To think her childcare issues don't take priority?

[MyFairyKing]

I've been in my current role for a few years. In our team, there needs to be one senior person during opening hours. We have core hours, no shift work. I work 4 days a week and I do this due to health reasons. I applied for this flexible working request and it was accepted as I am disabled as per the Equality Act.

My fellow senior was full-time and we used to rub along well, discussing holidays and negotiating well. She's now left and my new colleague also works 4 days a week. In her previous team, she had the same non working day as me. Manager sat us down yesterday and asked us to agree between us how we work it out or they will have to make a decision for us but they want us both to be happy. I'm not very assertive in real life and I felt totally bamboozled by her and she was going on and on at me about how she arranged childcare to be like this. She wasn't being horrible by the way, just not really thinking about me. FWIW, I have a child too, so I am not unsympathetic.

In terms of contracts, we are both contracted to work X hours per week. There is nothing in our contracts that specifies our non working day.

She text me today, saying she didn't want to put me under pressure (!) but her childminder cannot take or collect her children to school on that day and she doesn't know what to do. I get that she's worried. She's not an unpleasant person at all.

I want to speak to my manager and say that I think I should get priority. I have physiotherapy on my day off and I was getting so ill but having this treatment plus a break in the working week was giving me enough time to recover and be for work when I am there,

AIBU?

Could the other woman work before and after school and make her hours up another day.

I don't think either of you are been unreasonable..Did she choose to move or was she moved?

Don't trial it. The status quo is that you have the day off if you lose that it becomes a lot less clear cut.

You have not changed role and if you amend your day off on this occasion, will they ask you to change again in the future if someone else joins who has a different flexible pattern?!
I appreciate your manager is in a difficult position and I sympathise with your colleague but her new job requires somebody that works on a Wednesday!

Cross posted. If you say both your reasons are equally valid that's inaccurate because it simply isn't true but it sets you up for her to push and your manager to let her have it. It will be worse for the team overall if you make yourself ill. 3 consecutive days is a much bigger deal than two.

Explain that you need Weds off for health reasons, as you can't work 3 consecutive days, and this will never change. Don't mention the physio appointments.
Her DCs will grow up, and go to school eventually. She should be able to change her childcare arrangements if she really tried - she's the customer of her nursery or childminder who will want to accommodate her

I agree with others that you shouldn't trial it. If you happen to get through a few weeks without getting ill the Wednesdays will be hers. How is that fair?

This needs to be sorted out by your manager, not between the two of you by text.
You were doing the job first and have Wednesday's off for health reasons.
She is new to the team and HR/your manager should have made it clear before she started that the only day of the week that she couldn't have off is a Wednesday.
You must not feel guilty about this at all. It's v unfortunate for your new colleague, but she must take this up with management if there is a problem.
If I were you I would get a doctors note saying why you need a break mid week and then have a chat with HR.
If I were your colleague I would be annoyed by the situation, but surely if she required a Wednesday off she would have negotiated this at the point of interview? Whilst this is a pain for her, it is always possible to reorganise child care. It is not possible to reorganise your health.
Good luck. Stand your ground politely and don't allow yourself to feel guilt tripped!

Look, you just need to be assertive. Your need to have a break on Wednesdays for your health is important, beyond important really, imperative.

Her childcare issues are important too, but not as unchangable as yours.

Your standing up for your NEEDS isn't being selfish or mean, it's a necessity.

I think your needs take priority due to the impact it may have on your health. Has she even tried to find alternative childcare?

Unfortunately, I work for the sort of organisation that often makes decisions, desperately trying to appease everyone, then realises it's a epic cock up. The actual role is such a good one, so I'm reluctant to leave. However, I hope they handle it well for both of our sakes. She must be a panic about childcare and she should have been told this when she started and not now.

When they employed her, why didn't they specify then that she needed to work on the day you're off?

YANBU anyway! :)

In terms of the Equality Act, disabilty is a protected characteristic, but so is sex and as your colleague has caring responsibilities, as they tend to impact more on women, she is also covered by the Equality Act. So legally it is a grey area. Your manager is in a very tricky situation, it really would be best if you could find a compromise way forward with your new colleague.

