parents - I just dont really enjoy spending time with them

[peaceout]

and yet they just carry on inviting themselves over to see me.

I'm a very quiet unsociable person, I choose to spend nearly all my time alone, but they seem to feel entitled to my time and energy and I resent it.

I'm not looking for a solution, just offloading and wondering if I'm alone in feeling like this?
(I know I'll be flamed for being unkind/ungrateful etc )

Facebook is a god-send in these situations. I only speak to my parents once or twice a week, and we only meet (alternating locations) three or four times a year. When people ask me if I get on with my parents, I answer "Yes because we live three hours apart". But we keep in touch through liking statuses on FB.

User above is probably correct. The parents have likely spent years hoping to be warmly welcomed by their daughter and it just has not happened and does not look like they ever will be welcomed. Even the most devoted parents will eventually get fed up with such a cold reception. It can be a release for the parents not to have to try to communicate with someone like OP, it would allow the parents to live their own life.
I hope OP is not back on here in the future stating how unreasonable her parents were that they did not leave her an inheritance!

There are a number of posters in here assuming that the parents are altruistic and hoping for a loving relationship. Given the o.p.s antipathy towards them it is not althogether likely that she is restraining herself from being pulled further into a loving and nurturing relationship.
Conditional relationships on the other hand are very hard work

It's not altruistic to think your child might not loathe the sight of you for no particular reason. It's not weird to hope for a loving relationship with your child.
And its not normal to think that a short visit from your parents twice a year is an onerous burden that is an unfair drain on your time.

Shewho

If you'd read the thread and really tried to understand the OP then you'd know that's just not going to happen (upset about inheritance).

user

If you'd read the thread and tried to understand the OP, you'd see that she does have reasons, but she does not want to share them on here. I don't blame her, given that some on AIBU seem to have very little sensitivity

Notyoda I have seen complaints from MNs before about lack of inheritance.
I am a different individual. I can not understand that anyone could be as distant and cold to the parents. Especially as she is a parent herself.
If she can be this cold to immediately family how is she to colleagues neighbours staff at supermarket etc

Shewho

Yes, so have I, but I really think that it's unlikely (and needlessly insulting) for this accusation to be levelled at the OP. It's also irrelevant to this thread

I see that there is some hostility towards me on here.
I'm thinking its because I present as a non conformist (ie solitary, introverted, not very family oriented) and those who are in line with mainstream norms feel the need to sanction and condemn those who are different?

how is she to colleagues neighbours staff at supermarket etc
normal I think....leastways none of these seem to realise that I am a threat to the fabric of society :o

I do get that many (possibly most?) people enjoy being part of a close knit family, but there are some who dont, who find it suffocating, intrusive and oppressive and want to keep a distance, not have intertwined lives.
Perhaps it is just more acceptable for men to behave like this?

I do have a relative who is not very pleasant but I have not gone to the same level as my relative or the OP on the odd time that person has been in contact. I have made welcome provided meal and over night stay while my relative continues to be nasty to others and me.
I put my polite face on and I dont think any animosity was seen from me.
I dont hate the relative. This is their way for their lifetime.
This is my experience. Perhaps others would have treated my relative differently in my shoes

Deckoff None of your scenarios fit with my experence as stated above. The relative is neither parent nor child to me.
I dont think families where there is animosity can be blamed totally on the mother. There seems to be a reluctance to see that some adult children can be difficult.

The more I hear about this here the more I realise I was lucky to get my parents.

I was very like this about my parents visiting. Hugely stressful. Massive resentment.

I had a bit of a mental health crisis about 18 months ago and ended up in therapy and aaaaaaall the crap from my childhood came out (and I did include both abuse and neglecr).

I had suppressed it all for years because a) it was so f*cking painful at the time I had never really acknowledged it and b) I believed the fairytale that other people spout about family/parents being important and that they care deeply for you (mine don't).

But 18 months ago all I could have expressed was a deep resentment/anger towards them when they turned up and expected me to play happy families with them as if my horrible experience of growing up with them had never happened.

I'm not sure what the 'stuff' is that you refer to in your past, OP, but you may find that it has affected you more deeply than you think it has.

I think people are making assumptions about you peaceout because they don't know your back story.

My parents died over 20 years ago, and MIL has alzheimers, so we don't have this problem. But before my parents died, and before MIL became ill I loved having them to stay.

So, from my point of view, I find it difficult to understand your antipathy towards your family. But, as I said before, you may well have very good reasons for not wanting to see them.

" I don't believe that people are born evil or shitty or determined not to have relationships with families. They get damaged, and at some point some begin to question and break off the cycles. Others don't, they just act out."

Exactly, deck. I tortured myself for guilt for 2 decades for not being able to get along with my family, spending time with them then coming home so riled and upset about their constant boundary violations and goading.

It took me until I was nearly 40 to understand that the problem wasn't me, all along.

People playing the 'ungrateful/uncaring child' card on me when I tried to make sense of things only made things 100 x harder and slowed down my ability to recover from this crap.

Oh, and to whoever mentioned inheritance...my parents are absolutely rolling in it and I was in line for a huge inheritance.

I don't care about it. They're not speaking to me now and I don't care if I've been written out of their will.

I DO NOT CARE ABOUT THEIR MONEY . I just wanted parents who loved me and looked after me properly.

Sorry, OP, I'm derailing.

YANBU. People don't develop these feelings for no reason. IME it's really easy for parents to turn up once their children are adults and don't need to be nurtured anymore and just expect a relationship that they never fostered.

If it feels wrong/uncomfortable then there is a reason for that.

The OP is entitled to behave as she wishes.
But I don't understand her need to discuss it - she could just tell her DPs she no longer wants to see them - the end.Why start a thread on it.

I feel for you op
I know this is hard.

Deckoff. Your assumption is wrong. I do know about my relative's life history. I am not the parent or child of the relative but I am related closely.
I am curious to know how one person in a group of people who have the same background could be such a difference to the others. This started at a very young age. I am not 'invested' what ever you mean by that in this person. I do not chase this person. I accept thsir choice to appear and disappear at their own will. I acted in a polite manner to a relative which is what I think people should do despite if the relative is good or bad.