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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this person was rude?

169 replies

youcometomyhouse · 13/05/2017 16:30

Someone DH works with showed up unexpectedly at our house at dinner time. We ignored the door because we weren't expecting anyone but he knocked repeatedly over a 15 minute period. When we still didn't answer he walked around to the back door. DH invited him in despite the fact it was dinner time!

He only wanted a cup of tea and a chat with DH, nothing important.

AIBU to think this is rude?

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 15/05/2017 00:17

And back in the 80s, I don't remember people randomly popping in on a regular basis. My friend did once and it was very uncomfortable

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 15/05/2017 00:19

The other thing is that you can switch off a mobile/computer and not be bothered by it if you want to. So you have some level of control over who contacts you and when.

Not so much for randomers popping in because it's convenient for them

limitedperiodonly · 15/05/2017 00:20

How many times do people drop in unannounced on you Livia?

For me, In the last six weeks it's been two people and I live in a busy area and am at home a lot. One person was a delivery man who'd got the wrong address and the other one was a a neighbour asking if I wanted to join the residents' association.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 15/05/2017 00:24

They don't because they know they won't be let in

The doorbell goes once or twice a week - I live in a flat in a very badly marked area so people get confused over which flat their mate lives in.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 15/05/2017 00:24

I should clarify - people who know me don't drop in

Random people ring my doorbell and can sod off

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 15/05/2017 00:26

And Confused at snarky comments about 'making an appointment'

Annahibiscuits · 15/05/2017 00:29

See all that bullshit on Facebook about 'there is always someone listening', is just bullshit isn't it. No one is interested

limitedperiodonly · 15/05/2017 00:34

Where do you live that random people ring your doorbell a lot Livia? I'm amazed. I live in central London and work from home it's been two people in the last six weeks.

I could die and the neighbours wouldn't report the smell for ages.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 15/05/2017 00:36

Plenty of people are listening. We can talk to anyone in the world. It's just not necessary to physically be in their presence to do so. And actually my best friend and I are constantly messaging - we meet up but not that often

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 15/05/2017 00:38

A lot of my neighbours are young lads - they tend to have mates turning up (usually shitfaced from the sound of it) - they often ring my doorbell instead of the one the other side of the communal front door.

limitedperiodonly · 15/05/2017 00:40

How many people have come round to your house unexpectedly in the last month Livia?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 15/05/2017 00:43

why all the questions? I have already answered them anyway.

And why does my ignoring the door bother you?

limitedperiodonly · 15/05/2017 00:46

Oh x-post Livia You now say you have annoying pissed up laddish neighbours.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 15/05/2017 00:49

Why the third degree? I do things differently to you - that's allowed you know...

As for 'you now say' Hmm

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 15/05/2017 00:50

But yes I'm sure you are absolutely right. My anxiety isn't important and I should welcome every randomer with open arms, feed them and send them on their way....

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 15/05/2017 00:51

Even before I had dickhead neighbours i didn't answer the door. I don't have to, it's not compulsory, so I choose not to.

KeepingitReal2 · 15/05/2017 06:26

It's the culture in England to not turn up uninvited not the same everywhere though..
where I'm from (ethnically) it's normal to get random visitors at any time and always leave the door open for them, offer them food or drink...
I would have just answered the door and checked if it was an emergency with that look on my face to say please don't do this again...

sadsquid · 15/05/2017 20:22

Back in the 80s, before mobile phones, me and my DP would have two or three popper-inners
most weekday evenings - it's just what you did. They would turn up with wine etc and just pass the time before leaving to pop in on someone else.

This never happened to my family in the 80s!

This is just one of those things. Some people like it, some hate it. Some places have a culture of dropping in, some don't. If you (general you, not a specific poster) like it, that's lovely! Have a nice time dropping in on people who also like it! Let your friends know you welcome it at your house! It's not sad or weird for people to dislike it, though. And since lots of people prefer advance warning, it's a good idea to establish that it's OK with specific people before making a habit of dropping in on them.

Not rocket science, surely.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 16/05/2017 04:55

@IloveagoodBrussel
I would imagine anyone with the social ineptitude to continue knocking at a door for 15 mins then go round the back to gain entry would have absolutely no self-awareness in regards to how they have made themselves look, or how they have affected their unwilling hosts. So no, I don't suppose for one second that he was mortified or even slightly embarrassed!

I have a few friends who don't mind popper-inners, but they do prefer a bit of an early warning, even if it's a phonecall from 5 minutes away.
One friend though needed a minimum of an hour's warning, so they could tidy the house into a passable state. I didn't care, but they did and that's what mattered. So I never turned up at short notice at their house because they hated that.

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