WIBU to tell my parents to grow the fuck up?

[Emboo19]

Really need to rant, so I don't say something I regret!!

Posted about my parents and housing issue before.
Basically I own the house, my parents live there and have done rent free since I was a child.

I've recently moved out, with my boyfriend and our dd.
My parents are supposed to be now paying rent, significantly less than the going rate. And they haven't even managed one month!

My grandparents are sorting it and paying me and my parents are paying them. So I'm not missing out financially, but I'm then having to take money from my retired grandparents, knowing they aren't getting it back.

I know what they earn and they can afford what they're supposed to be paying, in fact my grandfather was only asking them for half for the first 6 months while they get used to it.
When I found out they hadn't paid I spoke to my mum and she was full of excuses, car needed mot, dad needed to do his self assessment tax and then they'd pay it back........

That's annoying enough, then today they come for Sunday lunch and they've booked not one, but two holidays!
And my father, actually had the cheek to say, we could do with more space as my boyfriends music stuff was in the living room.
They live in my four bedroom house

I love my parents and we get on really well. They're great with dd and everything. I just feel so furious with them right now and want to tell them it's time they grow up and start taking responsibility for themselves.

I still think you're mean. You'll regret this when your parents are dead

No OP will regret this when she can't provide things for her own children, because she's having to pay for a home when she already owns one.

It occurs to me also OP (apologies if anyone has mentioned this already - to incensed by some of the spiteful comments to keep my oar out!) That when you are finished uni, in three years, your DD will be old enough for your parents to manipulate emotionally ("Granny and Grandad can never see you again because your Mammy is putting them onto the street with nowhere to live and they will probably freeze to death in a shop doorway or on a park bench.") Okay - not as forthright as that, but they will be able to manipulate and poison your relationship with her - don't give them that chance.

Calculate what they owe you for the rent. Then subtract everything they spent on raising your ungrateful ass, food, clothes, holidays, toys etc. Then see who's in credit or debit.

You sound very mature, kind and sensible op, ignore the negative comments here.

One solution might be to rent out your house, I'm assuming as a four bed the rent would be a lot higher than the nominal rent you are trying to get now? Then use half of the money to subsidise your parents rent on a small flat for a finite number of years, say three, to keep them on side and get them out without conflict (you shouldn't have to do this but sometimes relationships are more important than money). You would probably recieve the same amount of rent left over from them as you do now.

@harshbuttrue1980 OP owes her parents nothing. Money they spent on her as a child does not become a debt she owes as an adult. Get a grip.

harsh they've been living there rent free the entire time they were bringing OP up.

How is it ungrateful to say I can't subsidise your living expenses anymore? We encourage our young adults that still live at home to pay at least living expenses but when it's the other way round the child is expected to just put up and shut up forevermore? Coz you know her parents might not even be forty yet?!

OP, what about maintenance on the your property? If something needs to be fixed or replaced, do they use the excuse that it is your house and you need to pay for it?

If this was their house that they had inherited then OP moving out and paying rent/mortgage would be the normal course of things and totally unremarkable, even with a DD, indeed would normally be expected to pay them rent if she stayed there. OP is only facing the financial realities most people face when they fly the nest (as long as she is not on the hook for any bills or maintenance or contribution to them). I think this is where the jealousy of some PP who have called OP entitled comes from.

On the other hand going to uni the parents would be expected to contribute to living costs and the student loan would be calculated accordingly. So there is a little swings and roundabouts there and they would normally be giving her some financial support at this point

But it is not their house, they didnt have to pay the mortgage on it like my parents and many others, they saved a lot of money in rent (though i suspect they fell into the trap of thinking of it as theirs) and if they are as irresponsible as they are painted here they will be reliant on OP for maintenance.

At the end of the day OP you should not be providing free housing for them as one day the house will need something, eg expensive roof repairs, boiler replacement, new kitchen and it will be up to you to pay for it because the house is yours and not their responsibility to maintain - but you will not be able to live in it and benefit from the mortgage/rent free living costs because it it theirs - and at that point if you cannot get them to pay for it, whatever it is then you are burdened with their living as well as your own and that would not happen if this was a house your parents had paid for or inherited themselves. The PP calling you entitled do not take into account the obligations this places on you. It is those obligations that will cause conflict and that is what you want to free yourself of so that you can live your own life instead of being responsible to them.

I haven't RTFT so may well have missed something, but I suspect my view will be quite unpopular anyway.

