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Original poster

Quads and homeless

162 replies

viques · 10/05/2017 23:13

homeless, alcoholic,on benefits , two rounds of IVF and FOUR fertilised eggs implanted. honestly, I have checked and I do not have a big enough pair of judgey pants.

He already has three adult children , and says he wil give up alcohol "when the children come home." OMG.

OP posts:
spiney · 12/05/2017 11:08

Mum- Spoiling for a fight....Biscuit

You should have seen me after a few weeks with one newborn. Four premature babies. Jeez I would have been fighting anything! Not a few cross words on the sofa like we saw.

Boringly ( it doesn't make a tasty story) the babies were well cared for and with lots of love and affection. Bet the program producers were tearing their hair out.....

Oh and we didn't see Dad on any drink fuelled binges .... oh no just chatting to some mates and er.....looking at a beer can in his bed sit. And giving some experienced help. And trying to do better. Boring again.

Wait ! they took the babies to the park. To get some sun.

Irish relatives over. Lovely, affectionate, supportive. Dam, Dam , Dam.

Luckily Mum had been in an abusive arranged marriage before her 10 year current relationship. Phew ! At least we can get going on her parents with that one. They clearly intended that to happen. What with them being all supportive and letting her bring her 4 prem babies home and helping her and loving the babies and everything.

Economically I have no idea what the future will hold for these people but the babies are here now and I wish them them the best of luck.

( Better luck than the producers of this program)

DeeDooDee · 12/05/2017 11:17

Spiney Good post. It's reminds me of old wobbly head Kevin MacCloud who seems most perplexed when a building project on Grand Designs goes to plan. There was one where the couple building the house stuck to their budget and time frame and didn't fall out with each other. It was totally drama free. It was funny watching Kevin try to find an angle.

I watched the Quads and Homeless show and thought the babies looked happy, healthy and loved. That really is the most important thing.

TheGentleMoose · 12/05/2017 11:24

@spiney Have you considered that this was actually what Ch4 were looking for as it's part of their mental health week series? Perhaps they didn't actually want to batter down people who are homeless or experiencing substance misuse difficulties?

spiney · 12/05/2017 11:26

@TheGentleMoose No I hadn't. Very good point. Positive to see positives in this situation.

spiney · 12/05/2017 11:36

Moose- maybe not 'batter people down ' but fulfil predictable expectations.

malificent7 · 12/05/2017 11:37

I quite liked the couple. Ok... their circumstances werent great but i rekon those babies will be the making of them (mostly her). I thought she was a good mum.

Teddy1970 · 12/05/2017 11:45

In the UK if you're over 40, you can have 3 embryos transferred, this is in private clinics though, not sure about NHS and yes, you have to fill out and sign "welfare of the child" form.

TheGentleMoose · 12/05/2017 12:03

@spiney yes - your wording is a much better way of putting it.

I haven't seen anything else that has been aired as part of the mental health awareness week yet but I am going to try and watch some over the weekend.

I'm still really confused as to why nobody mentioned the 'welfare of the child' form to us.

JanetBrown2015 · 12/05/2017 12:25

The couple weren't homeless as everyone could see when they watched the programme which for that reason was probably a breach of trade descriptions! However it was a lovely programme and the quads will be well looked after. They got more attention from more adults than from many of us on here who work full time and have a ratio of fewer adults per baby!

I suspect both parents had mental health issues - actually more so the mother than the alcoholic father. If the father could get a full time job they could probably then rent a flat locally. That is probably going to be more likely than moving back to Ireland which i doubt the mother would ultimately agree to but we shall see. I hope they do a follow up.

As for whether they should have had IVF that's a difficult one for everyone. The father already had children so usually that means no IVF unless you can pay for it.

TheGentleMoose · 12/05/2017 12:30

"The couple weren't homeless "

Actually. Yes they were. People experiencing homelessness do not have to be living on the streets.

JanetBrown2015 · 12/05/2017 12:47

If that is homeless ness wow - no wond erht ecountry is in an economic mess. I live with 3 adult sons. Do those 3 count as homeless! Across the road are my neighbours -Indian grandparents, two parents, 2 adult children . Are 4 of those people homeless?

UrsulaPandress · 12/05/2017 12:47

So what is homeless then?

