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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

my friend is selling the clothes I gave her for free

139 replies

tinnylittlethings · 08/05/2017 22:45

I have a friend who's daughter is a year younger than mine. My daughter is 7 years old. She worked at the nursery where my daughter went. I remember her making nice compliments about my daughter's clothes . She was a single mother at the time and working part time. She asked me if I could sell my daughter's clothes to her once she's out grown of them. I said of course and I had started to give all my daughter's clothes ( good condition ones ) to her for her daughter. I didn't want anything for them. Couple of times she brought me bunch of flowers as a way of saying thank you. I felt good about helping a friend. Clothes were all good and all from Next . Since my daughter had started to school we rarely saw each other. But I still continued to do my good deed until this year. ( I haven't sorted my daughter's clothes yet for this year. ) I recently met up with her for coffe after a long time . (Out of blue she asked me to meet up with her ) . I paid for my own coffe. She has a good job and earning well now. I don't know if IABU but I kinda expected her to pay it for me after what I did for her many years. We are also friends on facebook. I saw she was selling all the clothes I gave for her daughter on one of Facebook selling page last night. She is selling them as bulk ; 2-3 years etc .. and each bin bag is £15. She put " all from Next " on her advert. I didn't feel good about it at all. I know they are her daughter's now but she could give them away for free to someone ?! AIBU to think like this ?? I can't stop thinking about it.

OP posts:

Allabitmuchisntit · 08/05/2017 22:52

Yabu. She offered to buy the clothes from you. It was obviously your choice to give them away. She bought you flowers. She has made use of the clothes. She is now selling them. I can't get annoyed about one coffee sorry. Forget about it.

TooFew · 08/05/2017 22:55

YABU - she offered to pay but you wanted to feel good about your 'deed' it's up to her what she does with them. And unless you can see her bank statements you have no idea what her financial situation is despite you thinking she has a good job now

Fruitcorner123 · 08/05/2017 22:57

YANBU about the clothes. I would have offered them back first at least. I have been given quite a lot of clothes and have either passed them on to someone with a smaller child or given them to charity. I would feel bad profiting from them. I think the coffee is a bit unreasonable as you chose to give them for free so she doesn't owe you anything and shouldn't feel like she has to buy you something every time she sees you.

someonestolemynick · 08/05/2017 22:57

Yabu.
They stopped being yours from the moment you handed them over and she is under no obligation to buy you coffee.

PeaFaceMcgee · 08/05/2017 22:59

You didn't have to martyr yourself by doing your annual 'good deed'. You don't get to dictate what people do with their gifts. Sorry, yabu.

threestars · 08/05/2017 22:59

Selling children's clothes on eBay is a pain in the neck. I could have done that with DC's clothes, but it was much easier to give them to a friend of a friend instead. If that friend of a friend decides to sell them, fine. I'm just happy not to have them cluttering up my house and not to have to answer ridiculous eBay questions and deal with postage etc.
Let them go!

thatverynightinmaxsroom · 08/05/2017 22:59

YANBU about the clothes, that's a really arsey thing to do.

YAB a bit U about the coffee though.

AtSea1979 · 08/05/2017 23:06

YABU you have them to her, she can do what she likes with them. As for selling on eBay, she's unlikely to make any money once you factor in the time and effort so she has in effect given them away to someone who needs them. eBaying is a hobby not a get rich quick scheme.

LaContessaDiPlump · 08/05/2017 23:09

Honestly, I'd be fine if a friend (a non-piss-taking friend, which is what she sounds like) sold on something I'd given them. The key word is GIVEN them! They are hers now.

I wouldn't expect to be bought a coffee either - exactly how much gratitude do you think a gift of clothes entitles you to? She said thanks and occasionally bought flowers - surely that's enough?

SparklyUnicornPoo · 08/05/2017 23:14

Does she even remember which clothes were from you? I have a friend who passes me her daughters old clothes and by the time my DD's grown out of them I couldn't tell you which ones were from her and which I'd bought.

PyongyangKipperbang · 08/05/2017 23:22

I would be a bit pissed off that she hadnt paid the favour forward to someone who was not doing so well, as she was when you gave her the clothes. I get that they are hers to do with as she pleases but it does seem a bit shitty to not pass the favour on when she is now in a position to do so. They didnt cost her anything so its not as if she would be making a net loss by giving them away.

YABU about the coffee. Either you gave her the things for nothing or you didnt, she gave you flowers and said thank you, she isnt in your debt.

arethereanyleftatall · 08/05/2017 23:24

Yanbu, I think that's rude.
Any clothes I get for free I either pass on or give to charity.

CatsRidingRollercoasters · 08/05/2017 23:27

YANBU. I wouldn't dream of selling on something which I had been given for free. You'd pass the favour on - charity shop, free to collector, give them to a friend - surely? Incredibly rude of her.

