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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my friend is selling the clothes I gave her for free

139 replies

tinnylittlethings · 08/05/2017 22:45

I have a friend who's daughter is a year younger than mine. My daughter is 7 years old. She worked at the nursery where my daughter went. I remember her making nice compliments about my daughter's clothes . She was a single mother at the time and working part time. She asked me if I could sell my daughter's clothes to her once she's out grown of them. I said of course and I had started to give all my daughter's clothes ( good condition ones ) to her for her daughter. I didn't want anything for them. Couple of times she brought me bunch of flowers as a way of saying thank you. I felt good about helping a friend. Clothes were all good and all from Next . Since my daughter had started to school we rarely saw each other. But I still continued to do my good deed until this year. ( I haven't sorted my daughter's clothes yet for this year. ) I recently met up with her for coffe after a long time . (Out of blue she asked me to meet up with her ) . I paid for my own coffe. She has a good job and earning well now. I don't know if IABU but I kinda expected her to pay it for me after what I did for her many years. We are also friends on facebook. I saw she was selling all the clothes I gave for her daughter on one of Facebook selling page last night. She is selling them as bulk ; 2-3 years etc .. and each bin bag is £15. She put " all from Next " on her advert. I didn't feel good about it at all. I know they are her daughter's now but she could give them away for free to someone ?! AIBU to think like this ?? I can't stop thinking about it.

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 08/05/2017 23:54

The OP explained that her DD is an only and not through choice, so she spoiled a bit.

And so what if she bought those clothes if she can afford them? No one elses business what she spends her money on.

Astro55 · 08/05/2017 23:55

that she hadnt paid the favour forward to someone who was not doing so well

I agree with this - the right thing to do is to pay it forward!! Sadly not many people do this!!

PyongyangKipperbang · 08/05/2017 23:56

There may well be a local womens refuge that would appreciate the clothes, many kids end up there with just the clothes they stand up in and mums often have no immediate access to money to get more.

Original poster
tinnylittlethings · 09/05/2017 00:01

Thank you for your opinion Colacolaaddict.
I know no child needs that many clothes but this is something I have always wanted to do and done. My husband thinks I am crazy lol. I don't shop myself much . I only buy what I need. As for my daughter, I just like buying cute clothes ...

OP posts:
Original poster
tinnylittlethings · 09/05/2017 00:04

Thank you PyongyangKipperbang . If I had a chance to have another child then I would have budget things wisely for them . Unfortunately I can't. I just love buying her new clothes. I hardly buy myself anything lol.

OP posts:
Original poster
tinnylittlethings · 09/05/2017 00:05

It's a great idea! Thank you again PyongyangKipperbang. ! I will do that !

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 09/05/2017 00:06

No worries :)

Original poster
tinnylittlethings · 09/05/2017 00:10

Thank you Inertia ,
I have decided to give them to women's refugee this year. You may be right about her timing.

OP posts:
Original poster
tinnylittlethings · 09/05/2017 00:13

Yes munchkinmaster . She states that on her Facebook advert .

OP posts:
Squishedstrawberry4 · 09/05/2017 00:18

I agree with you. Anything I'm given, I pass on freely. Anything I pay for, I sell. I wouldn't want to make money out of my friends kindness.

FritzDonovan · 09/05/2017 00:29

I wouldn't sell a gift on either, but each to their own. No need to feel stupid. Maybe she makes a habit of selling unwanted clothes/toys etc, she may need the money. You just don't know. The more stupid thing is to expect others to have the same ideals as yourself all the time

You do (as a pp said) sound a bit martyred now though, giving her all those clothes (5-6 coats a year?!?) and paying for her when you went out, and it sounds like you still feel she 'owes' you something. She doesn't have to express her gratitude forever. You set up the dynamic between you both. Change it if you want to remain friends, if you're not bothered, just let it go.

winefixeswhine · 09/05/2017 11:54

Yanbu. If someone gives you clothes you then give them to someone else in need. It's just the done thing. I would be annoyed too.

sonjadog · 09/05/2017 12:00

I think giving them to a refugee is a really good idea.

Dishwashersaurous · 09/05/2017 12:09

A child with five or six coats! Mind boggles

ShesAStar · 09/05/2017 12:15

I think YABU because you have applied your moral code to her's. You have a different set of morals to her. I agree with you, personally I wouldn't sell clothes I was gifted - unless I was really hard up and I would have bought you your coffee to return your past favours.

halcyondays · 09/05/2017 12:25

I couldn't get worked up about this. I've given stuff to people before and it's no odds to me what they do with it in the end.

ImperialBlether · 09/05/2017 12:26

Do you think she wanted to meet up so that you'd give her more clothes?

loulou0987 · 09/05/2017 12:30

this happened to me too, at the very least i expected them to be offered back for a) if i have another child or b) if i know anyone else who might get some use out of them (my brother's wife was actually pregnant at the time!!)

I now take them to the school who are always asking for spare clothes, or to charity shop. YANBU.

munchkinmaster · 09/05/2017 12:33

Thanks for clarifying. It wasn't clear if the clothes were from next. I think that's important.

Astro55 · 09/05/2017 12:36

I think YABU because you have applied your moral code to her's

But that's the point - OP has just realized her friend doesn't be have the same morals - which OP has enabled -

2014newme · 09/05/2017 12:38

You wanted to help her.
It's helping her even more that she is now selling the clothes. Look at it that way.

BeMorePanda · 09/05/2017 12:49

They aren't your clothes anymore though. They are her clothes.
And she is free to do what she wants with them. As were you when they were your clothes.

expatinscotland · 09/05/2017 12:50

I wouldn't sell on a gift, but when I give something away it's the recipient's to do as she/he pleases. I'd cut her a wide berth because she sounds like one of life's users and takers, tbh.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 09/05/2017 12:54

I'd avoid her like the plague and not pass anything on to her again. Some people will happily take, take, take. She seems like one of those people.

PickAChew · 09/05/2017 13:00

I presume she's actually used them as intended before selling them on. I think you're being too precious.

TBH, I'm impressed that stuff from Next has survived 2 children. most of their boys' tops and jammies twist in the wash and are only fit for rag by the time, or even before, they're outgrown just the once.