Quads and homeless

[viques]

homeless, alcoholic,on benefits , two rounds of IVF and FOUR fertilised eggs implanted. honestly, I have checked and I do not have a big enough pair of judgey pants.

He already has three adult children , and says he wil give up alcohol "when the children come home." OMG.

Well obviously they had the IVF abroad. Surely that was clear?

The mother and her parents will do just fine raising those kids if she can ditch the loser.

2014 a typically cunty statement. How are they the 'type to keep breeding' when it took them 13 years and IVF to have the babies they have? And why would you wish they get taken into care? They just need to be raised by their mum and her family and they will be fine. I would hope the mum will have her mind made up about him when she has 4 kids to consider and not just herself. Sure if she insists on staying with him her parents would step in and raise them if necessary.

I've only got 1/4 of the way through but I am sure there will have been social services involvement and the couple will have been monitored whilst caring for the babies in SCBU. I suspect that because it involves minors and may end up at family court they cannot air these parts on TV.

Also, did they actually transfer four embryos or did they transfer two which split? I haven't seen anything that says they transferred four embryos. The lady had tried for over ten years to have a baby - so she would have met the NHS criteria for IVF in North London.

As I said I am only 1/4 of the way through so don't want to comment further; I definitely think we have to tread very carefully if we start saying they shouldn't have add IVF - where do we draw the line? Do we start screening all couples who attend for IVF for previous mental health difficulties, medical conditions or addictions?

He doesn't inspire me with confidence ..lots of talk about how he wants to be a support but all said while surrounded by beer cans.

What he said about beer being "a friend" touched me. I had a short relationship with an alcoholic...he was dry when I met him but started drinking again almost immediately we met (huge issues about relationships).

I didn't remain with him but he also said the same thing about beer being a "friend". His words were "when times are hard you turn to familiar friends". Very sad.

She is flogging a dead horse trying to keep that relationship going to be honest.

She needs to just focus on those babies.

@thegentlemoose. You are screened already for ivf for mental health and other health issues and have to have a gp report recommending you. I know someone who was turned down on those grounds.
So that's the norm already. It's quite a process to even get approved for ivf. That couple would not get approved in the UK.

I thought this was the cake troll going for their next big hit

She's more of an idiot than him. Very selfish to bring children into that situation!

I have to say, I don't think the parents attitude is helpful at all.

@2014newme None of this was mentioned to us when we were discussing IVF - so perhaps it is limited to parts of the country. Not sure at what stage it wold have been discussed but we were given a referral.

Exactly! She made crap decisions choosing to have babies when homeless with an alcoholic. She can't be trusted to keep the babies safe they would be better off with new parents but it's politically incorrect to say idiots shouldn't have loaf's of kids with other idiots with drink problems when they have nowhere to live.

Neither of them came across as nice people, he's a waste of space and she appears to be some kind of shouty fish wife, her parents are seething with resentment and anger towards the dad. What a toxic atmosphere for those poor babies.
Bloody irresponsible of those two to have Ivf.

Blimey! Will watch online when home. Better have my judgy pants at the ready by the sound of it!

Just watched the chat upstairs.

Interesting that the daughter only raised her voice just after the mother had appeared with the baby. To me it came across as a nice chat beforehand, and then berating him when she thinks her mother can hear.

I think the mother of the quads is always going to take the side of her parents, which is a bit shit for the bloke, but as overbearing as her parents are I think they'd give the quads the best chance at a stable home-life. Social Services must be involved, no way this set-up would not be on their radar.

I think we also forget that no parenting has to be perfect but it does have to be "good enough" and maybe it's been judged as "good enough" with the stabilising influence of her parents...or of his wider family. We don't know the background of how things were assessed but I can al it's guarantee they will have been assessed,

It might be that in Ireland they get lots of support from his family who seemed very warm and welcoming

Does anyone know if they did actually move to ireland? I think they would have a better chance as his family seemed willing to support both of them.

I thought the mum was picking fights a bit but to be fair I was a bit of a picky bitch when my babies where tiny too, sleep deprivation makes you a bit nuts.

I can understand why Granny and Grandad didn't like the son in law, however as someone mentioned, they left their daughter in an abusive marriage aged 16. I think they lost the moral high ground.

Its a complex situation but since I am going to the hassle of looking up the show the next morning proves that it was pretty compelling tv.

They weren't homeless though. He had a bedsit which was secure and she lived with her parents.
As a couple they didn't have suitable accommodation but they weren't homeless. Plenty of women live with their parents when they are raising young kids, especially from more traditional cultures like Turkish Cypriots.

They are not responsible people no, not to bring those four babies into the world with no jobs, no homes, alcoholism etc etc BUT

And it's a big BUT- there was nothing to show that those babies were not being cared for really really well. And that the people around them were treating those babies with affection and love. Including the dad.

In fact nothing eventful happened! It was just the gruelling ( organised) round of feeding changing sleeping washing in a very clean but cramped space.

The mother was thin ( but jeez!!!!!) but " a shouty fishwife" . No I don't think so. amazingly good spirited I thought. She had been with alcoholic Dad for 10 years.

Loving relatives from Ireland over, inviting them to live with them. Inviting her parents over to visit anytime. Telling her she was a lovely Mum.

No sorry none of the Jeremy Kyle-ishness everyone predicting.

You say they 'left their daughter in an abusive relationship' but she's back isn't she? We don't know what they did or didn't do/know then. The woman said she wanted an arranged marriage at the time. Lots of judgement and assumptions going on here.

I'm a social worker and to me that set up would not ping our radar. If she and he set up home together with the kids it might do but possibly not if they were near the grandparents and they were seeing plenty of them to monitor.
The babies were fine. Cared for by lots of loving family members. The dad had limited contact and only when sober. All as it should be under those circumstances.

At 16 though?!! I mean I know it's traditional for them but...it just strikes me as such a huge risk to your child- an arranged marriage to someone who turned out to be abusive in a country far from home (presume they lived in the U.K. at the time as I think the woman said she was 'sent' to Cyprus)

@Gallavich She accepted an arranged marriage because she wanted to do things the way that her parent's culture dictated - she did not want an abusive marriage. It is very hard to get out of an arranged marriage, even when there is abuse involved.

Channel 4 and Channel 5 and their poverty porn really works on some don't it ?

Oh the OUTRAGE . Just what these shitty programmes want .

Slow handclap ..

Yeah it sounds awful to our ears but to them it's probably completely normal. The grandmother didn't look much older than 60 so probably a young mum herself, and an arranged marriage.

I know that it's hard to get out of an arranged marriage. You don't know why she accepted it though do you ? She said she wanted a Turkish marriage because that's her culture. Don't extrapolate she was only going along with her Parents' wishes because she didn't say that.
Point I'm making is that by English standards sending your daughter off to live with a stranger at 16 is a terrible thing to do but under their cultural norms it is not, and we don't know how much they did or didn't know about the abuse. And she came home, so they must have helped her out at some point.

Gallavich - Its you doing the extrapolating assuming her parents helped her leave that marriage.

What is true is a that she was in an arranged abusive marriage in another country when still a minor. How can her parents not be held accountable for that?

I agree Heyho, I saw far worse set ups than that when I was a health visitor. She was doing the right things..she was clear with him that he needed to stop drinking, I don't think she will keep him long term if he continues to drink.

The babies seemed to be very well cared for...thriving. All adults were affectionate with them which is very very vital for brain growth and development.

I am wondering if they went to Ireland and how it worked out for them there.