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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think her childcare issues don't take priority?

242 replies

MyFairyKing · 13/05/2017 20:36

I've been in my current role for a few years. In our team, there needs to be one senior person during opening hours. We have core hours, no shift work. I work 4 days a week and I do this due to health reasons. I applied for this flexible working request and it was accepted as I am disabled as per the Equality Act.

My fellow senior was full-time and we used to rub along well, discussing holidays and negotiating well. She's now left and my new colleague also works 4 days a week. In her previous team, she had the same non working day as me. Manager sat us down yesterday and asked us to agree between us how we work it out or they will have to make a decision for us but they want us both to be happy. I'm not very assertive in real life and I felt totally bamboozled by her and she was going on and on at me about how she arranged childcare to be like this. She wasn't being horrible by the way, just not really thinking about me. FWIW, I have a child too, so I am not unsympathetic.

In terms of contracts, we are both contracted to work X hours per week. There is nothing in our contracts that specifies our non working day.

She text me today, saying she didn't want to put me under pressure (!) but her childminder cannot take or collect her children to school on that day and she doesn't know what to do. I get that she's worried. She's not an unpleasant person at all.

I want to speak to my manager and say that I think I should get priority. I have physiotherapy on my day off and I was getting so ill but having this treatment plus a break in the working week was giving me enough time to recover and be for work when I am there,

AIBU?

OP posts:
AntiGrinch · 14/05/2017 11:06

I'm not saying anything against the person, I know how hard it can be to organise childcare and I agree she could have been led to believe she could maintain her status quo.

However, none of this is the OP's fault. Or, probably, the new person's. And that is why management is shit taking this "work it out between you" approach. They've messed up and they're relying on your basic niceness and willingness to get on with people to stand in for them making proper structured decisions. Don't accept it.

pringlecat · 14/05/2017 11:14

KarmaNoMore I see your judgement and I raise you my own physio and my own disability. Hmm Slots can be moved with enough notice and compromise. But that isn't the point: even if the slot could be moved, the OP still couldn't physically cope with three days of work in a row. That's what is key.

It's taken a while to get from the OP that working three days in a row is not possible. I suspect this has not been clearly communicated to the manager either, otherwise the manager would be very unreasonable to be suggesting to the OP to just work it out with the other lady.

KarmaNoMore · 14/05/2017 11:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BollardDodger · 14/05/2017 12:15

Why did your new colleague move to their new job? If it was their choice, your arrangements should stand. If she was forced, both existing arrangements should stand, as by law a request for flexible working is permanent if agreed.

Mehfruittea · 14/05/2017 14:50

both existing arrangements should stand, as by law a request for flexible working is permanent if agreed.

I think this is a really good point, and why the manager may be copping out and asking them to sort it between them. It's a real headache they had not considered during recruitment and now may be unable to fix without cooperation from both. That doesn't mean either has to.

OP. - sorry if I've missed this, but do you have a good sick record? Do you know what would happen if you switched to working 3 days in a row and ended up taking time off? I've worked this shift pattern myself, due to fatigue and extreme tiredness before I was diagnosed with a condition that has ultimately left me disabled. I understand how important the rest day is. Hold your ground.

Mehfruittea · 14/05/2017 14:53

What is the plan for holiday cover? If one of you works Wednesday and is then on holiday for 2 weeks? Is the other expected to come in 5 days?? How does the work get done in this situation?

I think the key to resolution is finding a way for you both to retain your shift patterns that will be acceptable to your boss. Try to make a business case for it maybe, whilst not budging an inch.

BigGrannyPants · 14/05/2017 18:19

Agree with Meh, you should go back to your manager and say that neither of you are prepared to change your shift pattern and under EA he/she will need to make alternative arrangements for the Wednesday. Seems he has set you against each other so perhaps you should stand together instead.

welovepancakes · 14/05/2017 19:41

The colleague isn't as nice as it seems, if she is happy to try guilt-tripping the OP by text. Because that is clearly what's going on.

I think this is unfair to the colleague. She's sounding out OP to see if changing days may be an option. I think that's fair enough, assuming she has no idea of OP's circumstances

rookiemere · 14/05/2017 20:36

I really don't think OP needs to discuss the other colleagues flexible working arrangement with her boss. It's really not her concern. Her objective is to make sure that her current working arrangements are upheld - getting involved in colleagues fight puts the boss in a corner which is never a wise situation.
Also we have no idea what went on in the hiring discussion, or as people have asked upthread if this is a promotion, voluntary move or enforced one for colleague. This all dictates how strong her case is to retain her current non working day.

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 14/05/2017 21:11

I think you'd be a doormat to offer to even trial a different day. You have a disability which presumably is something you're stuck with long term. She has a child, not an illness, and more to the point she's accepted a job which requires her to work a Wednesday. She needs to find alternative childcare and not expect a colleague to bear the brunt of her inconvenience for her. Your employers should not be countenancing this and should have been firm on this point at the outset.

What happens if you try moving your day off but three consecutive days are unmanageable? I don't suppose she'll be quick to help you by swapping back.

Coastalcommand · 15/05/2017 00:25

Could you take Tuesday afternoons off, and she takes the two mornings. Or vice versa?

Coastalcommand · 15/05/2017 00:26

Sorry Tuesday and Wednesday afternoons.

3luckystars · 15/05/2017 00:53

'I have Wednesday off for medical reasons. I have seniority'

peukpokicuzo · 15/05/2017 04:03

Coastalcommand the OP has already stated a number of times that two half days would not provide the rest that her health requires. I think that is becoming this thread's "cancel the cheque". Plus she should not have to endanger her health for the convenience of a new staff member.

thatdearoctopus · 15/05/2017 08:01

her childminder cannot take or collect her children to school on that day and she doesn't know what to do

That's actually not your problem. Stop making it so. She has to do what everyone else has to, and find another childminder/friend/granny/husband who can do it. You can't.

blackteasplease · 15/05/2017 09:12

I agree with those who say, make this the manager's problem.

JustMyLuckUnfortunately · 15/05/2017 09:26

OP I hope you take the advice from most people and speak to your manager today explaining you need the Wed as your rest day.

Best of luck Flowers

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