To be annoyed with this mother regarding coke at a kids party

[franciemczoo]

We were at an 8 year old's party at the weekend at a local burger joint.

We allow our DD to have coke occasionally- I don't outright ban anything because I believe the minute you make something "banned" you're making something seem more attractive.

Before the party we were looking at the menu and it said any soft drink was included. So DD asked whether she could have a Coke as part of her meal deal and I said yes.

So we get to the venue and the waitress was very efficiently taking the orders from the children (parents were sitting on a separate table)

I saw one of the mums talking to the waitress and thought nothing of it. Said mum then came up to the parents - including the birthday girls parents who were picking up the tab and announced "I don't let (DD) have Coke and I don't think it's fair for all the other children to have Coke and not my DD so I've told the waitress to tell the children they can't have Coke when she takes their order"

We were all but were all too polite to say anything!

So what would you have done in this situation? Was the mum in question right to do this?

Why should the whole party be centred round whether one of the guests was likely to "kick up a fuss" or not?

I don't get the Coke thing - a glass of orange juice has as much sugar.

We don't have fizzy drinks at home but as a treat on holiday or day out they are allowed.

Not when other kids may get upset if she has one
If the mother is so precious that her DD is not allowed Coke no matter what then the problem is with the mother.

Why should the other kids all go without just so that this one mother gets to save her DD from the evils of just one glass of Coke.

Honestly, it hardly teaches kids how to cope with life does it.

Another perfect example of why some people get away with at times outrageous behaviour! I wouldn't have told her to Fuck off but I would have said something along the lines it's not up to her to choose what my child drinks thanks very much!

Fair in case her DD kicked up a fuss? Oh get away with you, you don't learn to get what you want in life by "kicking up a fuss"! No wonder there are so many entitled adults arou d causing problems in relationships if this is what some people believe children should be raised like!

I would have thanked her for thinking of my children's health but told her you were going to reorder the coke as you'd already promised the coke to your kids. However you understand that she doesn't want to give her kids coke

I used to take coffee to primary school in little Kermit the frog flasks child of the 70s

She has guaranteed that her DC doesn't get invited to another party, as she's outed herself as a weird control freak parent dictating at other children's birthday parties for what every other child can drink because of her precious child. Yuk!! Cola is not unusual at a burger joint.

I cannot believe the party mummy said nothing and let this crazy parent dictate at birthday girl's party! .She would be the source of much school gate gossip at my school and I wouldn't blame them with (I stay out of it but would probably agree on this occasion and feel sorry for her DC).

If it was a serious allergy /that required an epi-pen or quick.respnse, that would be totally different and known beforehand and part of agreeing restrictions in meal or drink choices for safety. ( One of my friends has a DD that is seriously allergic to egg, strawberries and milk and carries epi-pen. So we all agree to limit what we or our children consume around her as its life threatening for her DD. That's a totally different scenario.)

I would never let my DC invite her child to my DC's party after then, as it wouldn't be worth the stress that precious entitled Mum causes. What else might she dictate?! I'd also be ready to intervene next time (i.e. the wait ro wait and ask party mum what she wants for her child's Bday party drinks, and reply " No, that's unreasonable, the other children are allowed to have what they want from the set menu as bday mum has organised and is paying for this party. You should focus on your own child, but you don't decide for mine or anyone elses child here today")

the wait ro wait = Ask the waitress to wait ...
Lol!

This is one of those deeply unsatisfying threads where we all get riled up in righteous indignation, but the moment has well and truly passed, and nothing can be done about it.

Rarely have I seen a mumsnet post where so many have been in agreement

It's hard to imagine this actually happened.

As I have verbal diarrhoea I probably would have said "I beg your pardon?" Can't believe no one said anything?!

Ps that fruit cocktail drink probably had even more sugar in!!

'I think that should be the decision of the birthday girl and her family don't you? Of course, your child, your rules, but I'm happy for my child to have one on a fun occasion, and I'm sure other parents will feel the same'. And then go and stand in front of the refillable cup coke machine and suck the nozzle. Done.

Why didn't she discuss with bday girl's parents in advance? There are (sometimes, rarely) reasons why it might be positive to adjust a 'menu' choice... but only with agreement from other parents. For instance, child with SEN who is otherwise enjoying party, but coke=catastrophe=complete nightmare if everyone else has it, but they don't understand why they are being excluded=everyone all very unhappy.
But surely only with agreement from other (extremely kind & supportive) parents at party. Not by just asking waitress... weird.

Oops.. that's OTT. As parents we all have our own rules.. my DDs are not allowed coke or coffee- my choice. However they are aware other children are allowed coke/coffee and that's their parent's choice - I would not expect other children to not have coke because we don't allow it. Sounds a bit controlling

Bonkers - am amazed you all put up with it. Terrible lesson for her kids to learn. My DD can't have all sorts of food - allergies, and other gastro issues. Can't have coke. Would never, in a million years, dream of imposing it on others. Also DD has to learn that she can't have what others can and just get on with it.

Bonkers of the first order.

We don't give dgd slush puppies even if she begs because they really do make her mad as a bag of frogs! I wouldn't dream of telling anyone we were out with their kids couldn't have it because dgd couldn't! Not my call & definitely not this mothers call either!
I'd have quietly told her to fuck off then smiled sweetly and ordered a coke for dgd!!

She cant dictate to any parent what their kids have. I would have told to f off.

I feel sorry for the girl. The kids at the party are going to be annoyed that they weren't allowed to have coke at the party - but then again, they did get to have different drinks. The mum is opening up her DD to be a target.

"We couldn't have coke because your mum said you aren't allowed to drink coke so we had to have what your mum said"

btw yabu calling it coke i/o cola, I got very confused for a minute there
Are you for real??

A bit uptight, but if she was paying, you just have to bite it
She wasn't paying, the parents of the child whose birthday it was were paying.

I think at the time, even with a whole group of parents, you just seem too shocked to say anything/confront mumzilla. If you are in any such situation again, I am sure you'll be aware to put her straight if it comes to dictating what your DC is allowed, without upsetting her child! Maybe spend some time explaining to your child why others can have coke and your child can not...do not shirk your responsibility of explaining and then deny other children!

My DD 4 has never had sweets, we limit fizzy drinks, lollipops, chocolate. Our choice. Never would I judge/dictate to/undermine another parent for what they do with their DC and would fully expect others to respect my choice...it is lack of respect for others if anyone gives/takes for another's child!

but were all too polite to say anything!

The word you're looking for is 'doormats', not 'polite.'

I'd have immediately corrected her and said, "no, actually my DC can have have coke if they like". Then I'd have called across to my DC and told them to order a coke if they wanted.

I've no sympathy for party mum being slugged extra for the more expensive drinks if she wasn't going to take control of her own child's party and correct batshit mum.