AIBU to be really upset with SIL?

[WarwickAlice]

DH and I are expecting our first baby in September. My SIL rang DH tonight to tell him she has just found she is 5 months pregnant and didn't realise. The child is due less than a week after ours. I'm so angry and upset. SIL is her parents' favourite and she and her other child are treated like golden balls. My heart breaks for my husband. This will be his first baby and yet his mum and dad's attention will now be squarely on the other one, and our child will be constantly overshadowed for its whole life. Call me selfish, but just once - just this once - I was looking forward to the attention being on us, when it's always on golden balls. I am meant to see his family tomorrow but I'm so upset I may cancel. Is there anyone else who understands my hurt, or AIBU?

Tbh if your baby is so easily overshadowed by the sil baby then the family weren't going to be That interested in the first place. I don't get why it's such a drama

So why not look at the awesome fact that there will be cousins a week apart in age and assuming no sulky, petty behaviour from miffed parents which keeps them apart, they could grow up really close? I have a cousin a bit older than me and one a bit younger and we were called M&M's because all our names started with M (one even has same name as me) and we always used to hang out together at family functions.

YABU, It's not your SIL's fault that this has happened.

I do get why your upset .but she didn't mean to do it and the problem should be with your PIL if they don't celebrate your child or they compare her because they're the ones behavin badly. You can't blame SIL for having a child.

I've got a similar situation. Though it's my deep intake of breath Dh' mum's dp's son's gf. Her oh overshadowed my dc1's. Cancellations for her dramas, babysitting arranged dropped because they were having a crisis (despite having a huge family of her own )

Made a joke to mil that when she found out i was expecting #2 she'd announce she was pregnant and lo and behold....

However the amount of joy my dc brings me and dh. Plus the fact they're too busy fawning over her and her dc means we don't have to share and the people who do care are always there when we need them.

Put a lot of the feelings down to hormones as well

YABU to be angry at your SIL. Seriously, stop and think about this!

Oh fucking hell.
This is going to be one of those where everyone says YABU and you won't accept it.

You are being super unreasonable. Even if you're right about SIL's child being a priority over yours, it's better to know from the outset rather than have your children ditched later on when their golden cousin comes along.

If you have a tantrum about this it will only serve to distance you from the in laws.

Seeiouly in a world of awful, that your baby will have a family member to be pals with from birth is awesome.

You could make a thing about this, but I'm going to bet that long game you'll come out a lot worse.

My sil was like you.

We dont see her anymore. We only see the kids at my parents when they are babysitting. Its a real shame.

Apparantly i was stealing her thunder when i collapsed got rushed to hospital, where i found out i was pg....a month after their engagment.

The fact that it was a boy and i had already had a girl, again was stealing her thunder because she and brother would never have the first grandson/granddaughter, really pushed her over the edge. I had taken all the firsts. like a chose to have a boy on purpose.

Then she decided that my parents should think her child was more special as that child would be their 'first borns, first born'.

Tbh i often wonder on threads about golden children if its actually true. Yes it does happen. But often the one claiming to married to the black sheep is really high maintenance.

Your "heart breaks" for your poor husband? Oh, get a bloody grip

YABU

Firstly, you are only going to make yourself miserable setting these expectations already. Things can easily be twisted into "see, they are loved more, boohoo" maybe try a more positive less self obsessed outlook, your child will have a cousin super close in age, how lovely for them.

Ok, if I'm being so unreasonable, how do I stop being so upset? Unreasonable or not, I am feeling really sad

She didn't plan it and how her parents are isn't her fault.

On the bright side, you should be delighted that you won't have to suffer the torture of interfering, overbearing, obsessive pil who won't leave you alone. Trust me there is nothing worse and or more stressful when you've just had a baby.

Leave them to it, focus on the family you're creating and enjoy the freedom of not having squatting in laws.

What should your sil have done?

Shar can your sil do?

Please answer these two questions and then at least you'll know how she could NOT upset you.

Is the desert to both "nothing really"?

Then there's your response - YABVVU

You are going to be a parent soon yet are acting very childish,

You don't have a child just because you want attention.

Build a bridge and get the fuck over it

I get why you are upset but once you've got used to the idea you need to focus on the future and what's best for the children.

Maybe this is an opportunity for your generation to disrupt the unhealthy dynamics?

Get a grip. Your pregnant with your first child. Lots of people never get to have that experience so you should be grateful not whinging because your sil suddenly found out she's pregnant.

Sounds great, your PIL won't be all over you and you can enjoy your new little family in peace. I'd kill for my MIL to have something else to obsess over!
Make your own family unit and don't bother with your DH's family if they treat him unfairly. If you feel your DC will be second best then stuff them.
My DF's parents were similar and thought the sun shone out of our cousins arses, hence why we only saw them once a year.

It's hard when you know you're being unreasonable but you still feel sad. My acting is now oscar worthy-be smiley with your SIL even if you don't feel like it.

This is so outrageous it's funny.

Hopefully your SIL will have a healthy pregnancy and baby given I'm guessing she has not being following standard advice as she didn't realise she was pregnant and won't have had any tests she might have chosen to have.

You may be right but it does seem a bit much to say that your child will be overshadowed for a lifetime when they haven't even arrived yet. Neither is it your SIL fault so your fury is aimed in the wrong direction there.

If you are due to meet them tomorrow tbh I would make some excuse not to go because I think you may say something you'll regret later on. I am wondering if your SIL thought you may react like this because she rang you tonight rather than tell you in person tomorrow.

The sooner you realise millions of women have and continue to get pregnant and give birth, the better. When your PFB comes along try and remember that too, you're not the only woman in the world with a baby, so when you don't get a P&C parking space, don't huff and puff about it - move on.
When you see other pregnant women get more attention than you, that's okay too.
And if little old ladies don't stop you in the street to coo over little baby Alice, don't kick them in the hunchback, just move on with your life.

Having a baby isn't about having the golden child, favourite GC or loads of attention and spotlight time for you, it's about starting something new, celebrating life and being fortunate enough to be blessed with children when so many people aren't.

You should be ecstatic for your SIL that she's fortunate to be on this journey to motherhood too, it's a beautiful thing which both of you are so so lucky to be on. Get off your high horse, and enjoy it.