to be really sick of ASD being trotted out as an excuse?

[faithinthesound]

This is not a TAAT. It's a thread about something I've seen in MANY threads. It seems like in every single thread about someone behaving badly, before too long there is at least someone who comes along all "well, maybe they have ASD".

1. ASD is NOT an excuse for bad behavior. In my experience (and I am on the spectrum myself, so I do have grounds to make this observation) most people with ASD try HARDER to fit in with social conventions, because we are painfully aware of our shortcomings. We don't always succeed, but in my experience it's pretty rare to find a blithely rude person with ASD.

1. Given my status as a person who is actually diagnosed as being on the spectrum, by a team of medical professionals (as opposed to a group of armchair psychiatrists), it is actually incredibly offensive to have this facet of my identity trotted out every time someone wants/needs to explain away bad behavior.

People with ASD are not always rude.
Rude people are not always on the spectrum. Sometimes, they are just rude, self centered, selfish, careless, don't-give-a-tossish, etc.

I have been told to "calm down" when pointing this out before. I would like to reiterate that I am completely calm, for all I am offended and annoyed with this trend. Having said that, I'm fairly certain that if I WERE angry, it would be totally justified.

Agreed. I'm autistic and I spent my childhood being hyper-compliant.

TheRealPoo
Understandably I've not put the full picture of Timmy on. That would be wrong.

I have loads of sympathy for people in your situation. We've put things in place in quite a few schools I've worked in for people who haven't been diagnosed but home are saying 'this is what we're struggling with, can you give us some help'.

Equally, it's worth being mindful that there are people out there who are after an excuse.
Just last week I had a phone call with a parent who thinks their (NT) child shouldn't have a detention for their behaviour because they think he's a good child and he didn't do it, well Miss Maisy he did do it but he shouldn't be sanctioned. It was his friends fault. And then it was the class teachers fault. So I want to know what you are going to do about his class teacher and if I'm not happy I'll report you to the head.
That kind of situation. They didn't go for the SEND route, but you hear it more often than you'd like (and it annoys me because it assumes that children with send are naughty)

You'd be surprised how many colleagues have had a sudden increase in parent led ADHD diagnosis in the last month now fidget spinners are out.

Any parent who wants their child diagnosed with a disability so they can take a toy to school must have mh problems. This can't be common surely?

Maisypops

'It's also evident in the armchair psychologists who talk about their child having ADHD, PDA and ASD without any official diagnosis other than stuff they've read online. Equally true for 'unofficial diagnosis'.
If a child is in the process of being assessed then say that. Don't claim they have an unofficial diagnosis. It doesn't exist.'

Perhaps I have read you wrong here, but you seem to be mocking me for previous postings. Totally unnecessary as you don't know me and I wasn't rude to anyone. I don't post every specific detail and development concerning my son, as HELLO this is a public forum?Am I the only one here who is careful of what they post?NO.

Spiteful and unnecessarily argumentative

P.s armchair psychologist?ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!!!! Try 'the mother trying to help her fucking son'

Also not everyone on mumsnet lives in the UK..there IS such a phrase here as 'unofficial working diagnosis of autism'

Oh I hear you! Two threads today alone I've seen it.

Now don't get me wrong lashing out etc can be part of ASD for some. But it's rediculous people read and assume any child etc doing it to an extreme is ASD. Sometimes kids will push boundaries and have struggles, that alone isn't reason enough to suggest ASD.

Tbh there are a lot of MN folk diagnosing others. There's a lot of talk on narcasistic personality disorder, PDA and mood disorders.

Cheers Dixie

TooGood2BeFalse
Absolutely wasn't mocking you at all so not at all being 'spiteful' or argumentative.

It's a general comment that I think there is a big difference between going through the process of diagnosis (working diagnosis), having a diagnosis and people claiming their child has a condition without any medical input by claiming they've unofficially got a condition.

