MIL watering down my fairy liquid

[Whack]

The thread title sounds trivial and I know it is but it's driving me nuts. DH and I have recently celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary and this has been ongoing throughout married life.

MIL is on her own, and only really has us. She is a 20 minute bus ride away and will come to our house approx 4 times a week to see DH who WFH. (This annoys me as if he's working she should let him work IMO. He's too soft to tell her he is busy as if he does she flounces off telling him he's rude.)

She means well but IMO has an issue with boundaries. Her issue is, she doesn't have any boundaries. She likes to "help" although I've never asked for any of the help. DH however does appreciate it and for the sake of peace I have stopped making a fuss about her coming to our house when I'm at work and cleaning. It's tricky because I appreciate some elements of it but the boundaries are non existent, eg. Folding my knickers in my knicker drawer, leaving little items for us she thinks will be useful (but I just see as clutter) etc. Some things like hoovering and cooking are appreciated so for the most part I bite my tongue although I wish she would ask me first instead of doing it all the time.

She is quite sensitive to any kind of confrontation/ questioning and would be deeply aggrieved if I said this and/ or just ignore me and carry on. Also DH is wonderful in many ways but very over protective of his mother and thinks I'm being mean if I criticise her over any of this.

One thing in particular I want to put a stop to is she always waters down our fairy liquid. So the first few days worth of squirts are normal and then one at you turn up the bottle and go to squirt some in the sink and it pours out like water. It's so annoying! Also I resent that she does it in my home! It's a small thing but it's bloody maddening.

How can I stop this in a sensitive way? I don't want to upset her and I sometimes think I should put up with it as anyone will think it's really petty, but I don't like watery washing up liquid!

There was the Mnetter who left partially completed immigration forms for Australia in her knicker drawer.......

OK apart from the knicker folding incursions it sounds fucking awesome. Comes round a cooks and cleans for you? Comes to see your DH when he's working so you don't have to spend your precious weekends and time off doing what she wants?

I'd totally put up with fairy liquid frugal interventions.

Put an embarrassing and graphic sex book in your knicker drawer.

Fling opened condoms over your clothes.

Yeah, why not be fucking horrible to her. She's only a mil. Mils famously have no feelings.

Dress your dh up in full bondage gear inc gimp mask then leave a Polaroid of it in your drawer. Or set up your bedroom like a porn film setting and leave a video camera recording, that way you'll get to see her reaction and whether she continues folding your knickers - evidence!

"Frankly, I'd be banning her from your house with that level of intrusion"

You'd ban your husband's mother and your children's grandmother from the house because ^she put your clean washing away"? Riiiiiight. A level of up tightness previously unrecorded............

My dad - who does sweet FA cleaning and tidying at home despite being retired and being SO BUSY SO VERY BUSY YOU DON"T KNOW THE HALF OF IT, insert knowing chuckle here (he's busy interfering in other family members' lives instead of doing some bloody washing with my mum) - ahem. I'll start that sentence again.

My dad, who does nothing housekeepery at home even though he's retired, moves fucking everything in my house when he visits. He 'makes it more organised' and 'optimises workflow' and 'moved all the bottles to the outside of the shower so that moisture wouldn't build up against the wall'.

HE'S RIGHT HANDED. I AM LEFT HANDED. Our kitchen is set up so that my DH (also a rightie) and I don't murder each other and is as not perfct for either of us but bascially ambidextrous.

The last straw was the bath thing. I can't see well, at all, and it's even worse with no glasses on, so I need all the shower unguents to be in exactly the right fucking place so I don't immac my head and condition my foof by accident. He put them on the outside of the bath "so they don't cause mould". You had to step over them to get into the bath.

Anyway, this was an extremely long winded way of sayng that after that last bathroom straw I went ballistic, stomping out of the bathroom half nekkid and telling him outright that he couldn't come back ever again if he was going to move things. There were some Words, but he hasn't touched anything since.

He still makes helpful suggestions, though.

She isn't putting washing away Bert. She's going in the drawer to fold the knickers that are already in there.

It's not right. Some things are off-limits, and other people's knicker drawers are definitely one of them.

It's just weird and overbearing to think that a grown woman can't decide for herself whether she wants to keep her pants in alphabetical order or not.

We all know you love MILs... but this one really is above and beyond.

Put your knickers in the fairy liquid and cancel the cheque.

