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AIBU?

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Original poster

To give 17 month old dd a small gift on ds's birthday?

151 replies

Placeanditspatrons · 08/05/2017 23:41

He will be 8.

It's not so much because she will get upset if she doesn't have anything...it's more because she will be a total pain and want to open his stuff and then play with it which will hugely annoy him.
I considered wrapping a couple of her own toys that she already has and maybe getting one small new toy to open in the hopes of distracting her from ds's new things!
It is such a difficult age gap and her birthday is Christmas Eve so she gets two days of heavy present receiving and then nothing for twelve months.

Would it be unfair on ds?

OP posts:
SabineUndine · 08/05/2017 23:46

Yes. My younger brother always got gifts on my birthday and I've never forgotten it. Why not let your DD have the wrapping paper to play with? IME babies that age are happier with the wrapping than the actual gifts anyway Grin

BrickFuckingWall · 08/05/2017 23:47

My gran used to always get us a "wee thing" on siblings' birthdays.

Usually a comic, bar of chocolate, never cost more than £1 or £2 but just so we didn't feel "left out".

We wouldnt have bothered if we hadn't got anything, I don't think it'll do any harm to get your youngest something to focus on so that your DS can enjoy his gifts in peace.

JigglyTuff · 08/05/2017 23:47

She's a baby. Give her the pa having to play with

JigglyTuff · 08/05/2017 23:47

Packaging!!

Empireoftheclouds · 08/05/2017 23:48

Nah we don't do that. I prefer to have them realise their birthdays are their own special days.

pinkiepie1 · 08/05/2017 23:48

my parents used to give me and dsis something little to open on each others birthday just because i was total pain in the arse trying to open all my lil sis presents.
Only like a bag of sweets or colouring book, but i know other people who think its a horrible idea.
My dd is 3 and having a baby on Fri and we have already discussed what we are buying her so she doesn't get jealous of all the presents new baby is going to get.
Even my parents have bought both her and new baby something.

Forthispostonly · 08/05/2017 23:48

DBro and I still get unbirthday gifts on the other's birthday. We're in our 40s...

EveningShadows · 08/05/2017 23:48

Noooo!!!!

Can't bear this tradition - kids need to get used to the idea that they are not always the centre of the bloody universe! Birthdays of their siblings are a good place to start.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 08/05/2017 23:50

I would give gifts on the birth of a sibling, but not for subsequent birthdays.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 08/05/2017 23:55

Only if you are going to give your DS a gift on his sister's birthday and deal with it when friends and family don't follow suit.

I have baaaaadddd memories of not buying a gift for DS's friend's little sister and her having the most god awful tantrum about it...

SecretNetter · 08/05/2017 23:56

No, definitely don't start this as it can spiral.

We've never done this but my parents did. At first (ds1's 3rd birthday when ds2 was 8 months) I didn't mind...it was a tiny token gift for ds2. Then on ds2's first birthday, a tiny token for ds1. I can live with that.

Over the years it morphed into bigger presents until last year on their respective birthdays, it was difficult to pick out which dc's birthday it was due to the amount the other got Hmm. Ridiculous.

We put a stop to it this year and I made my parents return the gifts they'd got ds2 on ds1's birthday and refused to let them be given (they'd already been asked not to btw but did anyway). We sat the dc down and told them only the birthday boy would get presents from then on and they took it well (considering that they'd inevitably come to expect it).

Don't make a rod for your own back op!

CheeseQueen · 08/05/2017 23:57

IT'S NOT HER BIRTHDAY!!!! Sorry for shouting, but just why would you do that?!
Kids have to learn that sometimes it's not all about them, and to take turns.
They get something on their birthday.
I'm one of three, and we never got presents on each other's birthday, as that would be daft.
Just like my kids don't have presents on their sibling's birthdays either!

Original poster
Placeanditspatrons · 08/05/2017 23:59

It's not really the start of a tradition. It's more 'here have this so your brother can open his stuff and you don't cry incessantly because you can't open anything.'
She won't be content with the packaging. Honestly. She likes to play with real stuff. I was hoping if she was distracted MORE of the attention would go to ds.

OP posts:
CheeseQueen · 08/05/2017 23:59

I have baaaaadddd memories of not buying a gift for DS's friend's little sister and her having the most god awful tantrum about it...

Shock I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from saying "sorry, it's not your birthday, I'm sure you'll get lovely ones when it actually is!" or something like that.
Original poster
Placeanditspatrons · 09/05/2017 00:00

Yeah I didn't do it last year when she was tiny.
It's just difficult. She wants to do what her brother does. It drives him mad.

OP posts:
MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 09/05/2017 00:00

It's not really the start of a tradition

No, but it could be the start of an expectation and therein lies the problem.

CheeseQueen · 09/05/2017 00:01

It's more 'here have this so your brother can open his stuff and you don't cry incessantly because you can't open anything.'

Don't set a precedent, start out sensibly otherwise you'll end up doing it every year by default and kicking yourself!
All the 17 month olds I've known (and I've had two of my own) would be just as amused by all the wrapping paper and boxes anyway....

SecretNetter · 09/05/2017 00:07

I wouldn't buy or wrap anything. Maybe hide one of her favourite toys a while before the birthday and give it back to her as the other dc has their gifts...hopefully the novelty factor of having it back would distract her.

Tootsiepops · 09/05/2017 00:08

Op - my mum always did this for me and my brother when we were little. I can assure you that, done properly, it's a lovely and appreciated gesture and doesn't lead to grabby, spoiled or entitled children. I actually don't remember when my mum stopped doing it, so I clearly wasn't traumatised in the slightest.

BertieBotts · 09/05/2017 00:16

He's 8. I think the age gap is big enough that he'll understand and not be narked about it or feel it unfair especially if he well knows the frustration of her getting into his stuff.

I think it's fair to say not to get into the habit of it when there are only a couple of years between them, but this is a totally different situation.

Why don't you suggest to him to get something small for her? Give him a couple of £ to spend in poundland for her. Or look out one of his outgrown toys for her which he/you could wrap up so it seems new to her but isn't really. If he's aware of the reason why and it's clear it's just a token thing for her (not like you've got her matching in value gifts to his) then it shouldn't cause stress on his side.

Does she have one of those snack pots with the flaps on top? If not, that would be a great present as you can fill it with cheerios or raisins and she will be busy with that for absolutely ages. Plus it's a practical "gift" not a fun thing for an 8yo to get jealous over.

NuffSaidSam · 09/05/2017 00:16

I wouldn't. There must be something else you can distract her with.

I would give her a summer 'birthday' though like the Queen. Actual birthday 24th December. Official birthday 24th June. That way she gets presents twice a year and she can have a summer party when everyone isn't too busy worrying about Christmas.

SandyY2K · 09/05/2017 00:42

Take her out of the room if she's going to cry about it,but if you start now when will you stop.

My DCs have birthdays exactly 6 months apart and I used to get something small for the other one. It kind of started with the younger one saying "it's my half birthday today".

user1471545174 · 09/05/2017 02:39

No, birthdays are for the birthday child.

SpareASquare · 09/05/2017 03:28

WTF! This is a 'thing'?

Pretty lazy to shove a gift at a child in order to keep the peace.

Can't see that causing issues down the track Grin

Sparrowlegs248 · 09/05/2017 03:32

I wouldn't, it's not so end want to start.

Also, at 17 months will she really be wanting to open presents? My nearly 2 year old still doesn't really get the concept. Maybe he doesn't get enough presents.......

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