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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to tell my parents to grow the fuck up?

201 replies

Emboo19 · 14/05/2017 20:39

Really need to rant, so I don't say something I regret!!

Posted about my parents and housing issue before.
Basically I own the house, my parents live there and have done rent free since I was a child.

I've recently moved out, with my boyfriend and our dd.
My parents are supposed to be now paying rent, significantly less than the going rate. And they haven't even managed one month!

My grandparents are sorting it and paying me and my parents are paying them. So I'm not missing out financially, but I'm then having to take money from my retired grandparents, knowing they aren't getting it back.

I know what they earn and they can afford what they're supposed to be paying, in fact my grandfather was only asking them for half for the first 6 months while they get used to it.
When I found out they hadn't paid I spoke to my mum and she was full of excuses, car needed mot, dad needed to do his self assessment tax and then they'd pay it back........

That's annoying enough, then today they come for Sunday lunch and they've booked not one, but two holidays!
And my father, actually had the cheek to say, we could do with more space as my boyfriends music stuff was in the living room.
They live in my four bedroom house Angry

I love my parents and we get on really well. They're great with dd and everything. I just feel so furious with them right now and want to tell them it's time they grow up and start taking responsibility for themselves.

OP posts:
OliviaBenson · 14/05/2017 21:21

I remember your previous thread.

Sorry but you need to get tough on them, they are being enabled by you and your grandparents. You should sell the house or move back in and evict them.

notangelinajolie · 14/05/2017 21:21

I think you are very lucky to have been given a house by your grandparents. Is that not enough for you? Am i right in thinking you are now taking money from them for a house that they gave you?

Your parents are living there for free and yout don't like it so the only thing you can do is sell it.

FrancisCrawford · 14/05/2017 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WayfaringStranger · 14/05/2017 21:22

YANBU and I remember your previous thread. I thought they were entitled then and I think they are even worse now. You owe it to your child to ensure her future is kept secure. I can see that your great grandma was totally right about your parents - they are totally irresponsible with money. I'm sorry though, it's hard and I know you are fairly young, working hard and doing the best by your little one.

Inertia · 14/05/2017 21:23

I think that selling the house, on the basis that you need the money to buy a house for your own family, is the only way to move forward here. As far as your parents are concerned,it's their house.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 14/05/2017 21:24

My grandparents still mange my inheritance Wando as some of its in trust until I'm 21. But can be used if they approve, so for uni etc!
It's all pretty complicated and I'm still getting to grips with it all really.

It's not the money, if I thought they'd use the next 3 years to save for somewhere to move, I wouldn't care if they didn't pay It's the lack of any sense of being an actual grown up!

OP posts:
Squishedstrawberry4 · 14/05/2017 21:24

Maybe they felt they should have inherited the house, not you? It's a bit weird they didn't split the inheritance so everyone got some. It is what it is though. And if your parents had any common sense they would have bought a buy to let 20 years ago in order to soften the blow

Bodicea · 14/05/2017 21:25

Seriously you have been given a house. Your parents skipped inheriting it and it was given straight to you. Personally I think you are an ungrateful brat expecting rent off. your parents. You did not earn that house. You do not deserve any rent money. You should consider yourself lucky you have a house with no mortgage. I can't believe the attitude you have to your own parents. Why can't you see it as it is theirs for now and you will get it in good time!!!
Most people have a mortgage and aren't handed a house as a child!!!!

InvisibleKittenAttack · 14/05/2017 21:29

Are your parents still working? If so, you need to not wait until you finish uni but get them out now when they have a better chance of sorting out a rental, or even buying their own home. Are they in their 40s still? If so, they definately have the time to buy and pay off a mortgage before retirement, however the longer you leave it, the less options they will have and they will never make the change if they aren't forced to

I also think you ned to stop relying on your grandparents but to get your own independent legal advice.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 14/05/2017 21:29

My boyfriends bought the house we are living in, so we aren't renting. He's paying a mortgage though.

It wasn't my grandparents who gave me the house, it was my great grandma.
My grandparents won't be better off if I evict my parents as they will likely end up paying for them to rent somewhere else, and that will be more than they pay me! That's my grandads thinking behind it.

OP posts:
PaulDacresFeministConscience · 14/05/2017 21:29

notangelinajolie OP's house comes with running and maintenance costs - and her parents pay nothing towards this. OP also now has a baby of her own and her own living costs to worry about. She's posted about this before and the fact that selling the house could make a huge and meaningful difference to being able to house her and her DD and provide a financial cushion for them.

Her parents have been living completely rent free for years and have been told on numerous occasions that they would have to start to pay rent and eventually move out because the house would be sold. So instead of being snarky with the OP, how's about wondering why the hell two grown and fully functional adults are not getting off their arses after all this time. OP has her own baby now to worry about.

PaulDacresFeministConscience · 14/05/2017 21:33

Emboo - tough love time lovey. If your GP decide that they're going to keep funding your parents then that's up to them. We worked out on the last thread how much money your parents had saved - and IIRC it was in excess of £150,000 and more than sufficient for them to have sorted themselves out by now.

