AIBU to be really upset with SIL?

[WarwickAlice]

DH and I are expecting our first baby in September. My SIL rang DH tonight to tell him she has just found she is 5 months pregnant and didn't realise. The child is due less than a week after ours. I'm so angry and upset. SIL is her parents' favourite and she and her other child are treated like golden balls. My heart breaks for my husband. This will be his first baby and yet his mum and dad's attention will now be squarely on the other one, and our child will be constantly overshadowed for its whole life. Call me selfish, but just once - just this once - I was looking forward to the attention being on us, when it's always on golden balls. I am meant to see his family tomorrow but I'm so upset I may cancel. Is there anyone else who understands my hurt, or AIBU?

I don't think you'll get what you need from AIBU, tbh.

I understand

You could look at it that the cousins, as your child and SILs will be, may grow up to be close and great friends.

Always a silver lining n'that.

Unbelievable. You don't need his parents fawning over the baby to make it the most amazing thing ever for you. The sil didn't know or plan this deliberately. I think you're being stupid.

YABU yes. But I do understand. My dcs have always played second fiddle to dsil's two and it can be hurtful.

You acknowledge your feelings are unreasonable and move on. Concentrate in your own pregnancy and stop comparing.

How are you going to cope if she goes into labour before you? Let that ruin the birth of your child?

This will be his first baby and yet his mum and dad's attention will now be squarely on the other one

The other one? Take care that you don't dismiss your DH's niece/nephew in your hurt.

Anyone who treats their grandchildren differently is not worth your time.

Just to say though, the cousins get on brilliantly so it would be a shame for your dcs not to have the same opportunity to have a similar relationships with their cousins.

I cannot believe you are for real. My husband and I have been trying for 18 months to conceive and nothing is happening, we are now on the waiting list for IVF which won't start for another 5 months.

Are you seriously complaining about being pregnant? Do you have any idea how lucky you are??????

Who gives a flying fuck if your SIL is pregnant too. You lucky lucky lucky women!!!!! Why not see it as something positive to go through together???

Oh my god I cannot believe how angry this thread has made me. CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE OP

Really? You are sounding like a spoiled brat and I think you need to grow up.

YABU but I understand. My SIL annoys me for all sorts of irrational reasons. You can't help how you feel.

Still driving

Or it could be awful constantly having your achievements compared un favourably to another!!

You're being ridiculous.

I feel sorry for your child being raised by someone so childish. Please grow up.

Of course YABU.

Having a baby isn't some sort of competition to be "the most special"- it's a wonderful thing for you and your husband first and foremost. Of course, it should be a lovely thing for your wider family too. Getting het up about not being the centre of attention is not making you happy now and carrying on down this path is unlikely to do so in the future. Not only that, you are worrying about something that hasn't even happened yet, and might not. Why mar your pregnancy with this? It's a trifle overdramatic and self-indulgent IMHO.

By the sounds of it, your SIL certainly wasn't planning this so it would seem unlikely it was done to deliberately upset you. If there is a problem in terms of your PIL playing favourites, then I'd say your problem is with your PIL and not your SIL.

I think if you carry on with this attitude there is a danger that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I.e. the danger is that you will anticipate this and see everything your PIL/SIL do or say through the prism of this belief (rightly or wrongly) that your PIL are playing favouritism.

Find a way to put it to bed, OP- the only person this is causing upset to is yourself.

Bless you OP- I get irrationally angry over things due to my pregnancy and it's horrible as you know you are being unreasonable to a point but can't help it.

No one has actually done anything wrong as yet, you are assuming what will happen- why not just focus on the positives and wait and see what happens?

I would also avoid play parks, antenatal classes, hospitals in general and public places. Lots of selfish pregnant women about looking to steal your thunder.

There might even be some on here

Grow up.

You're going to have a baby. Stop behaving like one.

Since she's due a week before you, she could view it as you stealing her thunder.

Sorry. A week after you.

You're just going to have to woman up and get over yourself.

You have no idea how your ILs will treat the kids yet. Don't stress over something that hasn't happened. People react in many ways to being grandparents. You won't know what kind of grandparents they will be until they've had a chance to actually be grandparents.

Also you say she's 5 months months pregnant and due a week before you. There's no way she's copying with a date so close, especially when it's a week in front. Think about it.

If she's just announcing now she's most likely just found out in which case she's very very unlikely to have been ttc and is probably absolutely shocked and scared right now. She needs support.

The other possibility is that she's known for a while but didn't announce because you announced first and she knew you'd freak the fuck out so she waited as long as she could so you could have your moment.

Whichever it is you need to realise that your sil is not the enemy here. This could bring you closer together if you let it.

I know plenty of people who have grandkids very close in age and they don't treat them differently. Don't assume and don't blame your Sil. Even if pil are playing favourites it isn't her fault. If you blame her it will be your kid missing out as they will miss out on a good Relationship with their cousin.

I don't know how you can get over it but I know that you need to for the sake of
Your child.

Imagine if they share a birthday

YAB incredibly U.
You need to seriously take a look at what you have posted.