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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think her childcare issues don't take priority?

242 replies

MyFairyKing · 13/05/2017 20:36

I've been in my current role for a few years. In our team, there needs to be one senior person during opening hours. We have core hours, no shift work. I work 4 days a week and I do this due to health reasons. I applied for this flexible working request and it was accepted as I am disabled as per the Equality Act.

My fellow senior was full-time and we used to rub along well, discussing holidays and negotiating well. She's now left and my new colleague also works 4 days a week. In her previous team, she had the same non working day as me. Manager sat us down yesterday and asked us to agree between us how we work it out or they will have to make a decision for us but they want us both to be happy. I'm not very assertive in real life and I felt totally bamboozled by her and she was going on and on at me about how she arranged childcare to be like this. She wasn't being horrible by the way, just not really thinking about me. FWIW, I have a child too, so I am not unsympathetic.

In terms of contracts, we are both contracted to work X hours per week. There is nothing in our contracts that specifies our non working day.

She text me today, saying she didn't want to put me under pressure (!) but her childminder cannot take or collect her children to school on that day and she doesn't know what to do. I get that she's worried. She's not an unpleasant person at all.

I want to speak to my manager and say that I think I should get priority. I have physiotherapy on my day off and I was getting so ill but having this treatment plus a break in the working week was giving me enough time to recover and be for work when I am there,

AIBU?

OP posts:
KarmaNoMore · 14/05/2017 07:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KarmaNoMore · 14/05/2017 07:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shittestmumintheworld · 14/05/2017 07:50

If her working pattern was immovable this should have been discussed at interview or before accepting the job/starting. She should have asked about it, then been told that she couldn't be guaranteed to have the working pattern she'd previously that. Then she could have decided whether to take the job on that basis or not.

shittestmumintheworld · 14/05/2017 07:56

Hm thinking about it more and more, if I was in her position, changing jobs, KNOWING I couldn't possibly work a Wednesday, i would definitely raise if before accepting to make sure it would be ok. How would she have known that there might not be another colleague who couldn't possibly get childcare on a Wednesday? If she did raise it and was told it would be fine then that's for her to take up with the manager and I'd be pretty pissed off if I was her.

shittestmumintheworld · 14/05/2017 08:01

....but that wouldn't be your problem.

charlestonchaplin · 14/05/2017 08:19

Mentioning the physio appointment would just have the colleague and manager focus on changing that day like many here, completely ignoring the rest issue.

The OP wrote this in the first post: ...plus a break in the working week was giving me enough time to recover and be for work when I am there. If a native English speaker doesn't understand what that means and says the OP wasn't being clear about her situation, seriously, the deficiency (in understanding) lies with them.

It doesn't take a genius to work out that she has Wednesday's off (before she confirmed it), and do people think she is so thick as to not have considered whether she could work three days before a break? She really needs you to sign in to Mumsnet to point that golden nugget out?

welovepancakes · 14/05/2017 08:27

OP - don't offer to work Wednesdays on a trial basis. It'll become permanent

Don't focus on the physio, as people will think you're being difficult / contrary

In fairness to new colleague, if she doesn't know why you have Wed off, she probably thought it was worth asking, in case you might be able to change your day off. But you can't. Be sympathetic but don't budge

Suze1621 · 14/05/2017 08:29

I think you need to stand your ground here. You have an agreed arrangement in place which enables you to work effectively and manage your health needs well.

Heatherjayne1972 · 14/05/2017 08:31

Op I think your health comes first
A letter from your gp/ specialist to confirm the rest days would sensible
Can you even move the physio - in my area that would be a total nightmare
Yes finding childcare is a headache but you have children too ( and presumably some form of paid care as well ) and you were there first.
I would have a chat with the manager privately if you have been there a while they should be aware of your health needs

Hope it works out for you both

Stuffofawesome · 14/05/2017 08:36

Remind your manager the day off midweek is a reasonable adjustment for your disability under the DDA. Changing i's not reasonable for the reasons you have stated.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 14/05/2017 08:38

Colleague's childminder can't do Wednesday? Is there only one childminder in your town?
Yes, the ideal is that you have one childminder for all the days, but it's not unusual for children to go to CM 1 two days a week and CM 2 for three

stillnotgettingit · 14/05/2017 08:38

MyFairyKing I think your manager is in the wrong for even entertaining this and your co-worker for thinking this is an ok ask in a new role. Your co-worker should have sorted out her hours and whether they fitted in with her home life before she excepted the job. She can't expect to come into a new role and people change their days/hours to accommodate her.

flowery · 14/05/2017 08:41

Your established terms and conditions are currently that you have Wednesdays off.

Not only would this be a change to your terms and conditions, but the reason these are your terms and conditions in the first place is because of your disability.

You are entitled to refuse to change your terms and conditions. There are ways an employer can force through changes but they would need exceptionally good business reasons to do so, which they don't have, and trying to force someone with a disability to change under these circumstances would be incredibly risky and stupid.

Unihorn · 14/05/2017 08:41

In my organisation everyone with children under 16 is entitled to flexible working hours. Do you think she was told in her interview that she could have Wednesdays off? That's normally the type of thing you discuss when interviewing someone.