You've been left something that most people work their whole lives to get. It's a very lucky position to start out in. In your position there's absolutely no way I'd be expecting rent from my parents for continuing to live in the house they brought me up in after I'd moved out. Especially as you're still using at least a portion of the house for storage. Your parents are obviously struggling to get their heads around a very odd situation...essentially being in a position where they're having to answer to and are beholden to their barely grown child. And you're looking at what is a quite complicated situation in a very simplistic and perhaps immature way..."but it's mine". If I were in your shoes, I'd let my parents live out their days in that house providing I was always welcome, and see it as the family home. Unless of course you end up in a poor financial position and have to sell.

Get a solicitor for legal advice and get an agreement formally sorted. Your priority should be you and your children not your parents. They are old enough to sort themselves out. I'd think about getting it managed by somebody else to put distance between you and them regarding business (rent) matters. They're taking the piss and if they complain they only have themselves to blame.

@harshbuttrue can't wait for my kids to turn 18 then. They'll owe me £££ for Nerf guns, uneaten dinners, swimming lessons, football subs... kerching! Didn't realise kids were a saving scheme with a dividend.

The parents did inherit (cash). The GGPs left OP the house to ensure she had ongoing security. If they had left parents the house and GGD the cash in trust, I presumed they would have had valid concerns that the house would have been mortgaged out and money spent leaving GGD vulnerable as a child.

The current situation demonstrates that the GGPs made a wise choice. It is sad that parents still haven't learned to cut their cloth according to means having gone through their own inheritance. You don't spend on holidays when you can't cover your basic living costs. They could have invested in another property and rented it out during your childhood. They chose immediate gratification rather than long-term (adult) planning.

Please don't start assuming long-term responsibility for your parents OP. Think of this three year period as their time to start adjusting and taking on the usual stuff that adults do. They aren't old!

But, you may need to demonstrate 'tough love' now for their own good and that of your own child(ren). It's a bit of a role reversal; they are being selfish because they have been allowed to be. They never learned to take up parental responsibilities, and if you aren't very careful this scenario will carry on for the rest of your lives.

Like others, I can't believe the number of green eyed monsters on here. It's laughable really.

If you parents are late 30's now and lived rent free since you were v young, it sounds like they have NEVER had to pay for housing in their lives. And they still have their parents paying for things.

Everyone needs to stop enabling them.

Anyone commenting on here, really should read the whole thread. The parents are only in their early 40's and squandered their own inheritance that they received from the same source. They are currently being asked to pay a mere £250 a month for a four bedroom house.
They have never considered their own daughter's best financial interests- if they had, they would have rented the house out from the beginning when op was little at a full market rent, and provided a separate family home for her and them like most other parents do when they have children. Op's fortune would be much greater (probably double) if they had done this, and they wouldn't now be in a position where they are sponging off her now.
OP is still under 21, at university, has a young dd and is living in a house her boyfriend has a mortgage on. Of course she needs the £250 from the heavily subsidised rent that her parents should pay her!
It's good that there is a tenancy agreement, and I would hope that you could legally evict them when or if you decide you need to. I do wonder if you need to become responsible for any maintenance costs in the meantime though, and how this would affect the tenancy. Do make sure the gas safety checks are done annually etc the same as for any other tenant.Hopefully the grandfather, who seems to have held it all together for the op, has sought legal advice about this difficult situation.
I feel for the op, as it must be very difficult for her to love and hold respect for them, when they are so childlike themselves and act so entitled and selfishly.
Good luck with your studies op, and ignore the haters on here. Distance yourself from your parents financially as soon as you can, and do not get a granny flat! They don't need it, and this will tie you to supporting them forever. You're young and you need the freedom to live your life without having your parents in tow at least til they're very old and doddery

I don't think it's fair at all to label everyone with a different view as jealous neither fair nor accurate actually given the OP's inheritance has lead to her having a family dynamic nobody could pay me to adopt and a situation that will be very uncomfortable to deal with. Most people here who disagree with the OP are actually far less focused on money than the OP herself is.

There is reading the whole thread, and then there is adding in loads of extra stuff on your own.

""I think you should just thank your lucky stars you got a free house with no mortgage""

In effect the OP has been left nothing of benefit, whilst she has no financial benefit from it.

When applying for Student Finance, benefits (if she became disabled for example) she would be penalised for owing the property.

The parents have saved at least 70k by living in the house, they should have made provision for the day that their DD turned 18. They have done nothing to plan for their DDs future, they have nothing but what they earn,even though they also have had life handed tothemon a plate.

They are less than 20 years older than their DD.

So on their death in their 80's the OP will be in her 60's, her DD in her 40's, once again the only person who may benefit is the OPs grandchild.

That is madness, when the Parents have had their share of family money. They should be ashamed of themselves.

