Quads and homeless

[viques]

homeless, alcoholic,on benefits , two rounds of IVF and FOUR fertilised eggs implanted. honestly, I have checked and I do not have a big enough pair of judgey pants.

He already has three adult children , and says he wil give up alcohol "when the children come home." OMG.

I actually felt a bit sorry for the dad. They were awful to him.the parents were rude as hell, ina picked fights left right and centre.

Especially when he was feeding the baby they were all talking in their other language and she was winding him up asking about dinner then no one would answer him...

I get why they would be worried but he didn't drink in their home and he appeared to be trying it's as if they were trying to drive him.away so they could prove themselves right.

His family on the other hand seemed lovely and I hoped when they hugged and greeted her she would see just how unwelcome they were making him feel.

He really should seek help though he's deluding himself if he thinks he can give up when babies come home etc

The mum needs more support to cope on her own

It's not about giving a toss or not, it's about thresholds for intervention and evidence of harm.

The father was on ESA for a health issue and the mother will be on income support/equivalent for at least 5 years. They have separate households and finances.

@MumIsRunningAMarathon The Dad has a thyroid issue, and alcoholism.

Just to point out that this is on C4 as part of mental health awareness week...

They werent homeless though... they had a roof over their head.
Oh i see... they dont have a mortgage. Cant be suitable then!

Sorry but I really have to flag these...
definitely think we have to tread very carefully if we start saying they shouldn't have add IVF - where do we draw the line? Do we start screening all couples who attend for IVF for previous mental health difficulties, medical conditions or addictions?
and
IVF clinics don't set themselves up as moral arbiters vetting parents. They treat a medical condition. The only 'report' you will get from your GP will be a medical one which will mention any conditions which might be relevant regarding caring for a child.

British IVF clinics require all patients AND their partners to complete a 'welfare of the child' form before they undergo treatment. This is mandated by the HFEA
You can see the questions they ask here www.hfea.gov.uk/docs/Welfare_of_the_child_Aug_2010.pdf but it clearly requires you to state if you have any physical or mental health problems, AND if you have any drug or alcohol problems

If you answer yes to any question, or if the doctors treating you suspect you have lied on the form, they are required to state so in the section of the form they have to complete.
Non-compliance would lead to potentially losing their license

And this form is in addition to any selection criteria the local CCGs will have before you can get NHS funding for IVF. They will exclude anyone with certain conditions and addictions, as well as being overweight.

There is no way this woman was treated at a UK clinic. UK law allows a maximum of 2 embryos to be transferred to anyone under 40, although there will be cases of 2 embryos being put back and then splitting into 2 to become identical twins, so 4 is theoretically possible (but didn't happen in this case)

Nobody knows the grandparents financial situation either, or whether the mum was working prior to having the babies. If mum has been working and living at her parents for the last 20 years she may have had plenty of money for IVF abroad.

The grandparents are hardly good role models considering they arranged their sixteen year old daughters marriage to an abusive man who beat her

I wonder if they will do a follow up programme, I was expecting an update at the end of the programme.

Parking the IVF morals to one side for a moment

I felt really sorry for them as a family. Her family obviously with huge back story had issues with him, but they were backing their daughter into a corner and pushing her away their only option was to go to Ireland. I didn't like how the grandparents dismissed him over the kids, but because they all knew they hated each other they all bite quicker. She desperately just wanted her parents approval
I hope they make it together, there was a lot of love for those kids.

I get the feeling if he had been a turkish alcoholic they wold of liked him.

meant would of lol

spare I'm aware of that. But it doesn't mean you will be turned down if you disclose something. It's not like adoption where you have to prove you are basically beyond reproach. For IVF the criteria for refusal is that they believe the child could come to 'serious' harm. So addicts in long term recovery or people with managed mental health issues aren't turned down.

It's much more like weeding out the sort of people who'd have their children removed at birth than it is actively vetting people to see that they will make top standard parents.

Honestly, this really is something I know a lot about. IVF clinics aren't in the business of morally judging people or assessing their circumstances in depth. To be turned down you'd be looking at recently active addicts, floridly and profoundly mentally ill or actually rough sleeping. They're very conscious of the fact that people without medical problems don't have to produce bank statements, tenancy agreements or character references to reproduce.

I assume the programme paid (a) for the grandparents to fly to Turkey for their holiday and secondly for the Irish grandmother and aunt to fly over which would be a reasonable thing to do and made the programme more interesting too. I think the daughter is may be not quite able to cope alone - in fact I think the experienced father despite his drinking issue is probably better with babies and has grown up children already but they all seem to be doing a good job. Those 4 babies usually with 4 adults to look after them get an awful lot more attention then a lot of small children with one parents to a good few children at once.

I did look on line after to see if newspaper articles are reporting what the couple did not next but there seems to be no reports even in the Irish Sun. I thought they might be able to take the quads for an Irish Christening in Northern Ireland perhaps in a part 2 if they make a part 2. Part 2 could be about religions differences may be. I am sure these kinds of programmes usually have a background agenda.

I really hope they moved to Ireland in the end

But odd how it just ended

Do you?
I hope she dumped the alcoholic partner and raised the babies near her parents with support from them. I can't see how moving to Ireland away from her family support with an alcoholic would be a good idea.

I agree with Gallavich. I don't think it would benefit her at all to uproot to Ireland. I don't believe he'd stop drinking there either.

quadruplets and homeless
I have just read with growing despair the disgusting comments from many on this site, who are best described as a company of wolves. How dare you sit in judgement on this couple who were trying to do their best in very difficult circumstances. IVF???How dare they exercise their right to access the same services as everyone else because they are homeless. What next? 'Sterilisation for all women on benefits'. Maybe you could set up your own subgroup and announce it from your ivory towers, just to add to your false sense of superiority. But I suspect your comments were more to do with the fact she was Turkish. I really hope they do go to live in Ireland and have a successful relationship, as far away from the venomous insults expressed on this site. Mumsnet, really! Mums spite.

Lol

Um, what?!!

Serously??

I think the spirit has gone down your neck if that's all you took away from this thread.

what the fuck! Aynur, is that you?!

Thank you, (alwayshungryforcrisps) a lone voice of reason in a sea judgements.

MN is in Ireland too you know. And they have enough homeless alcoholics of their own to feed, they really don't need anymore coming over with their four children.