WIBU to tell my parents to grow the fuck up?

[Emboo19]

Really need to rant, so I don't say something I regret!!

Posted about my parents and housing issue before.
Basically I own the house, my parents live there and have done rent free since I was a child.

I've recently moved out, with my boyfriend and our dd.
My parents are supposed to be now paying rent, significantly less than the going rate. And they haven't even managed one month!

My grandparents are sorting it and paying me and my parents are paying them. So I'm not missing out financially, but I'm then having to take money from my retired grandparents, knowing they aren't getting it back.

I know what they earn and they can afford what they're supposed to be paying, in fact my grandfather was only asking them for half for the first 6 months while they get used to it.
When I found out they hadn't paid I spoke to my mum and she was full of excuses, car needed mot, dad needed to do his self assessment tax and then they'd pay it back........

That's annoying enough, then today they come for Sunday lunch and they've booked not one, but two holidays!
And my father, actually had the cheek to say, we could do with more space as my boyfriends music stuff was in the living room.
They live in my four bedroom house

I love my parents and we get on really well. They're great with dd and everything. I just feel so furious with them right now and want to tell them it's time they grow up and start taking responsibility for themselves.

"At the moment we don't need the money" - OP says she doesn't need it to live on.

Christ almighty are some posters not reading the OP?

Perhaps OP should give her inheritance to her parents so they can piss it away, just like they did with their own inheritance? At least then OP wouldn't be thought entitled for wanting to enjoy her inheritance. The parents can live rent free in OP's house and spend all their earnings on holidays whilst OP works to pay a mortgage on another house whilst bringing up her baby.

For those of you who say inheritance shouldn't skip generations , it was the grandma's money to choose who she gives it to ! It's very grabby to say it should go to the next in line . The grandma wanted it to go to her granddaughter and gave it to her ! My mum has skipped me in her will and giving it all to my dc .. her money , her choice!!

Hi OP i've read your thread and previous thread, and you are very mature with a good head on your shoulders. Whilst it is a difficult situation, i feel that tough love is going to have to be the solution. I know it's your parents, and they have obviously brought you up well for you to have turned out as you are but you are now a mum also and have to do whats best for your family. As PP have said, your parents are not going to pay when they don't think they have to.

Did you find out if owning your property outright affects your unit tuition fees/grants/benefits you are entitled to ? If so let them know that by not selling and them not paying rent is having an impact on you financially. There will be a time when your GP's aren't going to be there and they are going to have to stand on their own 2 feet, better to do that now when they are in a position to help themselves e.g. to get their own mortgage.

yoursforthetaking op has already said, her mum got her share of inheritance, have squandered the money and have no savings. i think its a bit more that grudging them a couple of holidays but rather she wants them to grow up and take some responsibility for their future.

And I'll say it again!! It's not the money, I really don't care about that. I want them to get used to paying their own way, so I'm not still worrying about them in 10 years time. I don't begrudge them holidays or nice things, but I feel as adults they should be able to budget and make sure their bills are paid first.

My grandparents won't let me and my dd be the ones to lose out. All they will do next time is tell me my parents paid. So refusing their money will do no good.

We don't need it at the moment, although we aren't having as many holidays as my parents either. But we might need it when we start paying childcare.

Iggi yes, I see that OP has written that after I posted. However, she plans to use the rent money for her own savings and savings for her dc, so I don't see that as her being greedy as others have implied, and still think her parents have benefited from her inheritance long enough. It's time they stood on their own two feet and she benefits from her inheritance as she sees fit. Just as they did with theirs. I'm surprised she's as level headed about money considering the example they've set her.

Oh OP I remember your earlier thread and you've clearly tried to do right by them.

I think some posters are missing the point that the fact that you have been fortunate in terms of an inheritance doesn't give other family members (who have also been fortunate) the right to take the piss. Especially as you have your own family to support.

One concern though - what will you do with the money from sale? Will you buy in with your DP? Although you might have to use some of your capital given you have DC and are still in education, it'd be a shame to burn through it and come out with no assets if you can avoid doing so.

I think you should just thank your lucky stars you got a free house with no mortgage.

Either sell up or evict them and move in.

I think it's a bit off to charge your parents money to live in the house they raised you in??

All seems rather backward to me.
They probably didn't learn because they've been spoilt, just like yourself.

I've no idea why OP is getting such a hard time. Jealousy maybe. You sound like you are doing your best for your mum and dad because you will need that property to provide for your future after Uni and you don't want to see your parents in trouble with money. They're taking the mick.

They probably didn't learn because they've been spoilt, just like yourself.

Jealous much?!

How on earth is the OP receiving an inheritance as a baby her being spoiled?! She had no control over it and rather than piss it up the wall she is trying to be sensible.

Oh and maybe you would like to RTFT because then you would see that the OP isnt in fact charging them rent. Her grandparents, who are the trustees until she turns 21, are running her affairs and it is them who are charging the rent. Probably in the vain hope that their feckless daughter finally starts acting like a grown up and not expecting to spend the rest of their life living rent free while their daughter has to pay rent or a mortgage despite owning a house outright! As I said above, if they had saved up what they would have had to pay on rent over the years they would have had enough to buy a place outright by now. But instead they have shot through the mothers inheritance and every penny they have coming in so are assuming that the OP will keep them.

I don't actually think there is much you can do until you are 21 as you don't control anything at this point.

What you should be doing in the meantime is changing your focus from worrying about your parents to worrying about your DD.

So give them warning things will change when you are in control, then perhaps think about getting some independent financial/legal advice about what to do for the best for yourself and your DD. SHE is the only person you are responsible for, everyone else is an adult and can look after themselves.

