Husband wants me to go back to work (ideally full time) after my mat leave

[shewhocannotbenamed]

I've never really planned on being a SAHM but I also never voiced a wish to go back full time post baby. In principle I don't really agree that LO should go to nursery before he's at least one but I was willing to do it for 2-3 days a week for the sake of my job (I've got a feeling they might want to replace me with my mat cover longer term, and if I come back after 12 months they are not obliged to give me the exact same position I occupied previously whereas this is guaranteed if I get back within 9 months.)

Also following my husband's recent (massive) promotion he is now on £55k and we have savings (to which I have very largely contributed as was previously earning more than him) so it's not like we really desperate for the extra income.

So imagine my surprise when we were viewing nurseries and he asked for full time rates. I told him I was only thinking part time and he accepted this but I could tell he was a bit... I don't know, disappointed?

AIBU for feeling a bit upset about this? Considering the costs of childcare it's not like I'd be bringing home much anyway whichever option we choose. I can't even exactly specify why this makes me sad, perhaps makes me feel less like a woman and more like just his mate? It's especially so as his mother never worked post children and also in the past he had a girlfriend who just chose not to work (no kids or anything) and as far as I understand he was perfectly fine supporting her.

We've just had his friend nip over a few days back to announce his wife was pregnant and my husband gone into giving him financial advise straight away including to factor in for the extortionate costs of childcare, and his mate just said "I'm not worried we have savings and I'd be happy for her to stay home with the baby." That just really did it for me - how nice that he didn't have some inherent expectation that the wife needs to constantly perform both at home and at work.

Ok so from what I have read. Her husband is in the wrong for assuming she is going back to work full time and he is also in the wrong if he were to assume she would stay at home. He hasn't been told anything about the op wanting to stay at home and as she earned more than him before hand he just thought she would be going back yet it is him who is in the wrong? The only person in the wrong is the op for not explaining to her husband what she wants to do and instead expecting him to read her mind.

andinto

I agree with your post

I think it's a sign of a man who is fairly unengaged with the caring of the baby that they'd assume this.

@Batteriesallgone - more ignorant really? Just admit you were being sanctimonious. Also at this lady's level I would bet she gets flexible working. Most industries offer it.

What on earth would make you think that when her own husband thinks if she's working full time they need full time nursery? And she has said if she works she needs to put the child in childcare?

You know her job better than they do?

Maybe MN should consider introducing automatic signatures for posters, so that people had an option of signing every post with Fuck you, Daily Mail/Mirror
? Maybe it would discourage the screenshotting 😐

That is a great idea!

Fuck you Daily Scum!

Why would they do that, nodowntime? MNHQ must rub their hands with glee every time a thread makes the Daily Mail - all the hits mean they can demand more from advertisers.

selsigfach,

I thought it was the opposite! That people would not post if they think their personal problems/affairs might end up being plastered all over Daily Fail and be potentially recognisable.
Didn't think about the traffic being pushed up by randomers and advertising hits 🙄

It's a shame, I thought about posting a couple of threads and I'm uncomfortable at the possibility of it ending up in papers/on their websites, I can't be the only one!
They probably killed this thread now for the OP.

If you're going back to work, i would recommend starting your baby with 2 half days at nursery now & gradually building up to your working hours. I didn't do this with dd & it was a bit of a disaster for my job as i hadn't got all the nursery settling in done sufficiently first. The idea of going back to work is terrifying, but i love my 3 working days & would love to go full time. My dh can't go part time in his job, i did suggest 4 days each.

I thought it more likely Daily Mail journalists thought of interesting topics and then they started the threads on MN and then used the resulting answers in the articles.

Leave him to do everything and have a weekend away. Make sure no one else steps in but don't let on why you are leaving him.

Hopefully he'll then realise it isn't a walk in the park. Also start popping out more at weekends fir your own errands/free time and do some of the household chores yourself whilst he does childcare "as a change is as good as a rest" for you.

So in a way it's easier to establish yourself at work in the nursery years than wait until primary to try being the new person who has to prove themselves

Completely agree with this. 100%