I have a MIL with boundary issues too (she doesn't have any ), fortunately my knicker drawer is safe as she can't manage the stairs.

I would leave a bottle of Fairy for her (and the real one in the cupboard)

The first time I met XPILs was on a three week holiday to the country they lived in. All was going...not well, exactly, but ok (apart from a humungous argument about Princess Diana, of all things) until she took it upon herself to remove my (used) knickers from the corner of my suitcase where I'd 'hidden' them until I could wash them myself.

They included my period pants. And she took them, washed them, ironed them, folded them and left them on the bed.

I have never been more mortified in my life. And furious. There was a long, hissed argument with then DFiance, where he tried to 'reason' with me by saying she was a woman herself, she'd know what used knickers would look like etc etc and how ungrateful was I, eh?

I padlocked my suitcase after that.

They never fucked with my washing up liquid but when they moved back here, they planted begonias in my flowerbed without even mentioning it to me. XH, of course, could see nothing wrong with this and no amount of spluttering on my part would change his mind.

So I stomped out to the garden, dug them all up and replanted them in a dark corner behind the shed. When they asked where they were, I dead-eyed them and said I'd prefer to choose my own flowers, thankyouverymuch.

I fucking hate begonias.

Is there the done thing here to leave applications to emigrate in the location they shouldn't be looking and wait until they just burst?

Not sure how she could fold your knickers and put them in your knicker drawer without going in your knicker drawer. Iso she a magician? Sounds like a nosy, ill-boundaried nightmare to me.

At least I've never had to worry about my MIL wading in and cleaning my stuff. DH is more likely to pick up a cloth and wipe something when he visits her.

Ex MIL would have if she could have, mind. She liked to iron knickers because they looked better in the drawer.

I couldn't bear that level of intrusion. It's not helpful at all.

Mouse trap in your knicker drawer (don't forget when you need a pair) and special MIL labelled runny fairy liquid bottle and hand it to her when she arrives saying you've kept it for her sole use as you know she likes it runny and you like it just as it is so are keeping her special fairy separate

they planted begonias in my flower bed without even mentioning it to me

This does make me laugh however it's possible they thought it was a nice surprise for you? And as for the mil in this thread - she comes 4 days a week while op's at work to visit her son and do the chores, then presumably leaves before the op returns home to a lovely sparkling clean house?
The downside is a bit of watery fairy liquid, cordial in the fridge and clean, folded undies?

PM me and il send you my address Op, I could do with one of those!

If she is folding all of your and Dhs clothes and putting them away she is just being helpful and ignoring the fact that knickers cover bums so are not to be touched by another person.
If she is ONLY folding your knickers and putting them away or folding already stowed knickers then I would take saucy photos of DH and put them neatly in the knicker drawer. She will never go there again. Promise.
She may be so traumatised that she doesn't do all of the other nice things she does now which might lead to your having to put yourself out to go to visit her but thems the breaks.

Yeah, why not be fucking horrible to her. She's only a mil. Mils famously have no feelings.

She clearly cares not a jot for the OP's feelings since she has been asked to stop interfering with her underwear but continues to do it.

Change the locks
I would be tempted to secretly film her poking about your home and see what she really gets up to
My Grandmother use to come over while we were out and rearranging the furniture read the bills I don't know how my mother kept from going nuts

It's control, her way of saying that she is in charge.
You need to tell dh this isn't acceptable. It is your home, not mil and she has no right to make improvements without permission. You are refusing permission, your dh needs to respect this and tell his mother to stop.
If you want to be pa then you could turn up at her home unannounced and rearrange her cupboards and drawers. Cutlery draws can cause consternation.

Planting stuff in your garden . I would seriously kill someone who planted something random in my beloved garden. I've gone all shaky just thinking about it.

Don't play games or be passive aggressive.

The only way to stop this is to be a big girl and take her key back.

It's your home. If she can't stay out your knicker draw or stop herself from wandering around her sons empty house - then you take the key back.

Yes it will cause upset - but she will eventually get over it.

Otherwise you can have a life time of her sorting through your gussets

It's almost a "I know it will upset her, but oh well I'll do it my way anyway" kind of attitude. My MIL is similar OP, she brings me bleach.

It's almost a "I know it will upset her, but oh well I'll do it my way anyway" kind of attitude. My MIL is similar OP, she brings me bleach.