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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to tell my parents to grow the fuck up?

201 replies

Emboo19 · 14/05/2017 20:39

Really need to rant, so I don't say something I regret!!

Posted about my parents and housing issue before.
Basically I own the house, my parents live there and have done rent free since I was a child.

I've recently moved out, with my boyfriend and our dd.
My parents are supposed to be now paying rent, significantly less than the going rate. And they haven't even managed one month!

My grandparents are sorting it and paying me and my parents are paying them. So I'm not missing out financially, but I'm then having to take money from my retired grandparents, knowing they aren't getting it back.

I know what they earn and they can afford what they're supposed to be paying, in fact my grandfather was only asking them for half for the first 6 months while they get used to it.
When I found out they hadn't paid I spoke to my mum and she was full of excuses, car needed mot, dad needed to do his self assessment tax and then they'd pay it back........

That's annoying enough, then today they come for Sunday lunch and they've booked not one, but two holidays!
And my father, actually had the cheek to say, we could do with more space as my boyfriends music stuff was in the living room.
They live in my four bedroom house Angry

I love my parents and we get on really well. They're great with dd and everything. I just feel so furious with them right now and want to tell them it's time they grow up and start taking responsibility for themselves.

OP posts:
ChasedByBees · 14/05/2017 22:05

I agree with everyone here - it sounds like you're quite young (under 21) so it must be difficult to be firm with your parents. However, they obviously have no intention of paying you or moving out. You have to make plans with them being resistant to whatever you want to do. Note that most parents would have their children's best interests at heart. They don't.

GoodDayToYou · 14/05/2017 22:08

I would write a list of all of your options and then find out as much as you can about them all.

For example, you could sign up with a lettings agency and get them to collect the rent.

Or, maybe you could sell the house to your parents?

noitsnotme · 14/05/2017 22:09

I've got a mortgage of my own, so I'll comment on how irresponsible they are. Very!

She has her own DC to provide for now, and their gc. Her parents have already benefitted greatly from her inheritance and their own!

1981trouble · 14/05/2017 22:09

OP, do you have a tenancy agreement for the house?

If not, you need to get one sorted asap (and make sure you follow all of the rules about deposits and tax declarations and insurance etc). This will put you in a much better situation to ensure your parents actually stick to their side of the agreement and gives you options to force eviction when you want to sell.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 14/05/2017 22:21

actually before going down the formal tenancy route, please get legal advice! Get as much info about your trust fund, how the house/money was left to you, then go see a solicitor about it.

Once your parents become your legal tenants, they have rights as well as responsibilities, I don't know enough about tenant rights to advise you, but just 30 mins/an hour with a solicitor might well save you a lot of hassle.

Even if you decide not to evict them, knowing where you stand will help greatly.

Your parents are unlikely to actually leave the house volunterily unless someone provides them with another house. Sooner or later you will need to force them out if that's not going to be happening. (ie if your grandparents were to give them a house/flat outright)

Original poster
Emboo19 · 14/05/2017 22:27

Thanks for the input Bodicea as someone else pointed out, it was my great grandma. So missed two generations, only if didn't as my grandparents, uncle, mum and myself all inherited. I did always think I'd got my mums share, but my grandad told me that wasn't the case, my mum got her share, just not in property.
I don't have a mortgage no, but my boyfriends managed at 24 to get one and previously he was paying only £50 a month less towards rent in a shared house as what my parents are supposed to be paying for a 4 bedroom house.

I think right now my biggest issue is, do I tell them it's not on? I think if I start I'll end up saying things I'd regret and my boyfriends saying to just leave it and we'll deal with it when I need to sell.
But I seriously had to bite my tongue today at lunch and if my bf's mum hadn't been there I don't think I'd have managed it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Emboo19 · 14/05/2017 22:30

The tenancy and legal stuff is all taken care of and I have been through it all with a solicitor.

OP posts:
InvisibleKittenAttack · 14/05/2017 22:34

You need to tell them.

You need to point out to them that it's not their house.

Ask them if they think this is working for them, as it's not working for you to feel you have to chase them for your money while listening to them talk about holidays they are booking with the money that should be paying your mortgage.

Make it clear that if they can't be tenants, then you'll have to rent the house to someone else or sell it.

They clearly don't see that it's yours, not theirs. Is it that they think the grandparents are the only ones who want them to pay rent and you don't care?

