Too think people should stop commenting on people's choice of 'hot weather' clothes

[user1485342611]

I know people who are self conscious about their arms, legs, or birthmarks or whatever and are always very careful to dress in a way that hide them. Most of them dread Summer because they will be met with constant comments of 'would you. not be cooler in a t-shirt, that top must be very warm', 'I could lend you a pair of shorts. You must be sweltering in those jeans', 'Do you not think it's time to ditch the tights until Winter'?

I remember, years ago, when I was very self conscious, being at the receiving end of some of those comments myself and really hating the first days of Summer.

So AIBU to think that people should stop commenting to friends or relatives about how they choose to dress on a Summer's day? They're probably feeling self conscious enough without you sticking your oar in.

Just for clarity, making personal comments unless totally complimentary is rude

Just for clarity, making personal comments unless totally complimentary is rude

This.

I have a dear friend who comments every time I wear a sleeveless top. She always says something along the lines of 'Ooh, many women over 40 don't like to show their upper arms, you know. It's so nice you feel able to show them that you don't mind revealing yours...'

'You look lovely' - yes

'You look hot, can I lend you a top, why don't you get your legs out' etc etc - rude

Btw Dimples - have you tried the sunblock gloves for helping with your skin rash? I get dreadful heat rash on my hands if I drive when it's sunny but a friend recommended these to me and they make a huge difference. They look kind of twee but tbh it can get so painful that I'm beyond caring.

Banter is different - I happily take the piss out of my friends. But treating someone like they are too thick to realise they are too hot until you mentioned it? Not so much.

Pressed send too soon.

You aren't their mother, so they may find that approach a tad patronising...

I run pretty warm and usually have bare arms at work, and I find anyone wearing thick clothes when I'm warm has a weird effect on me, it makes me feel even hotter and all claustrophobic somehow, like I'm feeling how I would feel trapped in hot clothes (which is how I feel when I'm too hot! Would much rather be cold). I would only mention it to a friend, though, not someone I didn't know well. But I might say "oh, you're making me feel hot!"

Navy, yes, many of us would. What's so hard to understand about not commenting?

Believe what you like Navy - Why would I comment on a grown adult's chosen clothing? Are you not friends with people who are capable of dressing themselves how they like?

Wouldn't you assume that if someone was in jeans and jumper, that is what they want to wear? I'm obviously strange as I give people credit for being able to dress themselves

YANBU. I once looked after a child with ASD who got great comfort from being as covered as possible, clothing wise. We once stopped off at the beach on the way home from school and he kept his jumper on, as always, while playing in the sand. Two women sat behind me would not stop making passive aggressive comments about kids not being dressed appropriately, what's he got a jumper on for etc. I felt like saying OK, you try and go and get it off him then....

But surely she would be capable of actually volunteering the info if there was some specific reason?

I was thinking the exact same thing today, OP, as I was dressed in jeans and a thin jumper. I hate always feeling I have to justify my choice of clothes. I wish I wasn't so self conscious of my overweight, fair-skinned body. I noticed a child was wearing a coat today, and I wondered if she was wearing it, (with a jumper), because she is self conscious. I was like this at her age, sadly.

I get this. I have horrible skin on my arms (although I have never had bad skin anywhere else luckily) so I need to keep them covered all year. I can't stand people repeatedly telling me I must be hot in that cardigan.

ARGH!

I think people are just making (not very interesting) conversation. I know I've said similar before and would not have intended to hurt anyone or make them feel self conscious. I won't do it again. Sorry.

My old summer wardrobe doesn't fit and I have NO money for new clothes. So it's tough really.

The very first time I met DP he asked if I wanted to move into the sun because I was wearing a thick cardigan outside in summer. I have no recollection of this but apparently after I explained that I burn instantly and am always cold I was poked fun at by the rest of the group all evening. Sounds about right, I don't recall.

BUT he was amazed at the way I defending myself and held my own with a bunch of strangers. And spent the whole night trying to talk to me. I of course ignored him and had no idea.

It's a long running joke in our house that I have 2 more layers than him.

But it's totally rude to be the arbiter of body temperature though. If it was up to me I'd hand out jumpers on street corners. But it's not.

Aww thankyou Annie
Yep even the woman who works in the corner shop has said it to me! Once upon a time I'd get really embarrassed about it, now I feel embarrassed for the person commenting, I've even doled out a MN 'did you mean to be so rude?' in response - that shuts em up
Fwiw I wouldn't even notice your bingo wings, everyone has them don't they (tell me they do!!) its funny how we all have our hang ups though - this is why people shouldn't bloody comment! You never know just how much it might affect someone

How is commenting on someone's clothing (and by extension implying they are incapable of dressing themselves correctly for the weather) NOT going to make them self conscious?

YANBU. I keep my arms and legs covered all year. I burn easily and I'm self-conscious about my size and old self-harm scars, so I'm much more comfortable if I don't 'get my legs out'. I don't appreciate comments - if I'm wearing long sleeves on the hottest day of the year it's obviously not because I haven't noticed that it's hot. And I don't particularly want to tell anyone I know in person about my reasons.

I don't think it's very polite to comment on how much or how little someone's wearing, and I only comment on other people's clothes if it's to compliment them.