If that's the case then I'm assuming that's why your manager is hoping you can work it out by yourselves, because someone's fucked up somewhere. If you can't sort it between the two of you then he would have to seek further advice on what he legally has to do.

autumnboys · 14/05/2017 08:51

Could she do her own drop off/pick up on a Wednesday & be in the office to work core hours & then leave early on another day? She would save the cost of a pick up in the early leaving day. It's not particularly convenient for her, but lots of people do it. Childcare arrangements change/get easier as time goes on & the kids grow up. Health issues may not.

I'm unimpressed by your management trying to get the two if you to decide it. They didn't specify it in her offer & now they're sitting back on their one day a week salary saving making it your problem to sort out!

Suze1621 · 14/05/2017 09:08

I would resist the expectation that you should be able to sort it out between the two of you. You have a reasonable adjustment in place in relation to your disability - you have nothing to gain and potentially a lot to loose by changing this. I would be very cautious about altering this on a trial basis as in my experience it will be much harder to go back if it does not work for you and impact on your attendance, performance at work and health could be significant and stressful. Either your new colleague did not raise the issue of her inability to work Wednesdays at interview or before accepting the post - in which case she can have no realistic expectation of her request being agreed - or the recruiting manager agreed this without checking it was possible. Neither of these scenarios is your fault or your responsibility to resolve - just explain your position and clearly as you have on here and do not get drawn into compromising your needs.

katkitkat · 14/05/2017 09:13

Work will either have to take the hit and let you both have that day off, or grow a pair and make the right decision themselves (tell the new starter there has been a misunderstanding/error on their part, apologise, and explain that she will have to choose another day off or potentially not accept the job)

rookiemere · 14/05/2017 09:42

When I first read your OP and first few posts, it did seem that you were being intransigent for the sake of it, but now you have explained it very simply, then you are totally in the right here.

Flowery has given excellent employment advice over the years so if she is saying don't change your NWD, then don't change it. It sounds like even a trial period could aggravate your condition and cause a relapse so I wouldn't even be suggesting it.

People do seem very hard on the other employee. We have no way of knowing what was said or not said at interview and subsequent conversations by either party and good childcare is hard to find. I have recently moved role to a promotion and I discussed childcare arrangements at interview and at subsequent conversation before formally accepting the post, only to have a last minute let down (luckily DH was able to change his working pattern) so these things happen.
However this is definitely not your problem and it seems like gross negligence on your managers side to let you both fight it out.

You're not obliged to let the other person know anything, but I agree with those pps that suggest you spell it out to her very clearly before you put it back in managements court. You will likely have to work with this person ( unless her childcare issues are insurmountable and she doesn't take the post) and if I were her it would be helpful to understand that the reason that you cannot change days is because it would impact your health so seriously that it would jeopardise your ability to do the job on an ongoing basis.

LadyPW · 14/05/2017 09:45

First come, first served + health > childcare.
OP wins.

flowery · 14/05/2017 10:12

"People do seem very hard on the other employee. We have no way of knowing what was said or not said at interview and subsequent conversations by either party and good childcare is hard to find."

I agree with this. It seems entirely likely from what the OP says about the organisation that the colleague was led to believe that she could keep the same working hours. But management's error in not recruiting someone to cover the hours required for the job is not the OP's problem to solve.

Stuffofawesome · 14/05/2017 10:15

Could you email your manager statin

  • you do not feel it is appropriate to have to discuss your disability with a new colleagues
  • your week is reasonable adjustment mention occ health and DDA
-you feel changing the day off will have negative impact on your health and ability to do your job
KarmaNoMore · 14/05/2017 10:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RaspberryOverloadsOnChilli · 14/05/2017 10:36

The colleague isn't as nice as it seems, ifshe is happy to try guilt-tripping the OP by text. Because that is clearly what's going on.

OP, don't change your day, and stand your ground. Your day off is a reasonable adjustment, as said by many others, and you have the seniority here.

Your manager is in the wrong for even suggesting you and your colleague discuss it. As manager, he should have been making this decision, bearing in mind the reasonable adjustments, etc. I've been a manager, and my approach would have been to highlight the working hours before offering the post. Newbies slot in around the existing staff, not the other way around.

And there's nothing to say the colleague has done anything other than speak to her current childminder (if indeed she actually has done that). If she has a different day off, then what she pays out for Wednesdays would surely be saved from her current bill, so I can't see she'd be paying much different.

sashh · 14/05/2017 10:47

I have physiotherapy on my day off and I was getting so ill but having this treatment plus a break in the working week was giving me enough time to recover and be for work when I am there

So under the equality act you could ask for this to be a reasonable adjustment and take a different day as non working too.

I think you should have priority because it is your health and because you have been doing this first.

Also her children are not going to be young forever, your health is permanent.

theymademejoin · 14/05/2017 11:04

Karma - the physio is a red herring, not because it can be changed, but because it is irrelevant. The op has Wednesday off as she needs it due to her disability. It doesn't matter whether she has physio that day or whether she uses the day to run naked though Hyde Park. The agreement on which day is best for her health is the point.