CheeseQueen · 14/05/2017 22:38

I'm confused. You're taking money off your grandparents at the same time moaning that your parents are living rent free?! Confused Although I accept I may have this wrong.

Gingernaut · 14/05/2017 22:42

@CheeseQueen.

The parents are so feckless that the grandparents are paying the rent on their behalf.

The OP isn't just charging her parents rent and receiving random payments from the GPs.

VladmirsPoutine · 14/05/2017 22:42

Crikey! Did everyone in your family have dc whilst in their teens?

NeedsAsockamnesty · 14/05/2017 22:46

cheese her parents are taking money off her grandparents and using it to cover the rent they are meant to pay the op because the op owns the house her parents live in and the grandparents manage her trust.

Fuck me why the hell are people even trying to find fault with the op when she's already being generious enough with her house

ChasedByBees · 14/05/2017 22:46

You do need to tell them. Even if stuff you feel you might regret comes out too, because right now they are seriously taking advantage and it'll be worse to move them out the longer you leave it. They'll feel more and more comfortable that it is their home without you and if you don't say anything, from their perspective, you're fine with that.

user1491572121 · 14/05/2017 22:48

OP get a rental agent onboard. Just do it....don't tell your grandparents till' it's signed and sealed.

Your parents will HAVE to pay the rent then AND they will know it as they will have a tenancy agreement.

yoursforthetalking · 14/05/2017 22:50

I'm confused how can it have been rent free since you were a child? You can't have owned it that long, surely?
If you have and its inherited I think it's a pity they didn't get it themselves, then you wouldn't be able to nag them about paying you for family property.
You sound entitled and a bit mean to me. They are your parents. Not everyone has parents. Be nice to them.

yoursforthetalking · 14/05/2017 22:52

Sorry I thought I had RTWT but I missed the last page. So you did inherit it. I still think you're mean. You'll regret this when your parents are dead.

yoursforthetalking · 14/05/2017 22:54

And you're not even 21 and you have a trust fund and a house and you begrudge your parents having a couple of holidays and want every penny of the rent off them. Ugh.

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/05/2017 22:54

The OP inherited as a baby.

The reason it was left to her was because her G Grandmother didnt trust the OPs mother to look after it and use the inheritance wisely for the the good of the whole family. For a good reason it seems, given that they have always known that the OP will take control of her property one day and they have made absolutely no provision for that day. Or indeed simply used the lack of rent/mortgage payments to build up some savings. They could have enough in the bank to buy their own home outright if they had done that over the last 20 years.

And what has other people not having parents got to do with anything? You only have to read the stately homes thread to see that not all parents are equal.

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/05/2017 22:56

You'll regret this when your parents are dead.

Lovely! Perhaps the regret should come from the people who have had a free ride so far and made no provision for the day its over.

The OP doesnt manage the estate, her grandfather does and it was him who decided that the parents should be paying rent. She wont be in charge of her estate until she is 21, so save your anger for her grandfather, not her.

Hissy · 14/05/2017 22:57

Instruct the solicitor to serve them notice whenever is the earliest opportunity

This will not end well, whatever you do, but at least get them to take responsibility for their own lives and stop them impacting the lives of your grandparents

Whoever left you the house did so knowing that your parents would not be responsible enough to ensure you had a roof over your head.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 14/05/2017 22:58

Even if this house is in a horrible horrible place she's only asking for £250 a month for a 4 bed!

Iggii · 14/05/2017 22:59

To own a house outright, and have more money coming your way when you turn 21, means the OP is in a financial position that most could only dream about. Sort things out re the house but I wouldn't shed any tears about what you are missing out on, you've had such a financial kick start in life.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 14/05/2017 22:59

My grandparents still have control over my inheritance until I'm 21. So I can't tell them to butt out or anything.

We have a tendency agreement and all that, but my parents have to pay my grandparents. At the moment we don't need the money, so it's spilt 50% between my savings account and one for my dd.

Just me and my mum Vladmires my grandparents were a nice sensible early 30's and my uncle doesn't have any!

OP posts:
noitsnotme · 14/05/2017 22:59

Yours how do you suggest she lives? She's at uni and has dc and does not have control of her trust fund.

Oldraver · 14/05/2017 23:01

I suggest you RTFT again Yours..the OP is not being mean

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