I understand OP. My childhood was dysfunctional in that my mother was cold and couldn't show love towards me and clearly preferred my sister. My dad was emotionally immature and would beat me for the slightest reason and was overly critical e.g. if I got a B+ he'd be disappointed because I hadn't gotten an A. He didn't talk to me when I failed my driving test because he was disappointed. On top of this my brother was a violent bully and my parents did little if anything to protect me from his daily abuse.
When they retired they mellowed out (well dad did, mum is still a bit of a martyr and still couldn't handle saying 'I love you and giving me a hug, NC with brother).
When I became a parent my dad suddenly became worlds best dad. He wanted to call loads, come over loads offers to babysit when he can. He's great with DD and is the dad I the dad I needed as a child.
Despite them changing for the better I find myself quite cold to them. I sometimes get flashbacks of stuff that happened to me. I get annoyed when he/they call. I try to limit the amount of time they spend here otherwise I begin to get anxious and cross. I try to avoid going to my childhood home as I want to put that phase of my life behind me. I'm very happy now. I try to maintain regular contact to make feel like I'm part of a normal family and to make myself feel like less of a psychopath and less guilty for not being a good adult DD but they annoy me and I don't need or want them but I do love them and wish I didn't feel like this. It's quite confusing to me.
I learnt from a young age that they wouldn't be there for me emotionally and I learnt to be very emotionally independent. I love having people around me and have loads of friends but I don't need them and I don't allow people deep in other than DH and DD.
I get quite cross when on the rare occasion I tell people that I'm not particular close to my family and they say crap such as 'you're so cold Cap, I talk to my mum 5 times a day and we go on holidays together'. It's totally insensitive and shitty. Some families are very complicated.
A friend told me she used to work in an old people's home and some of the old folk would never have visitors and would complain that their kids had abandoned them. After they'd die the kids would turn up and tell their version of events. Would often turn out that the sweet old lady or man was actually a pretty shitty parent. You're kids don't owe you anything as hey never asked to be born and if you don't treat them properly don't expect them to forget about it.
I sometimes find myself getting anxious at the thought that there may be expectations that I will help look after them when they're old and frail. Although I would help pay for their care and visit them I don't think I could offer much more than that. But I do love them.