I have seen the latter. And I find that clarity can be easier (not giving all information but being clear about level of knowledge/expert input). E.g. my colleagues and I have had a lot of children suddenly "having unofficial ADHD" since fight spinners became a craze and there's been a rise in people claiming that they need them to concentrate. That sort of thing is really unhelpful when there are parents of children with ADHD having to fight through the system and time is being taken up by lots of new referrals based on 'my child says it helps him concentrate'.

Tbh there are a lot of MN folk diagnosing others. There's a lot of talk on narcasistic personality disorder, PDA and mood disorders.
I've said that before on other threads and been shouted down. People can't just be dickheads anymore.

I think people in general should be much more careful before applying labels and diagnosis to things without having appropriate medical expertise/expert opinion.

TheRealPooTroll
In my experience the ADHD thing linked to those toys tends to be:

1. My child says they think they help them concentrate
2. You should allow them because they're easily distracted and it helps. We've always thought they might have ADHD
3. We state school policy but are happy to open a referral but still no to the bloody toys.
4. Parents actually realise what the process entails (as you see from loads of people on here who've gone through it - it's a rough ride and really tough) and the all falls quiet and we don't hear again from it

Aka. It's useful to throw ADHD around and write notes 'allowing' the toy but when we realise that actually it's a serious process were actually not interested.
I get irritated because I just think it's time that we could have spent helping other kids.

Ok maisypops I apologise sincerely for assuming you were and for jumping down your throat.

Sorry I thought because you said 'an increase in parent led ADHD diagnosis' that the children were being diagnosed not just that parents were suggesting it.

No TheRealPooTroll as in "it's convenient for me to diagnose my own child with it and try to get them permission to use a stupid toy so I'll write notes saying 'dear miss/sir, Charlie/Daniel/Marie etc has a fidget spinners. I give my permission for them to use it as they require it to help them concentrate' and you call up saying 'school rules say no so I've confiscated it' and you get the reply 'but it helps them learn and we've always thought they might have ADHD so they really should have it if it helps'.

but when I realise it's not just a wave a wand and they get the toy suddenly I'm the ridiculous nature of what I'm suggesting is hits home"
[Bangs head on wall]

TooGood2BeFalse No bother. These threads get quite heated for people.

I find sometimes I watch too many parents misuse diagnosis and argue the toss in a way that's awful that I get quite frustrated when I see limited resources being directed away from kids who really need it and parents who are struggling with the system.
The kind of 'he must have ASD/PDA/ADHD' annoys me just like when people start diagnosing personality disorders on MN instead of saying people can be dickheads.

Thanks maisypops Appreciate it.

Likewise in a similar vein, I've also seen parents like me that used 'he/she's just being bit silly/naughty/spoilt/energetic/too much TV' etc. to deny there are any deeper issues such as SN.

Let's just face it..it is a complicated, painful and frustrating thing to try and understand little children. They are so complex, and so much more sensitive then we realise.

I don’t know. Maybe I’m the asshole. But I know several autistic children. One is very rude and aggressive. When he visits, I have to tell him not to swear, or be rude or hurt people in my house. I enforce these boundaries by following him around, listening to the conversations he has with my children; and asking him in a very straight way to stop when he oversteps. It’s hard going but these are our friends; and important to us in many ways. There’s another kid who visits us, who is less aggressive but who ignores me when I ask my child&him to switch their games off, and do something else. I’m quietly shocked at how he ignores me, long after my own kid has switched off his device. I always give plenty of warning and time to finish the game etc. I know this kid is autistic, at least that’s what the parents tell
me. So I will
literally keep asking until the game is off. I find it all very unnecessary. My question is, if they can switch off 30
mins after i asked then they could have switched off after 10
minutes? And, If they can stop
being violent or swearing after I’ve asked 10 times; then they could have stopped after they 3rd time. No? I feel that if a dad asks them, they are more compliant. In some ways I wonder if they just have little respect for a mum, because that’s how the family dynamics work in their homes.

@Glosmum1975 You d ragged up an 8 upwards old thread to tell everyone you know nothing about autism?

I think she says what everyone has always thought, regardless of timeline. Stop making excuses and sort your child's behaviour out!
Teachers are done with it.