Yabu about the coffee though, sorry.

DJBaggySmalls · 08/05/2017 23:29

These threads appear frequently. If people want to place conditions on gifts', then say so before you agree to give them.

Original poster

tinnylittlethings · 08/05/2017 23:33

Thank you ladies ...
Firstly, I missed some info sorry. About the " coffee" . I wasn't just expected her to pay it for me because of the clothes. When ever we went out together with kids I paid for all of us where ever we went because she always complained about being skint etc. We are not rich at all but I felt that was the right thing to do. It's a £2 coffe. It's not about the money at all. I kinda expected her to least offer saying " shall I get yours " or something. I haven't seen her bank statements of course but she told me that she is earning much more and her life is very " comfortable " now.
I gave those clothes free because I wanted to help her.She is selling the clothes from age 2. All from Next she says and I gave her many many full bin bags of clothes in past years. Few times she said she would start given them away just like I am doing it. ( last time she said this I think it was 2 years ago). It's not how much she sells for them or I paid for my own coffe that day ... Somehow I am feeling uncomfortable about this. I just can't describe it ... Sorry for not including everything in my original post . I am on lot of medications and I can't concentrate well at all. I needed to share this in here to have your ideas... and I really appreciated. Thank you.

OP posts:

Original poster

tinnylittlethings · 08/05/2017 23:43

She's not selling them on eBay. Selling them on Facebook . She is selling each bin bags for £15. Every year least I gave about 10 full bin bags least. I have a one child and always knew I can never have another one. That's why I always bought so many clothes etc for her. I would be so happy if she was giving them to the charity or someone who needs them. Thank you for your opinion . I don't know why I feel like this. Why I am upset about it ...

OP posts:

scoobydoo1971 · 08/05/2017 23:45

Tiny, you have been a lovely friend to this woman. You did good deeds that were well-intended, and you should feel good about it. You cannot control the actions of other people. If you do not feel happy about what happened to your donation, do not give her any more clothing. Take it to a charity shop as good quality children's clothing are always in demand, or ask the local women's refuge as some families leave with nothing!

If you had given me clothing for my kids, I would have bought your coffee but that is just me. For what its worth, I spent 3 hours writing out a welfare application form for a 'friend' including chasing experts for letters of support. When she received her payments, she said thanks, but got me nothing, zilch...she promised a spa weekend (which would have been appreciated but not expected)...but then backed out. She turned up three years later wanting me to do her renewal application but I was suddenly too 'busy' with work...

Original poster

tinnylittlethings · 08/05/2017 23:47

I had been given so many toys / books eye for my daughter . I always gave them to the school or my other friends .. I explained the coffee bit at my other reply. I shouldn't have mentioned coffee because it wasn't exactly about clothes . I have a very foggy brain so apologies for the confusion . Thank you

OP posts:

ShiningArmour · 08/05/2017 23:47

Give them to a charity shop next time.

munchkinmaster · 08/05/2017 23:48

Are the clothes from next?

Butterymuffin · 08/05/2017 23:48

That's mean of her. Not on to profit from something someone gave you for free.

Interesting that on the baby gift thread, many people are adamant that regifting is terrible, yet here it's 'there are no conditions on a gift, if someone sells it on that's fine'.

Inertia · 08/05/2017 23:49

I can see why you're upset - you've helped this woman out a lot over the years, but she hasn't passed the kindness forward to help out other struggling parents, or charities.

They were a gift, so it's up to her what she does with them. If you think that somebody else might benefit more , give your next lot of outgrown clothes to someone else, or a refuge or charity shop. Her timing does seem to be a bit cynical , especially if this is your usual time to sort through.

AndNowItIsSeven · 08/05/2017 23:49

You bought your child ten bin bags of NEXT clothes a year?

Colacolaaddict · 08/05/2017 23:50

YANBU. I think paying it forward is the decent thing to do. Also I always tried to check with the donor before passing them on elsewhere, as quite often the donor liked to have them back, if only to give to someone else.

But seriously no child needs 10 bin bags of clothes a year. It's just overwhelming for all concerned.

Original poster

tinnylittlethings · 08/05/2017 23:54

scoobydoo1971 : Thank you for your reply.
It wasn't the first time I helped a friend then eventually I left feeling "stupid". Yes, I think this is the word. I feel stupid now lol.
You did good for saying " you were busy " . I think I will do that too. I need to sort out my daughter's clothes soon and I won't give them to her this time. Yes, it was my decision and I gave all clothes (including 5-6 coats ) each year for free to her. We are not rich at all but she needed them for her daughter. I guess I made another mistake for expecting someone to act the way I do. Thank you for your reply. Much appreciated

OP posts:

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