MIL watering down my fairy liquid

[Whack]

The thread title sounds trivial and I know it is but it's driving me nuts. DH and I have recently celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary and this has been ongoing throughout married life.

MIL is on her own, and only really has us. She is a 20 minute bus ride away and will come to our house approx 4 times a week to see DH who WFH. (This annoys me as if he's working she should let him work IMO. He's too soft to tell her he is busy as if he does she flounces off telling him he's rude.)

She means well but IMO has an issue with boundaries. Her issue is, she doesn't have any boundaries. She likes to "help" although I've never asked for any of the help. DH however does appreciate it and for the sake of peace I have stopped making a fuss about her coming to our house when I'm at work and cleaning. It's tricky because I appreciate some elements of it but the boundaries are non existent, eg. Folding my knickers in my knicker drawer, leaving little items for us she thinks will be useful (but I just see as clutter) etc. Some things like hoovering and cooking are appreciated so for the most part I bite my tongue although I wish she would ask me first instead of doing it all the time.

She is quite sensitive to any kind of confrontation/ questioning and would be deeply aggrieved if I said this and/ or just ignore me and carry on. Also DH is wonderful in many ways but very over protective of his mother and thinks I'm being mean if I criticise her over any of this.

One thing in particular I want to put a stop to is she always waters down our fairy liquid. So the first few days worth of squirts are normal and then one at you turn up the bottle and go to squirt some in the sink and it pours out like water. It's so annoying! Also I resent that she does it in my home! It's a small thing but it's bloody maddening.

How can I stop this in a sensitive way? I don't want to upset her and I sometimes think I should put up with it as anyone will think it's really petty, but I don't like watery washing up liquid!

If you can live with everything else, then just put a second bottle somewhere for yourself.

However, there's just no way I could tolerate the rest of it. I'd tell DH that either he stops her coming around to 'help' OR he goes to live with her (it's probably what she wants) and I'd mean it.

Oh dear lord, my very own mother is like that.

Which is the reasons that my DB has almost gone NC with her, and I only get on with her as well as I do because I live a couple thousand miles away from her.

IMO this inability to recognise normal social boundaries, subjecting others to claustrophobic closeness, not accepting normal social clues etc are all part of an anxiety/control problem. Anxious people feel the need to impose control on every aspect of, say, a beloved child's life for fear that they might 'leave' them. Which is what drives them away. Which confirms the worst fear, so the behaviour gets worse.

Can you speak openly with your DH about this? You need to come up with a Plan that you both stick to, consistently. And HE as her DS needs to communicate this to her and then back you up every time she oversteps the agreed boundaries.

Good luck.
I left the country....

My MIL is the invasive type too. The last time she stayed here, I resorted to hiding my worn underwear in a secret cupboard to stop the washing and folding, because even when I'd told her not to do the washing I still came home to clean folded pants.

She also always rearranges my kitchen cupboards so that things are stored how she thinks they should be.

And cordial in the fridge - yep. Together with the butter.

I swill the container out with water at the very end of fairy liquid/hand soap/shampoo to get the last bits out

Would never water down a new bottle though! I fear I'd leave a passive aggressive note or go the "oh god not another faulty bottle! Well, best bin it..." route

My MIL waters down fairy liquid - why would you do it ???

My mum does it too, also with thick bleach, apparently it's because it is twice as thick as cheap stuff so you need to water it down to save money. I did suggest she just used smaller squirts but apparently that's going too far.

I buy super cheap washing up liquid to leave on the side, the good stuff is kept on the top shelf of my cupboard, behind something else because mum is short and can't see up there.

Whack and BeeThirtythree ..... Remember all those cookies from the websites you visit? They track you and companies who advertise with google can choose to allow their ads to appear anywhere, so if you have recently searched for something or visited a website - BOOM, you are now 'tracked' and ads will follow you around the internet. Once a month have a clear out of cookies on your computer (do a search to find out how to do that) and you won't be tracked as much - just get random ads which won't be as 'targeted'. But you will need to keep repeating this cleansing otherwise the cookies build up again.

What does she SAY when you ask about it?

Lock for bedroom door. All laundry in bedroom (clean or dirty).

Or divorce? Although I may put up with a lot for 4-times-weekly hoovering...

Can she have a list of things that are OK, and some that aren't? 3 strikes and you're banned, sort of thing?

Mind you, my gran was like this. And she was lovely, so...

You don't have a Fairy Liquid problem, you have a DH problem. FFS put a stop to it all.

god my old boss when i was a teenager washing pots used to make us do this. open a new bottle and pour half into the old one, then water both down. drove me mad. it lasts forever anyway and its about 0.5p a squirt.

I have a helpful FIL who sounds similar to your MIL. He visited tonight and we had to hide various objects (tools etc not the fairy). We try to have some suitable jobs waiting for him, even if it's "we're running really low on...umm...milk".

It might help to have a list of jobs on the fridge that you need to do (and that don't involve underwear), and mention to your MIL that this is your list for the week, oh how will you ever do it all etc. Then massive thanks when she does help in an appropriate way. It can be win-win but it takes a bit of work when they don't listen.

seriously though, this sounds like a joke but could you put a sex toy, some lube, packet of condoms - all or some - in your drawer, or one in each. she'd probably be mortified but you would know it was a plant. my colleague at work admitted the other week that she is stopping doing her 21yo dd's room (tidying/hoovering etc) as she went under her bed to sort out a storage box she thought looked messy/overflowing and found an assortment of sex toys. she was mortified.

Why is she even in your bedroom?!

This whole thing would drive me bananas, she obviously sees it as an extension of her own home. I would actually prefer a MIL screaming abuse at me than rearranging my stuff and going in cupboards.

Pottering is only allowed in your own home!!!!

Overtime she watered down the fairy I'd take the bottle away and that would be her birthday present a massive bin bag of crappy watered down washing up liquid.

It doesn't even make it last longer, cos you end up squirting more than you need.

Or crappy watered down stuff on the side and nice thick fairy in the fridge.

And hide the fairy too, sorry to veer off topic

ps i now realise that post sounds a bit weird but my work is very open lolol

My MIL rearranges my kitchen whenever she visits as i obviously am incapable of deciding where the pans should be stored. She also 'helped' us move house and unpacked all of my clothes, yep all of the them, and the 'toys' that were in the same boxes. The shame 😱. I tend to ignore her though as we don't see her often and she can be a complete bitch if crossed. I smile and secretly look forward to the day I don't have to see her again (which probably makes me as horrible as her)!

You need the Mumsnet go-to here: print off some paperwork on emigrating to a far-flung country and put it in your knicker drawer.

Fairenuff
She goes in your knicker drawer and you're worried about fairy liquid?

This!!

Superglue on the bottle, lock on the door

Just say out loud (when she is around) "oh no! Another faulty bottle of watery fairy! I'll have to throw it away again, so annoying"

If you haven't mentioned it to her before - do this ^ With your most innocent and perplexed expression.

It'll drive her crazy, and she'll never do it again!

What the fuck? Your mil is folding your knickers in the drawer and you're worried about the washing up liquid?

My mil has some boundary issues, but even she wouldn't do this.

Frankly, I'd be banning her from your house with that level of intrusion.

Do you have a patio with easily removable slabs? 😉😜😂😳😎

I agree, it's not a Fairy or knicker problem, it's a boundary problem - your DH's boundary problem.

Why is she in your bedroom?!!

I'd put a lock on the door-that is a huge invasion of privacy!

Leave a vibrator on top of knickers or, better still, a cock ring. If she says anything suggest DH needs some 'help'.

She's not "going in your knicker drawer". She's putting your washing away.