MIL watering down my fairy liquid

[Whack]

The thread title sounds trivial and I know it is but it's driving me nuts. DH and I have recently celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary and this has been ongoing throughout married life.

MIL is on her own, and only really has us. She is a 20 minute bus ride away and will come to our house approx 4 times a week to see DH who WFH. (This annoys me as if he's working she should let him work IMO. He's too soft to tell her he is busy as if he does she flounces off telling him he's rude.)

She means well but IMO has an issue with boundaries. Her issue is, she doesn't have any boundaries. She likes to "help" although I've never asked for any of the help. DH however does appreciate it and for the sake of peace I have stopped making a fuss about her coming to our house when I'm at work and cleaning. It's tricky because I appreciate some elements of it but the boundaries are non existent, eg. Folding my knickers in my knicker drawer, leaving little items for us she thinks will be useful (but I just see as clutter) etc. Some things like hoovering and cooking are appreciated so for the most part I bite my tongue although I wish she would ask me first instead of doing it all the time.

She is quite sensitive to any kind of confrontation/ questioning and would be deeply aggrieved if I said this and/ or just ignore me and carry on. Also DH is wonderful in many ways but very over protective of his mother and thinks I'm being mean if I criticise her over any of this.

One thing in particular I want to put a stop to is she always waters down our fairy liquid. So the first few days worth of squirts are normal and then one at you turn up the bottle and go to squirt some in the sink and it pours out like water. It's so annoying! Also I resent that she does it in my home! It's a small thing but it's bloody maddening.

How can I stop this in a sensitive way? I don't want to upset her and I sometimes think I should put up with it as anyone will think it's really petty, but I don't like watery washing up liquid!

You did, presumably, notice that I said the OP should tell her not to water down the Fairy Liquid and to put clean washing on the bed rather than in the drawers?

And you presumably didn't see or ignored that MIL pretends she hasn't touched the drawers and OP HAS asked about the fairy liquid before.

"Out of interest, if the dh concerned actually likes having his mother visiting and pottering round, does the dil have the right to insist that he doesn't allow it any more?"

The DIL doesn't have the right to forbid her MIL visiting...but she does have every right to expect her MIL to respect her personal privacy whilst visiting FFS.

Anyone else that BertrandRussell is gleefully looking forward to furtling through her future DIL's personal effects [shudders]

She folds your knickers? Next time you're at hers, rearrange her underwear drawer then announce how helpful you've been.

Bertrand you didnt, presumably, notice the MANY times on this thread the OP has said they've asked, and the two times you yourself have specifically been told? Ive included them below for you, happy to help.

"Bertrand she folds the knickers already in her drawer, and denys it when asked not to."

"Bertrand - she's been asked not to do it. "

She'd have a mare if she looked in my knicker drawer, it's all just shoved in, nothing's folded, just a mass of underwear really.
Hey ho.

Well, I don't see putting someone's washing away is weird

Bertrand, even if that were what OP's MiL is doing here (which it isn't), don't you think it's weird to carry on putting it away when you've been asked not to? And to lie about it?

Ceto - I think that's often the crux of the issue - the MIL (or whoever it is that's overstepping!) doesn't think something is overstepping boundaries, and do not believe their DIL/family members therefore have a right to object to it, because if they don't believe it's a problem, then it's not an issue that could be legitimately seen as a problem.

It doesn't matter if putting away your DIL's washing in her house is weird or not (although I would say taking it upon yourself to sort out the washing of another ablebodied adult in their home who hasn't asked you to is a weird thing to do), all that matters is that the MIL has been asked not to, but still insists that she will continue to do it and then get annoyed that her DIL isn't being grateful for the 'help'.

It could be sorting laundry, or doing the washing up, or taking the bins out, or tidying up papers - she's not only not been asked to help, but actively told not to do it, and still does it.

She cant be trusted to just potter about. The DH needs to deal with his mother.

Do you ever go round her house? Perhaps you could water down her milk and put her knickers away in the cutlery drawer.