OP, I would make it clear that things are going to change when you turn 21 and get tough, then.

Your Parents are a disgrace that they don't want to make your life (and their Grandchild's) as easy as possible.

What grandchild? What are you talking about, in their 80's?

OP is selling the house next year, of course she has been left something of value a four bedroomed house!!

Are you reading the right thread?

"" Most people here who disagree with the OP are actually far less focused on money than the OP herself is.""

I think that any 21 year old (I have two under that age) has quite valid concerns about how the UK and the World is changing and need to be more financially savvy than her Parents generation were.

It's her Parents who've had a free house,they are only in their 40's. I'molder than them and getting a Mortgage, for the first time as a single person. I've inherited a lot less than they have, but i'm using it to house myself.

Such a difficult situation for you OP, money causes so many issues whether there is not enough or plenty. I am angry on your behalf, I had never seen such selfishness until recently and I am shocked that there are so many selfish parents in the world. We have had similar issues over family and inheritance, DP has come into an inheritance as his DM passed away last year and his dad, her ex, and his side of the family have been like vultures ever since. We bought them a house, sorted out debts and now they expect us to pay for holidays too, despite the fact we have a baby dd to provide for and haven't bought our own place yet and won't be taking extravagant holidays ourselves. DP finds it impossible to say no, and I suppose you feel the same guilt over familial obligation. But at the end of the day you have to think about whether you want to help these selfish people who couldn't care less about you or their granddaughters security and would rather piss money they owe to you away on crap, and are happy for their elderly parents and daughter to pay the price for their utterly revolting selfishness. In our situation I would cut them out completely if I could, but not my family so not my choice to make but my blood boils every time we hear from them as there is always a request for more money or dodging paying back money that was given as a loan. You are 19 now if I remember correctly, so 2 more years at university? If you can live without the rent for that long I would write it off and be ready to evict them and sell the house the moment you can, explain to them that rather than paying you rent over the next two years they can use what they would be paying to save for their own place when the house sells. If they don't bother, which from the sound of it they won't, leave them to it and tough tits if they end up in a bad situation. It isn't your job to look after your feckless parents, your DC is your priority now and the money they are stealing would go a long way to covering childcare or school fees. You have to start saying no, or you will be supporting them forever and your grandparents won't be around forever to shoulder some of the costs, it will end up being extremely expensive and could be at the cost of your DC or any future DC.

And to all the posters being dicks, I'm sure the OP would rather have her GGM than the inheritance, it isn't a lottery win and it isn't unfair to her parents and doesn't matter that she hasn't earned the money herself it was a gift and it is hers to use to make her life as good as it can be. I'm sure you'd all turn down a life changing gift because you hadn't earned it And if you think it is cruel to her parents you obviously have families that wouldn't try to take advantage of you so you should think yourselves lucky. Jealousy is a nasty trait to have and clearly clouds your judgement.

I hope it works out for you OP whatever you decide to do, you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and a supportive partner, the world is at your feet, don't let you parents ruin it for you.

I feel for the op, as it must be very difficult for her to love and hold respect for them, when they are so childlike themselves and act so entitled and selfishly.

I would be over the moon to know that my DDs had a house waiting for them, and although grateful to have lived in it, as soon as I possibly could I would move out to let them have the benefit of it. Sometimes I think I am going mad on here when I see people's attitude to their own kids.

Then subtract everything they spent on raising your ungrateful ass, food, clothes, holidays, toys etc

Quite right Harsh - because our children are nothing but cuckoos that force themselves into our lives and choose to be born to us whether we want them or not! It's not OUR fault that we have babies, is it? What should we suffer for them?

YANBU to worry about how they'll transition when you sell the house. I know it's turned out your mum was a bit shit with money but I can't help feel a bit sorry for her and your great grandma making the decision not to leave the house to her cause she's shit with money as she can't have been older than late teens/early 20s when your great grandma died? I certainly wouldn't want anyone making decisions about how good I am with money based on how I was at that age

They got their share in cash.

If this thread was the other way about, the OP and partner living in her parents house and not paying rent when asked to, she'd be getting absolutely roasted.

Sorry I'm not sure who said it, but yes it's the fact that they just don't act like parents!! Just once it would be nice for them to be the grown up ones.

I love them and I know they love me. They won't stay there or object if I choose to sell or say anything to my dd or stop spending time with her or anything. They just don't think long term, it's always yes it's ok will do this and this......but no thought as to how!!

I realise I'm very fortunate and it's given me a head start. I'm also due to my upbringing very cautious of being in a vulnerable position financially and I want to ensure my own dd is provided for too!