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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this person was rude?

169 replies

youcometomyhouse · 13/05/2017 16:30

Someone DH works with showed up unexpectedly at our house at dinner time. We ignored the door because we weren't expecting anyone but he knocked repeatedly over a 15 minute period. When we still didn't answer he walked around to the back door. DH invited him in despite the fact it was dinner time!

He only wanted a cup of tea and a chat with DH, nothing important.

AIBU to think this is rude?

OP posts:
Bubblesagain · 13/05/2017 17:53

They were having dinner - a communal thing
It's not a communal thing though, op clearly wanted a private dinner with her family.

Yanbu op cant believe he wouldn't leave after the first knock Confused

PuppyMonkey · 13/05/2017 17:57

I think he was a bit weird and so were you.

I get the popper inners hate, but it's weird to totally ignore persistent knocking without just checking it's not something very important. Weren't you the slightest bit curious? Confused

Ditsy1980 · 13/05/2017 18:02

I think you've both been a bit weird here.

Popper in has been rude by knocking constantly and then coming round the back. If I knocked and no answer I would leave.

Equally, I don't answer the door if I'm not expecting anyone however a repeated knock would make me check incase it was important.

Did you stay while he had a cuppa and chat with dh? Maybe he's having a bad time and it was important for him to talk? Are you sure dh hasn't told him to pop in anytime he needs a chat? It's all a bit odd.

limitedperiodonly · 13/05/2017 18:06

WTF? If someone was knocking for 15 minutes I'd start to wonder whether my house was on fire and open the door just to find out. If they are bailiffs you should never ask them in. It's your basic vampire rule

high5sportsnutrition · 13/05/2017 18:10

Was it one of those really awkward situations whereby you initially ignore the door in the hope that the person goes away but then when it becomes apparent that they aren't going to go away it then becomes excruciatingly embarrassing to actually go and open the door as they will wonder where you were all that time!

As for dinner being communal it is only so when in fact the persons attending have been invited Smile.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 13/05/2017 18:13

YNBU.

I hate people coming to my house too. In fact, I have been known to hide be suddenly unavailable when family are visiting and want to 'just drop in on us'.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 13/05/2017 18:16

I get the popper inners hate, but it's weird to totally ignore persistent knocking without just checking it's not something very important. Weren't you the slightest bit curious

Not necessarily. I have bad anxiety. I wont open the door to people im not expecting. My friends and family have a system, where they'll ring me first and if I dont answer then it's a certain knock so I will know it's them. If it's not that knock. I'm not answering no matter how long you're stood there.

EweAreHere · 13/05/2017 18:16

I would always check to see who is at the door, even if I don't open it. Too many neighbours with children around me who I would hope would come to me if there was something wrong, etc. My children know to go to particularly neighbours' homes as well in an emergency. Grown ups around here have all said the same thing...

Yes, rude for knocking for 15 minutes. But to not even check who it is ... for me, that would be troubling.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 13/05/2017 18:18

Dinner isn't communal though is it? Well a dinner party is but tea at home with your family isn't.

But if I had a popper inner tonight, there wouldn't have been enough turkey drummers to go around Grin

Trb17 · 13/05/2017 18:27

Very rude. I'd have answered the back door angrily and said we weren't answering the front door for a reason and sent him on his way. What he did was so ignorant and rude! Angry

Lemonnaise · 13/05/2017 19:02

Why are people not answering their door to unexpected visitors? What's that all about? Very strange to sit through dinner and someone knocking on the door for 15 mins.

Sugarformyhoney · 13/05/2017 19:04

I think it's really rude and a bit odd not answering the door when peiple can see you are in. Far better to answer and say it's not a good time

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 13/05/2017 19:04

Why is it rude to ignore the door? It's your home, if you don't want people turning up then it's not rude to ignore them.

For various reasons I would never answer the door in my home to an unexpected person

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 13/05/2017 19:05

It's rude to turn up unexpectedly - if you are knocking and can tell they are in, manners surely mean that you leave as they are, ya know, not answering the door?

limitedperiodonly · 13/05/2017 19:05

Why don't people open the door? I get it if you're in a witness protection programme, but don't understand why else.

Ten minutes ago there was a faint knock at the door. By the time I heard it the person was halfway on his way. He was a Deliveroo man with a takeaway who wanted next door.

Though I have to wonder why people like him rap on the door with their knuckles. There is a perfectly good door knocker. Use it.

DeadGood · 13/05/2017 19:06

"They were having dinner - a communal thing - it didn't need to be an issue, you open the door, say 'hi, we're in the middle of dinner, come in and have a drink/ dinner: join us/whatever'"

Um... what if you didn't want to include anyone else in your dinner? What if you didn't have enough? What if you couldn't afford to feed every idiot person who decides to knock on the door at dinnertime? What if you were having something slightly inappropriate for a group gathering, like leftovers from a couple days ago, that you didn't particularly feel like eating in front of a work colleague?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 13/05/2017 19:08

Why don't people open the door

For the same reason they sometimes don't answer the phone - just because someone wants to get hold of you, doesn't give them the automatic right to do so.

Anyone knocking on my door doesn't know me so I have no reason to answer it

limitedperiodonly · 13/05/2017 19:11

I don't understand why people don't answer the phone either

DeadGood · 13/05/2017 19:12

"I think it's far ruder to totally ignore the door when you are clearly in than to pop to the door and say "Sorry, now's not a good time for visitors"."

I disagree.

And you didn't address my point about having to show your face at the door. There are so many reasons why I might not wish to open the door - especially to my partner's work colleague FFS! I might be dressed comfortably but skimpily, not having expected to be seen that day. I might not have washed my hair or put on makeup. I might have just had an alcoholic drink, or eaten something pungent, and not want to be in close quarters with acquaintances.

I genuinely don't get how people live in this state of perpetual "visitor-readiness". I am quite high maintenance and I like to look good, smell good, feel prepared etc when I leave the house. People randomly knocking on the door offends me for this reason. I have a right to have a private life.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 13/05/2017 19:15

Because it can be intrusive to have someone wanting to speak to you without prior notice

Poisongirl81 · 13/05/2017 19:18

He should have just said not a good time

limitedperiodonly · 13/05/2017 19:24

Anyone knocking on my door doesn't know me so I have no reason to answer it

Half a mo. My mum used to knock on my door. I definitely knew her. She also had keys but thought it was more polite to knock. However, if I had left her on the doorstep she'd have gained entry to check that I wasn't lying face down in a pool of my own vomit. Same with me round her house.

She's not here any more but I still get unexpected callers that I know. Like my neighbour who knocked this week to say that he was planning some building work next month and say that if there were any problems I should knock on his door and tell him.

That was very kind of him. Of course, I could have just ignored him and in a couple of weeks' time posted: AIBU? My cunt of a neighbour is having building works and hasn't told me.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 13/05/2017 19:27

in which case she knew you and knew it was okay.

Anyone who knows me well enough knows I don't welcome visitors without prior arrangement - therefore if some knob knocks on my door, I figure they probably don't have anything for me to open the door for Grin

HildaOg · 13/05/2017 19:27

He was very rude although I would have answered the door sooner in case something had happened to one of the neighbours, my car was on fire etc.... And then given out to him for causing a disturbance.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 13/05/2017 19:28

limited Not sure how the situations are comparable. My parents would never turn up unexpectedly (despite living in the same town and spending time with them a lot) because they know me better!