I agree that if the husband has time on his hands to entertain his mother (after all she wouldn't be coming round if he weren't there) then he could go to her house and chat to her for a bit so she's pottering around in her own house. If he worked in an office she wouldn't suddenly turn up and clean the office just because that's where he's working. he can always take his computer round to his mum's.
He really needs to encourage her to get a life though and stop obsessing over housework, her own or anyone else's.

I am quite naive on strange sexual stuff. Is it a thing? Would some posters be happy with fils going through son in law underwear and vice versa. Is is sexist? It's OK for a woman to have her undies rummaged by another woman who choses to do so against her consent? But wouldn't we be highly suspicious if op was male complaining of fil going through his undies? Some have said they don't mind under wear, does this mean they will take charge of any future dils drawers and or if these posters husbands go through future son in laws pants, they will I assume defend their husbands as innocents who want to help.

Bertrand serious question.... If you have have dh and you have a dd who may get married one day, if your dh starts to take it upon himself to get involved with his son in laws under wear draw what would you think? If you noticed your son in law was very polite but clearly didn't like it, are you going to ignore him and stand by your husband s right to get us to his neck in his son in law's budgie smugglers?

Bertrand serious question.... If you have have dh and you have a dd who may get married one day, if your dh starts to take it upon himself to get involved with his son in laws under wear draw what would you think? If you noticed your son in law was very polite but clearly didn't like it, are you going to ignore him and stand by your husband s right to get us to his neck in his son in law's budgie smugglers?

One issue with super gluing the top on the bottle is you don't need to unscrew the bottle to add water. Just run a tap, hold bottle under the tap and squeeze and release

Haven't yet RTFT but all I'm taking from this is that people fold knickers. Who knew?!

Oliversmumsarmy - One issue with super gluing the top on the bottle is you don't need to unscrew the bottle to add water. Just run a tap, hold bottle under the tap and squeeze and release

Oh shit, yes!

I'm just sitting thinking how many threads i read on here where posters are having trouble with in laws, neighbors ect. and i think - how in the name of goodness did it get to this point?

I'm territorial and aggressive on the inside, but i hate confrontation. First time a MIL of mine turned up while i was out and did stuff around the house i'd be and i'd ask DH to straight away ask her nicely not to do it again. If it kept on regardless i'd be fucking livid enough to throw away the social niceties and i'd be telling her myself and kicking up a right fuss.

We've established that you share your home with DH but you have the right to privacy and autonomy over your own belongings in your own space - so for goodness sake OP, tell your DH that if he can't control his mother's actions while she's there and you're out then she's not to come round. Sulks or not!

I have what I fondly hope is a good relationship with my married son, and one of the most important aspects of that relationship is that he is not afraid to tell me if he is unhappy with anything I've done or said. It wouldn't be much of a family if he was afraid to speak honestly to his own mother. To be fair, I do try not to give him cause to. Not because I'm afraid of him but because it is common courtesy. I brought him up to be independent and he is. I go round to their place, when invited, to be thoroughly spoiled, not to encroach upon their housekeeping arrangements. I have enough tidying in my own house not being done...

Oh, and if DIL came to visit and decided to help with my laundry without being asked, lazy so-and-so though I am, I would not welcome that intrusion (and I don't even own any racy underwear). But she never would. She's lovely.

I used to steal vodka out of my parents drinks cabinet and top the bottle up with water.
Is that the same thing

and one of the most important aspects of that relationship is that he is not afraid to tell me if he is unhappy with anything I've done or said. It wouldn't be much of a family if he was afraid to speak honestly to his own mother.

Yes totally agree so many DM dont have that with their sons though.

How did the supergluing go OP?

I clean once a week for my DD, but do know my boundries. For goodness sake just tell her again what is off limits but firmly.

I think some mils see their sons house as like their old childhood bedroom

My mil was the same & so we just stopped inviting her over. She did really annoying things like i had a bunch of flowers in the sink I'd bought for a friend. She came round & helpfully cut & arranged them in a vase