You have a tenancy agreement, the rent is being paid in accordance with that agreement.

They are making their choices, this is not your problem, your problem is securing your own financial independence when the time comes so that you can provide for your DD.

Oh I bloody hate this entitled OP and all the people who believe one's parents are disposable once the child-raising is over and done with .

The definition of madness is doing the same thing over again yet expecting a different result.

So are you suggesting that the OP should spend her life paying a mortgage or rent while her parents live for free in her house?

That she should subsidise their lifestyle as they have pissed away not only every penny they have earned but also the sizeable cash inheritance they received?

No one is suggesting that they are disposable but that they prepare to house themselves. No one would expect a parent to house their child for the rest of their lives, why should a child be expected to house their parents?

And how the hell is the OP entitled to want to take ownership of what is rightfully hers?

If her mother had inherited the house and decided she wanted to sell it after the OP had lived in it rent free for 20 years she would be told that she had had a good ride, she should have saved and to suck it up!

YANBU to worry about how they'll transition when you sell the house. I know it's turned out your mum was a bit shit with money but I can't help feel a bit sorry for her and your great grandma making the decision not to leave the house to her cause she's shit with money as she can't have been older than late teens/early 20s when your great grandma died? I certainly wouldn't want anyone making decisions about how good I am with money based on how I was at that age.

Do you know for certain they've got nothing saved up? Maybe they'll surprise you. I think all you can do for now is speak to your grandparents about your concerns and make sure your parents fully understand that once you're 21 you will be selling the house.

so many jealous people

pathetic !

To be honest, living rent free for a couple of decades has probably made it harder for them in a lot of ways. If they hadn't had housing sorted for free they would probably have bought somewhere and have built up a lot of equity by now. Of course they could have invested this money, but that isn't really the way most people's minds work and from the hints you make, your mum was less likely than average to get a grip on things put in the situation she was. They probably gave you a lot of experiences while you were growing up that they wouldn't have been able to had they been investing in their future in the form of housing.

You've been lucky enough to be granted a huge financial boon at the beginning of your life yet you are frustrated that your parents don't seem organized, but really, who knows how your life would have turned out if things had been different? Stop worrying about them too much, you're their child not their parent. You're probably right that they will have a lot of difficulty, but it's not up to you to teach them. Decide how much you're prepared to give and stick to it, but don't make it some kind of moral test for them. You'll destroy your relationship with them and lose all the good you can have.

Would your grandparents agree to selling the house now and keeping the proceeds in the trust til you're 21? That would be the easiest way to get them out fast.

If not I'd still be trying to evict them. It's not your problem they burned through their share of the inheritance and somehow haven't saved anything while living rent free for 2 decades. Honestly you'd be doing them a favour, the sooner they accept their actual financial situation and start making serious changes the better. They're still young enough to turn things around now.

I'm aghast at the people suggesting OP is somehow being mean for not letting her freeloader parents live in her property rent free. It's her house. Her mum got her inheritance and she blew it. Not OP's problem.

Frankly they've already been extraordinarily lucky that the terms of the trust allowed them to live there at all, most of the time these things are set up as an investment with decades of rental income coming in as well. If OP's parents had of been more capable and used their own inheritance to buy their own house OP would be coming into a significantly larger inheritance. Their fecklessness has already cost her a fortune.

Jealous much?!

The jealousy and bitterness displayed on the thread is staggering.

The bitterness at someones good fortune is horrible to see.

I don't think there's much you can do until you are 21 if your grandfather controls the trust.

I think the parents needs to be paying rent, and I think they need to be prepared that the property will be sold the day that OP gets control of her trust.

Would it make you feel better OP if you sold the house and bought two properties - one for yourself to rent out for income, and a small one bedroom flat for your parents to live in? That way you aren't as concerned about not getting rent from your lazy parents, but you're not abandoning them altogether. I don't personally think you should have to do this, but it's up to you how you feel about evicting them or not housing them.

Atenco: Exactly

Posters who are saying people who are critical of the OP are jealous: This is so reductive. I also inherited quite a lot. I recognize how fortunate I am. I would NEVER begrudge my parents holidays and moan about how they aren't paying rent for the house I own. I am not jealous and I bet that's also not the case for others on here. It's so reductive to say "oh you're just jealous" about people who see the OP in this thread and her other thread as entitled and mean.

Neither the op nor her parents would have inherited a bean had the inheritance not skipped a generation or two. So all this talk of passing by her parents is nonsense. Ops grandparents, who are her mother's parents are still alive and had they inherited everything from their parents, they'd own the house and been given the now squandered cash. There is no entitlement from op. Ops mother inherited money from her grandma, which she chose to spend. Giving op the house to the op and not her parents could at first glance seem non sensical but in fact it was the great grandparents best way of ensuring op always had a roof over her head until adulthood. This demonstrates how untrustworthy her parents are with money.

I think this is a really really hard situation. If you do want to retake possession of the house, I'd do it as soon as I was able. And yes, I believe I would warn them so that they can at least raise a deposit on a rental.

It's not just the OP who inherited though, her parents did too. They chose to fritter their inheritance away instead though.

It seems to me from what OP has said that OP and her Mum both inherited well. OP's mum has had the luxury of not having to pay rent as an adult, even during her child-rearing years.
OP and her partner are having to pay a mortgage to put a roof over their child's head while her parents continue to live rent-free in the OP's house.

OP is pretty much subsidising her parents and I fail to see how she could be considered selfish/uncaring when they received the same privilege as OP but wasted the fucking lot.
I have little sympathy for them.