Seems like you both have very valid reasons for not changing to a different day off. I used to have Tuesdays off, and I found it broke the week up nicely. You get through Monday, with a day off to look forward to. Then a 3 day run which doesn't feel too daunting facing into the weekend.

I dont think either of you are being unreasonable.

But I totally disagree with the posters suggesting she can just get other childcare.

It's often not that simple. I'm a lone parent with no family in a rural area. I've had to give up work before when there simply isn't any childcare available.

Don't trial it - as it's much harder to then say it's not working, and try to get her to swap later.

You need to stand your ground, as hard as it. You have an incredibly valid reason for needing that day off - I totally understand as I used to be in that position myself.

I think it's best to be open and honest so as to try not to build resentment, but sadly people often do get annoyed with adjustments being in place.

TheLuminaries I didn't realise that childcare issues could be covered by the EA. interesting. That does make sense in some ways though.

While I realise childcare issues are tricky for her (& you), the fact that Wednesdays off are necessary for you to continue doing the job to the best of your abilities trumps amy childcare issues she may have. You say you're not the most assertive in real life...you're just asserting your rights here. Please think of yourself long term rather than being the nice one here. I mean no disrespect to the difficulties of childcare issues and part time working but Disability rights are there for many good and correct reasons. I really hope it works out for you.

look , as somebody who has a life limiting, exhausting, soul destroying set of autoimmune diseases, I know totally and utterly how important that one day of rest is in the middle of the week. I have to make sure that I have a good long afternoon sleep on wednesday and Saturday every single week or I can not function for my kids and uni course for the rest of the week. if i didn't do that, then within 2 weeks my condition will have flared to the point where I can not move my sausage hands, wear shoes on my ballooning feet or manage the stairs. Its really bloody awful. So please, do not put yourself in the position of giving your day off up voluntarily or you know you will end up stuck in a cycle of downs until you can not work anymore. This is a serious thing, an adjustment that will allow you to continue to work. Your colleague can find another child minder but would you really find another employer that is as understanding of your needs and illness?

Fight for the day off, fight tooth and nail.

Would occupational health back you up?

Finding alternative childcare could be incredibly difficult though depending on the local situation.
You sound a reasonable person though Op. This is someone you need to work closely with so I do think compromise will go along way. She will have to rely on other people to make compromise work whereas you can make the decision alone.
Circumstances can change a lot. I think showing flexibility now will help you in the long term whether you want to refuse a favour or ask one, down the line.

If you refuse to change your day purely because your disabled and feel you have more rights then yabu.

The OP is not wanting to change because of her health, this day off is a reasonable adjustment by occ health.

I know splitting the day wouldn't work for you, but what about her? Then she only needs drop off or pick up (which might be more achievable) rather than both.

I think your situ trumps hers to be honest
You have health issues presumably long term her child care is a short term issue I think she will just have to find alternative arrangements for that day like anyone else would have to.

You have that day already what makes her reasons any more important than yours? Nothing. So In my opinion it would be out of order for her to take your day off.

Stand your ground OP. She will get over it!

You have my sympathies OP - nobody is really being unreasonable, it's just a bit shitty that's it's been left for the two of you to deal with (I'm not sure I believe it's a manager wanting to be nice and let them sort it between themselves, it sounds more like avoiding a difficult situation for them to be honest).

Don't trial it - it will make things more difficult all around.

Disability is a protected characteristic under the Equality Act - being a parent isn't. It's h likely to come under sex/gender, and I'd be impressed if your colleague found a solicitor who would argue it for her (should it ever come to it!).

You have an OH report stating the recommendation for a day off and flexible working - does it specify a day particularly?

Your colleague has my sympathies too - rearranging or finding childcare is a huge issue and generally a difficult one at that. However, moving to a new role would usually require a new flexible working pattern to be decided upon, so yours should take precedent theoretically.

If it were me, I would bounce it back to management. If they send you back to OH, state it as you have here - that the midweek break is what enables you to do your job without time off.

I hope this works out okay for everyone, I understand it must be a difficult time.

I think that the new member of staff should have sorted out working days/ childcare before accepting the job. . I would stand my ground