You know that your DPs are feckless and flighty. They indulge their hobbies instead of working and expect everyone around them to subsidise them. Stop it now - otherwise this is going to go on forever and it will completely poison your relationship with them, because you'll get more and more pissed off that you and your BF are working to pay a mortgage and keep a roof over your baby's head, whilst your DPs are living the life of riley in your fully paid-up property where all your equity is tied up.

StaplesCorner · 14/05/2017 21:33

Where are all the people who normally jump on posters saying they are sorry they didn't get a share of an inheritance?!

19lottie82 · 14/05/2017 21:35

I think you need to get some legal advice in terms of your and your parents rights when you want to sell it.

Im pretty sure (tho not 100%) that if they have been in the house a very long time then it's not as simple as "sending them notice" and telling them to get out, if they don't want to move.

Speak to a lawyer.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 14/05/2017 21:38

My mum did get an inheritance Bodicea and it got spent! Rather a sizeable inheritance I do believe too.

As I've said it's not that money! Its the fact they see nothing wrong in not paying rent, but booking two holidays. This is supposed to be getting them used to paying rent and managing their money better, so when the house sells it's not such a shock. They agreed to it!
All they have to pay is £250! They both work, and are only young late 30's early 40's

OP posts:
ijustwannadance · 14/05/2017 21:40

Just sell it quicker.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 14/05/2017 21:42

Bodicea - the OPs parents were given a free house on the understanding they would have to move out when their DC grew up. They accepted it, lived in it, and yet despite not having to pay rent or mortgage, made no provision for when they would lose their free house.

My parents know someone like this - she was a teacher in posh boarding schools across the world, and always lived in so didn't have any housing costs, but then also never bought her own property and made no provision for saving for a property through her long teaching career because she was housed 'for free' and didnt need to buy a house. She's so angry that she's having to pay rent out of her pension rather than being like those who can spend it all because they've been "lucky" enough to have paid off their mortgage. The idea she could have saved enough to buy a house out right/get a BTL that would have paid off the mortgage for her etc seems insane.

If the OPs parents are still in their late 40s/early 50s, they actually have time to sort out a mortgage. They could have saved for 20 years and be able if not buy outright, at least buy with a 50%+ deposit.

They have just spent their money and not thought about the future, even though they knew they didn't own the house and would have no right to live there once their DD grew up.

They clearly have planned on just living in that house for the rest of their lives and haven't considered their DD might want to sell it so she can buy her own house.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 14/05/2017 21:45

oh just seen your parents are in late 30s/early 40s!

Definately evicit. They can easily get a 20+ year mortgage. If they have had a large inheritance they have already spent then it's not your job to give them a free house.

It is insane you and your DP are paying a mortgage so that your parents can live for free !

Evict your parents. Either sell the house and use the money to clear the mortgage, or move in to your house and rent out your DPs to cover the mortgage.

WayfaringStranger · 14/05/2017 21:46

Of course Emboo's parents got an inheritance. They got the money - as stated - but they also got to live in a home rent free for at least 18 years. That's worth a huge amount of money even if they didn't own the home at the end of it. From what I recall, they are still very young, in their early 40s? They're hardly poor old people.

Siwdmae · 14/05/2017 21:47

I think you should insist on them paying and cut your gps out of the equation so they can't keep covering for your parents.

Bodicea · 14/05/2017 21:54

Personally I don't think inheritance should skip generations but there you go.
Maybe the op should get a mortgage of her own before she comments on how irresponsible her parents are.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 14/05/2017 21:56

OP, insisting on them paying won't work. They don't feel they have to, because it's you.

Get legal advice, you do need to get them out.

At late 30s/early 40s, your parents are my age, they arent old and unable to support themselves, but the longer you leave it, the harder it will be for them to turn their lives around.

happypoobum · 14/05/2017 21:58

Sell it now - I remember your previous thread. You need to take charge of this situation.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 14/05/2017 22:01

Bodicea - the OP and her DP have a mortgage! She said up thread they are living in the house he bought before they got together, but it's mortgaged. She's living in a house she's having to pay a mortgage on in order for her parents to live mortgage and rent free, and her parents had a big inheritance from the same great grandparent, but didn't invest that in property.

And this is an inheritance from a great grandma - if it wasn't skipping a generation, the money and house would have gone to the OP's grandparents, not her parents.

They have been very lucky, they got a house rent/mortgage free for 18 years. They got another lump sum they spent. They then have taken further money from their parents.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 14/05/2017 22:04

oh and OP - you need to learn you can't keep doing the same thing and hoping people will react differently.

Your parents will never take responsibility for themselves unless they are forced to.

Stop expecting them to act like someone else. They are who they are.

Get independent legal advice and start eviction proceedings.

They'll never leave that house unless they have to. When you make them leave, it'll be hideous and painful, if you do it now or in 3 years time, it'll be the same.