to be really sick of ASD being trotted out as an excuse?

[faithinthesound]

This is not a TAAT. It's a thread about something I've seen in MANY threads. It seems like in every single thread about someone behaving badly, before too long there is at least someone who comes along all "well, maybe they have ASD".

1. ASD is NOT an excuse for bad behavior. In my experience (and I am on the spectrum myself, so I do have grounds to make this observation) most people with ASD try HARDER to fit in with social conventions, because we are painfully aware of our shortcomings. We don't always succeed, but in my experience it's pretty rare to find a blithely rude person with ASD.

1. Given my status as a person who is actually diagnosed as being on the spectrum, by a team of medical professionals (as opposed to a group of armchair psychiatrists), it is actually incredibly offensive to have this facet of my identity trotted out every time someone wants/needs to explain away bad behavior.

People with ASD are not always rude.
Rude people are not always on the spectrum. Sometimes, they are just rude, self centered, selfish, careless, don't-give-a-tossish, etc.

I have been told to "calm down" when pointing this out before. I would like to reiterate that I am completely calm, for all I am offended and annoyed with this trend. Having said that, I'm fairly certain that if I WERE angry, it would be totally justified.

It's obviously not as clear-cut as "ASD excuses rudeness", but equally, some forms or manifestations of ASD DO excuse or mitigate what those without that specific condition perceive to be rudeness. It is difficult (though not always impossible) to be the judge of that.

My 4 year old has ASD. He gets easily frustrated and shouts/hits out (never at school though. Just with us in public or at home). To outsiders this is him displaying bad behaviour.. Actually it's just a "symptom" of his ASD. That is a fact, not an excuse. .

YANBU. I think it's a case of a little bit of knowledge being a dangerous thing. Too many people throw terms like ASD around as an explanation for someone who doesn't fit their idea of "normal" without having any idea of what it is really all about. Many conditions have been turned into buzz word terms which undermine the reality for those who are genuinely affected.

My 15 yr old has (what was) Aspergers.

He has never been given any slack by me to get away with bad behaviour - he has the same rules as the others.

He is now 15. He's a delight

OP has ASD and therefore is the spokesperson of everyone with ASD.

I agree though. Some people are just rude and self centred. It doesn't always mean they have ASD.

juicy I don't think OP is having a go at anyone who has ASD or their parents. To me it read like she's sick of anyone saying "person X did Y thing" and posters jumping in saying "oh they probably have ASD" when the person saying it has never met person X and has no way of diagnosing them except what was posted by one other person about a specific thing.

Don't get me wrong - sometimes it IS ASD, but you know your child. I'm talking about the people who read a thread on the internet, and, never having met the person being discussed, decide that it's ASD. There's a world of difference between "I'm sorry my child did that, he has ASD" and "oh, this person I've never met did something rude? Must have ASD". It's the latter that offends me.

Sometimes people with asd can come across as rude without realising though. My ds certainly could when he was younger just by stating facts that people didn't necessarily want to hear.
People who do that MAY do it because they have asd or they may just be being rude on purpose. I see no harm with people considering both as possibilities.

Yanbu op. I hear you.

Cross posted with harderandharder2breathe. Thank you, that was exactly my point, and I'm very sorry if it read otherwise.

Sometimes they do show signs of ASD though and it's worth pointing out.

I don't think people are diagnosing rather than saying it's a possibility.

It's obviously not as clear-cut as "ASD excuses rudeness", but equally, some forms or manifestations of ASD DO excuse or mitigate what those without that specific condition perceive to be rudeness

I would agree with this, I used to know someone who with hindsight was very probably on the spectrum and was very blunt in his way of speaking to the point of rudeness sometimes but with no malice intended. I've learnt a lot from MN about autism, I didn't know enough about it at that time to recognise it (he also showed other signs such as stimming) but I would hopefully recognise it now and see why the behaviour was there.

But just because you don't have problems that others do doesn't mean you can undermine the fact that some people with autism do struggle in a way which means they demonstrate behaviour that isn't "socially acceptable"

The thing is people with autism are all different so they can't all be judged on the experiences of one person.

YANBU but I think people will continue to fixate on your thread title and not hear what you're actually saying, so be prepared for a lot of angst in this thread.

Sorry x-posted. Obviously people saying others must have asd are being u but in your op you talked about people saying things might be a sign of asd.

omg someone call The Mail as OP has just stumbled across the fact that some people can be rude, self centered, selfish, careless, don't-give-a-tossish, etc

harder Oh. Sorry OP.
I agree it is irritating when people automatically assume the person who is being badly behaved has ASD, without knowing anything about that person. Some people are just badly behaved and that is it. No diagnoses needed.

*diagnosis

Having ASD doesn't excuse bad behaviour but it does mean that it needs to be dealt with in a different way.
I may look like I'm letting DS1 get away with screaming and shouting at me but I know from years of experience with him that he needs to be ignored and left to completely calm down before I discuss his behaviour with him. He still gets consequences and made to apologies etc but i know that if I force the issue while he's worked out it just escalates and everyone gets worked up.

I get your point OP. I feel like I've read a lot of threads where someone's husband is behaving / communicating terribly and then someone pipes up with 'maybe he's autistic'. Ditto 'have you considered that he may be depressed?' We should be generous about people's conditions but we should also recognise that sometimes people are being twats.

Asd is the reason for a lot of my son's behaviour, some of which may be seen by others as bad behaviour or not sociably acceptable.

Exactly what nelliefivebellies said. Brilliantly put.

Issue 1: thread started complaining about partner (invariably a man) behaving like a selfish knob. Several suggestions "is he on the spectrum?". No, he's a selfish knob.

Issue 2: ASD is a reason for ASD-behaviours. Some of which may be seen as 'bad' or 'rude' behaviour (especially, obviously, if the observer doesn't realise someone's diagnosis). Anyone who gives it a second's considered intelligent thought realises this is a reason and wouldn't say it's an excuse.