To think SAHM should get priority over childminders at busy toddler groups?

[HulkMama]

Just wondering how people feel about childminders taking groups of children to a free toddler group that routinely turns stay at home mums away because they are full?

It's a church run group so they don't want to turn anyone away, I get that, but if there isn't room for everyone should childminders be taking up the places that parents with their own kids need?

Childminders are being paid to look after the kids! I just want to get out of the house and have a bit of adult conversation!

Comments from childminders welcome. 😉

want2bsupermum 🤣🤣🤣🤣 oooh.. look at you, demanding!!!!!

You've completely missed the point my love. The OP is a new mum who is miffed about people with large numbers of charges monopolising.

Not really an easy one to resolve, but I'm sure you remember that not everything is easy or perfect when you're at home with a small baby.

But do carry on, charge round and 'demand'. I'll look forward to the thread 👏👏👏👏

what was the point of this thread really?
You had an answer, turn up 15 minutes early, at first you couldn't possibly do that, couldn't do it with your child and now its because you don't want to leave another person out?
It has limited spaces! There will always be someone not able to get in!
No, cm shouldn't have to be second.
Why should the kids of working parents not get to go to these groups?

bbc I've now had 3DC and went back to work when my babies were 16, 8 and 24 weeks. These groups have been great for my kids to attend with their CM. It's incredibly simple, you arrive early if you want a spot. You miss it, that's life with a newborn and I went to the cafe where many had lunch afterwards.

I'm also odd I guess because I really do not care if someone is a CM or the actual parent. Hopefully everyone is on the same page and working towards the goal of raising the DC to be the best people possible.

Hulk I think your opinions need to shift a whole lot more when it comes to how you think of CMs. What you think is that you are more important than CMs. You aren't. You are equal to them. As your a new parent I'd like to suggest you befriend them. They have far more experience and education in dealing with young DC than the vast majority of parents.

want2besupermum I demand you read the whole thread!

Lol.

When I had DC and we saw the Health Visitor, right at the beginning, I had to do an Edinburgh Score check to see if I was showing signs of PND. She always used to ask how I was feeling, and stressed the importance of getting out and about for my own benefit, and building a support network of other mums. There's just been a mental health awareness day I believe specifically focusing on maternal mental health. It's not a handful of mums feeling a bit down, it's a really significant number of mums having a range of mental health issues as a result of having a child.

I really don't believe anyone on this thread has said that mums are more important than CMs. But surely people can relate on at least some level to a woman who previously went out to work and then has her life turned on its head by having a child. She is now at home on mat leave or as a SAHM and finds getting out of the house a struggle, all her friends are at work and it's just her and a baby at home trying to fill the days but exhausted from the nights, and she wants to just go and speak to another person, and be able to talk about her experiences with someone who has been there or is going through the same.

I would like my child to benefit from going to play group, and thankfully we can, but if the only play group in the area decided to prioritise new mums/young mums/mums who don't speak English then I would think that was fair enough because if spaces are limited they should, in my opinion, go to the people who need them most. Yes, it would be a real shame for all those children who couldn't go, but personally I don't think that's as much of a shame as it would be if lots of children were at home with struggling parents who just needed that place to go.

joanramone This is absolutely what I mean by some people needing a group more than others.

I'm not arguing in favour of discriminating against children who go to a cm and recieve all the benefits of spending all day with an experienced childcare provider. I'm asking for the inclusion of families just starting out who are inexperienced, emotionally vulnerable and are currently being turned away and told to just do better, be more organised, be more efficient with their time and energy. (Just be earlier. Just travel further. Just make friends with people who already have their own routines and friendship groups.)

I don't think that cms are necessarily out sourcing their work (although i have seen this happen) but they are using a resource that duplicates some of the benefits that their mindees get at the cms home.

That said I can see a huge benefit to cms attending toddler groups when there is room for everyone. The question remains: is there a better solution?

The better solution is for more people to volunteer to run and fundraise so that the groups can run for more hours and/or take more per session, and everyone can get a session - yes, you might get turned away, but then you get guaranteed admission to the next session of your choice because there are enough sessions to match demand (just the odd pinch point).

It is a case where the solution is very much in the hands of the community. Even if you can't run a group yourself, you could fundraise or carry out an admin role, or any of the other things that keep them going (and allow them to expand)

And of course for the just starting out/inexperienced/vulnerable, you might be looking not at toddler groups, but at more specific parent/baby groups (often run by HVs) which really are totally separate in terms of attendance, activities and likely level of support.

What Farahilda said. And if it's about the need for the mother to get out and get some company, you don't actually have to have a place at a community hall or something: the group could equally meet in the park or at people's houses, on a rota.

I started a group for coffee mornings when ds was little, ran for years and was very successful, met some lovely people. Didn't cost anything apart from a cup of coffee.

Apologies if it wasn't you op but doesn't your church run 3 sessions a week? If so then there could be one for cms,one for parents and one first come first served?

I don't think it's about parents being superior (I don't think that's how you come over either op)or their children more deserving, just that the needs of SAHPs/new mothers are different to child minders. Our local children's centre recognises this and runs separate sessions, the two groups I regularly go to aren't full so it doesn't matter as much. There is a church one with quite limited places that I went on the waiting list for when ds was born 3.5 years ago. It is made up entirely of cms who have stayed through the coming and going of mindees over years and no one else has had a look in- the have essentially made the group a cm only one.

Maryann At our group the volunteers aren't there to wipe noses, intervene etc and the cm are there to work. It has been my experience however that some of them mainly chat and a few use it as an opportunity for selling(a few do catalogue stuff)and from this and other threads i'm not alone in this. I've had to wipe plenty of noses and sort out snacks for mindees.

My sure start centre had too many at toddler group, so they ran 2, one for childminders and one for stay at home parents/grandparents. Seems fair enough.
The only problem with this was my friend had her own daughter and child minded another girl, she wasn't allowed to go to the sahm one and I wasn't allowed to the child minders one. So we couldn't meet each other