To think her childcare issues don't take priority?

[MyFairyKing]

I've been in my current role for a few years. In our team, there needs to be one senior person during opening hours. We have core hours, no shift work. I work 4 days a week and I do this due to health reasons. I applied for this flexible working request and it was accepted as I am disabled as per the Equality Act.

My fellow senior was full-time and we used to rub along well, discussing holidays and negotiating well. She's now left and my new colleague also works 4 days a week. In her previous team, she had the same non working day as me. Manager sat us down yesterday and asked us to agree between us how we work it out or they will have to make a decision for us but they want us both to be happy. I'm not very assertive in real life and I felt totally bamboozled by her and she was going on and on at me about how she arranged childcare to be like this. She wasn't being horrible by the way, just not really thinking about me. FWIW, I have a child too, so I am not unsympathetic.

In terms of contracts, we are both contracted to work X hours per week. There is nothing in our contracts that specifies our non working day.

She text me today, saying she didn't want to put me under pressure (!) but her childminder cannot take or collect her children to school on that day and she doesn't know what to do. I get that she's worried. She's not an unpleasant person at all.

I want to speak to my manager and say that I think I should get priority. I have physiotherapy on my day off and I was getting so ill but having this treatment plus a break in the working week was giving me enough time to recover and be for work when I am there,

AIBU?

Just to clarify, I do like my colleague. I don't want her to be in a difficult position, of course I don't. I know what it's like when your child vomits right before work and you have this panic about childcare and work and time off. It's really stressful balancing parenthood and work - I totally get that.

Ideally, we'd have a senior from another team covering our day because we both have valid reasons but due to budget constraints, they aren't going to do that.

Is the issue that you can currently do 2 days, break, 2 days and if you change the date you wouldn't have this pattern, yes?

Assuming your day off is a Wed, would a Tues or Thurs suffice instead? You're both in a shitty position, I'm not sure whether her's is more insurmountable at this stage though, it can take time to find alternative childcare if it is at all possible.

However this isn't up to you two. I'd let your manager sort it, I'd put it right back in his court.

If her childminder can't work that day then she needs to find alternative arrangements. There are other childminders/forms of childcare.

I am guessing that if you are using your mid week day to 'recharge' so to speak you risk becoming more tired/unwell doing three consecutive days than two and also your work suffering.

This is not a difficult dilemma for me. If I was your manager I would tell her to sort out alternative arrangements and that moving your day was not appropriate.

DeadGood It's incredibly hard to assert yourself when you don't want to offend or upset your colleague. I don't want to seem unsympathic to her but I agree I am BU on that point.

Ideally, working 3 days in a row wouldn't work for me as I begin to flag towards the end of Tuesday and Friday but yes, I am willing to trial it.

Is there the possibility of splitting the day? So finish early Tuesday start late Wednesday? Is there a breakfast club she could use? The possibility of working from home?

If it's really medically necessary that you have Wednesday off, and your health would be affected by having Tuesday or Thursday instead, I suggest you get your doctor to put that in writing. I don't think you will have any problem if you do that. But the way it sounds now it could be interpreted as just you wanting it this way and being inflexible about changing your physio.

Splitting the day wouldn't give me the full rest I need. I would prefer having my non working day as a Thursday to that option.

Fair enough

Richard Thanks for letting me know. I didn't mean it like that. I mean, in a perfect world, I'd work full time as I bloody miss the money. :(

Just to clarify - my main reason for wanting Wednesday is due to health, so I can completely rest and recharge. I do have physiotherapy but I can (and would) move it if it were the only factor.

Neither of you is being unreasonable but if your colleague has changed roles and you haven't, I think they'd be on shaky ground forcing you to change your day. Sensibly, they should have said to the other person, "congratulations, we are offering you promotion but that job has a working pattern of Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday".

totally agree with this surely this should have been agreed at the interview, I think you maybe need to speak to your manager and say that changing will cause you problems, and reminding him or her of the reasons why your have the current work pattern, say you find it difficult to say this to the new employee

"Dead sorry but I don't think you read my post above"

I did actually OP, but you left an important detail out - it's now fairly clear that you currently have wednesdays off.

It does sound like you are not being forthcoming and I think your colleague will find it difficult to understand why you aren't budging, unless you explain it. I know that won't be a popular opinion but I think it's probably true. She is dependent on someone else's schedule to maintain her own, and unless she knows about your reasons for needing that particular day, she will feel you are simply being intransigent.

I agree with GU24 by the way. You were there first and she probably could sort out alternative childcare. But I do think she will resist doing so while it appears you just want that day off because it's always been that way.

Your day is what it is for health reasons. If your days moved, you might end up with lots of sick days because of exhaustion. Explain that to your manager quietly before he makes the decision.

If you are comfortable sharing information about your health then maybe text her back.

Hi colleague, thanks for your text, I appreciate you not putting pressure on me. Unfortunately my illness and disability mean that I need the break in the week because I can't keep chugging on forward without a break. I tried it before and it was making me really unwell. I have regular physiotherapy on my day off too. If I don't have the break I will end up off sick a lot. This is such a difficult situation for both of us. See you tomorrow.

