw which pops delightfully when he eats. When he's anxious or distracted he sort of hums when he's chewing. I hate it. He gets a swift kick.

Worse his family were Grade A plate scrapers and silent eaters. Mealtimes were excruciating, with just the banging of spoons against bowls and chomping for accompaniment.

We're no longer in touch with them.

Jaaaaaaam · 16/05/2017 21:51

My dad does the lip-smacking and chomping and my mum.speaks with her mouth full. I used to take my dinner up to my room and now don't visit them for dinner any more. I'm convinced they caused my misophonia. One BIL is barred from eating at our house because he smacks his lips, chomps with his mouth open AND fucking moans and breathes heavily. For months I used to leave the room but decided enough was enough. An ex used to do the moan as well. Eurrrrgghh.

Sciurus83 · 16/05/2017 22:23

I have found my people. I CANNOT tolerate noisy eating. One colleague drinks water like a horse, the other chews on apples mouth open. It instills a violent rage. I could never date anyone with bad table manners, luckily DH is a good eater. Though when he does make a noise he allows me to express the rage, he understands my horror. He also replies to my texts when office mates are eating apples. I love that man.

Wando1986 · 16/05/2017 22:25

Bad table manners are enough to make me vomit. Also to flip the table as I leave. In my head it's as disgusting to eat badly as it would be to fart or pick your nose during dinner. I've left restaurants before because of people on the next table across. Makes me want to heave!

blackheartsgirl · 16/05/2017 22:46

My dp used to do the open mouth whilst spooning baby food into baby thing. It's so funny to watch and he had no idea he was doing it but bloody hell he did look a prat.

These days he just slurps and sucks at his food..He has no teeth, won't wear falsies and it drives me nuts. He also refuses to eat with a knife just a fork and shoves the food onto his fork with his fingers and then noisily lick his fingers. Argghhhhh

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 16/05/2017 23:20

I had to finish with someone when they licked their knife when we were eating in a very nice restaurant

I liked him but that really put me off

they say love is blind Wink

IloveBanff · 16/05/2017 23:27

"These days he just slurps and sucks at his food..He has no teeth, won't wear falsies and it drives me nuts. He also refuses to eat with a knife just a fork and shoves the food onto his fork with his fingers and then noisily lick his fingers. Argghhhhh"

Angry How is he still alive? I don't understand how you can bear it.