TheGentleMoose · 12/05/2017 12:49

@JanetBrown2015 Not really sure what you view as homelessness but the correct definitions include the following:

  • you have no home where you can live together with your immediate family
  • you can only stay where you are on a very temporary basis
  • you don't have permission to live where you are
  • you have been locked out of home and you aren't allowed back
  • you can't live at home because of violence or abuse or threats of violence or abuse, which are likely to be carried out against you or someone else in your household
  • it isn't reasonable for you to stay in your home for any reason (for example, if your home is in very poor condition)
  • you can't afford to stay where you are
  • you live in a vehicle or boat and you have nowhere to put it
Gallavich · 12/05/2017 13:36

They were not homeless. The dad had a long term tenancy in a bedsit. Stable and secure accommodation. She and the babies lived with her parents. Also stable and secure.
They were not homeless

TheGentleMoose · 12/05/2017 14:35

@Gallavich

Neither meant they could live with their immediate families though so technically they were homeless. Father couldn't live with his children and his partner, and his partner couldn't live with her partner.

Gallavich · 12/05/2017 15:11

Would the local authority have accepted a duty to house them based on their current circumstances? I highly doubt it.

TheGentleMoose · 12/05/2017 15:25

Definition by Shelter, the local authority should have of course accepted that they needed a home together. Even if they didn't it doesn't make this family homed.

Gallavich · 12/05/2017 15:50

Is the definition the actual legal definition though?

tigerskinrug · 12/05/2017 15:53

Aynur's parents support kept the quads in a good place. There is something so child like about both her and Tony, I couldn't believe she was 43. She talks like a girl in her teens. If they live alone Tony will go back to the drink. I would question how supportive Tony's family will be (as nice as they seem) if they only met the quads when they were 5 months. They live a one hour flight away, not across the world.

Janey50 · 12/05/2017 18:24

I watched this last night when it was repeated,but I must have missed the bit about the arranged,abusive marriage? I remember them saying that her parents' marriage was an arranged one,but don't recall anything about the quads' mum being sent away to get married at 16? Also,although I didn't really warm to the quads' dad, (think it was the alcoholism,having been in a relationship with one myself,thankfully now dry for quite a while,I found it difficult to sympathise). BUT.... I do think he was trying to do his best under very difficult circumstances,and I too,thought it rude when her family spoke in Turkish in his presence. But then I do have a bit of a bee in my bonnet about this,having been on the receiving end of it myself.

Janey50 · 12/05/2017 18:27

Oh and I do hope they do a follow up to this! I am interested to know whether they did end up moving to Ireland to live with Tony's mum.

Kellyb2582 · 12/05/2017 19:54

I think people are very Judgy, just because that man drinks does not mean he loves them babies any less than a man who doesn't & im sure they didn't expect all the embryos to work. The mum & dad looked like they we're trying their best and the babies looked very happy & healthy. Just because they didn't have their own home doesn't mean they don't deserve a family too. Lots of couples live with parents the title didn't help I don't think.

DeeDooDee · 12/05/2017 20:14

I think you can be judgey about an alcoholic who chooses to have children and doesn't try to do anything about their alcoholism. I think you have a duty towards your DC to be as healthy as you can within reason.

Kellyb2582 · 12/05/2017 21:52

I think he did try n stop but because her family was so rude to him n then kicked him out cos he didn't fit into their culture he then just thought sod it and drank whilst her was sat at home on his own in his flat without his family, he said how heart broken he was and he literally couldn't do anything about the way her family treated him n kept him away from his babies. Dads love their babies as much as their mums do & I think she felt that she had no other choice but to respect her parents wishes as she needed a roof over her head and help with the babies, the poor women must of been knacked, I am with one never mind 4!!! I'm not saying he is an angel but I think he really tried but he was fighting a loosing battle with her family, drinker or not. I really hope they did go and live with his family and he managed to keep sober and he n his family are all happy and healthy.

JanetBrown2015 · 12/05/2017 22:21

He does try to do something. He's been to rehad twice and he stopped a lot of his drinking when the babies came.

(Yes the mother too had an arranged marriage at 16 but her husband bit her every day so she came back to the UK. I am not sure if she is divorced or not from her husband)

Homeless for me means without a home. My adult sons are not homeles because they live with me. We are a family and live together as many many families do.

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