You are disabled and your working pattern is a reasonable adjustment.

Having kids/ childcare is not a protected characteristic. I think in law your rights trump hers unless she can argue sex discrimination.

Be firm. She can find other childcare. You can't magically find better health.

Your manager was a bit stupid not sorting this out when your new colleague was taken on. Now it's for them to organize. It's actually not your colleague'a fault either but someone higher up the chain should have thought this through better. I'd be tempted to join together with your colleague and campaign for the senior from elsewhere to cover Wednesdays. Neither of you has done anything wrong, though given your length of service, as a manager, I'd likely support you over the newer colleague.

Could other person not have a Mon or a Fri off where I work these days either side of the weekend are preferred days off? Personally I would rather have a Fri off if at all possible if working a four day week second favourite day off would be Monday or Wednesday.
I also have reasonable adjustments and older DC's I had this with a new colleague who expected me to swap my days and hours to accommodate her reasonable adjustments. Management should really sort this and should have spoken to the new ones employee about her hours right at the beginning.

It sounds like it isn't convenient for her to move to your team because your team requires someone who can work a Wednesday.

I'm sorry if I wasn't clear in my OP. I don't want to guilt her as I've felt a lot of guilt from her text, although knowing her, I doubt she meant it that way.

I think I will write a short few sentences about why this day off is important to my health and write it without emotion. Obviously, I will add that I fully appreciate her circumstances and that we both have valid reasons for wanting the day off and that I don't want to make things difficult for her. I'll email her and copy in my manager and say that I'm happy to sit again to meet to discuss. Does that sound ok? I really like this job and don't want to cause a ruckus.

Don't "trial" anything. It is worse for her to have to change her childcare later than now and you'll feel you have to wait until you are at death's door to get the favour of changing your days. You dislike conflict and that situation will end up with worse conflict than this.

She's new into the role. You already had your day off for health reasons. She is asking you to change your days because she has awkward childcare issues. It is easier to say no now.

Yes finding a childminder available for a different day of the week is difficult. It's not impossible though. A pain, yes, but definitely possible. The nature of my work means I have to do that quite often. At one time I used 3 different childminders. There's a lot of ringing round and negotiation. Annoying. That's all. Your health trumps that.

Cant you suggest that you'll help for x number weeks until suitable childcare can be found?

Work might have bitten off more than they can chew though because disability is a protected characteristic but so is providing childcare. It's all very well her being told she needs to sort alternatives out but if it's anything like my area we had to put a deposit down for a nursery 18 months in advance. If I was suddenly told I had to change my arrangements I wouldnt be able to (and he hasnt even started yet).

If she cannot get childcare then can she still commit to her job! As a parent yourself (I'm assuming you have no child care issues) you do not appear bothered by her situation.

Yes, work have to make reasonable adjustments but essentially they only have to offer you a day if that is outlined by OH (as you say the day isn't specified in your contract). Your colleague has attempted to work around the 'problem' by finding out if her childminder can cover the other day, but you haven't mentioned if you have given her the same curtesy?

If you refuse to change your day purely because your disabled and feel you have more rights then yabu.

I'm disabled myself btw.

So this person is new to the team in which you work, and you have an existing flexible working arrangement to have that particular day off?

I'd say it's the manager's job to resolve. He should have made the job offer to the other individual on the basis of them needing to work a full week, and not accepted them joining/transferring on a flexible working basis that might clash with the existing arrangements (i.e. yours). I would actually turn it back round onto the manager and say "What are you going to do about it?"

it is made very clear in my workplace that a flexible working arrangement is only accepted by one manager for working in their particular team; if you take another job in a different team, there is no presumption that you can continue the same flexible working, but instead have to re-request it from the new manager. Job offers are always on the basis of full-time, standard working arrangements.

Just realised that my e-mail didn't quite make sense - they should have said to new colleague, "it's a 4 day role; choose any day except a Weds".

Your disability and the reasonable adjustment for it are more important (and less changeable) than her childcare restrictions. You need to be assertive with your manager and your new colleague. RunRabbit's text is ideal, but you need to address it with your manager ASAP and remind them why you have Wednesdays off.

If this is a promotion for your colleague then personally I feel the company have slipped up along the way.

I used to recruit many, many part time staff in a previous life and would have made it VERY clear with applicants which days were required. Sounds like your colleague was offered this promotion without this vital conversation taking place. Had they discussed days required with her - which blended in with your days to ensure department was staffed correctly - colleague would have either had to make alternative childcare arrangements or declined the promotion. To me it appears company have basically dumped their error on your doorstep, OP!

Sorry, not being unsympathetic at all as been there, done that etc. but I'm with you Fairy. You were there first. Colleague either fits in with you or declines the promotion/returns to previous role IMHO. (And I do speak as a mum who had to arrange very difficult childcare for my DD with SLD many years ago so certainly understand her problem but there are always ways around it.)