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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have 'humiliated' my MIL

999 replies

ImALurkerNotAFighter · 07/05/2017 11:22

MIL has an awful tendency to do 'penis portions'. I'd avoided staying with her for a few years, as when breastfeeding she'd served up a tiny inadequate meal, then told me she hadn't done a plate for DS as 'he could just have some of mine' This was on top of sly little digs about my weight.
So MIL wanted us to stay this weekend so she could spend time with the DC. DH usually goes alone but apparently as I'm free this weekend it would be rude for me not to come. They very kindly babysat the asleep DC while we went to the pub. This morning MIL does breakfast for us and SIL and BIL. I get 1 small sausage, 1 half piece of bacon, 1 egg and a small slice of dry toast. MIL and SIL have similar. DH, FIL and BIL get 3 large sausages, 2 bacon, 2 eggs, beans and black pudding. I asked MIL if there was any more, she looked shocked and said no.
I was very cross at this point and walked round the table, took half the sausage, black pudding and beans off a very quiet DH to even it up (we were both left with pretty equal quantities) and sat back down.
MIL feels I have humiliated her, and 'at your size you clearly don't realise that was a proper breakfast '. I'm a size 18, so yes, fat.
I'm fuming and want to leave now. DH wants to stay and take them out for lunch as planned.
I know there are mumsnetters out there who believe the wimminz should subsist on a lettuce leaf and a sniff of meat, but sensible people of mumsnet WIBU? AIBU to pack the DC and leave?

OP posts:

TheMysteriousJackelope · 08/05/2017 02:11

If you hook your fitbit up to the mains you can program it to electrocute you when you start judging other adults' food choices.

True story.

I don't eat breakfast and my daily calorie intake is around 1,400. Do I win?

Madmotherintheattic · 08/05/2017 02:12

OP's going to wake up tomorrow, see this lot on her phone and think eh? fit bits? transgendered folk? oh fuck it, I'm gonna have a double sausage, bacon and egg sandwich for brekkie with a load of sauce. Or is that me?

PyongyangKipperbang · 08/05/2017 02:19

I think it will be all of us! I for one could cheerfully devour an English portion of an English breakfast.

And I can only assume the UserFatbot has never been to the US, she would have a coniption if she saw what they consider a standard portion!

HicDraconis · 08/05/2017 05:59

Have laughed merrily to myself for most of this thread (at everyone else, OP, not you. Although I would've loved to have been a fly on the wall at your breakfast table!)

Fun fact given the rate of derailment going on: Yes, if you work out your TDEE (lots of free calculators around) and track every calorie you eat, you can lose or maintain weight as you choose. You don't need a fitbit for it either. You can eat whatever you like (chocolate, cookies, crisps, full English fry up, you name it) as long as you log it and count it. It also seems that if you do this, you become a complete and total arsewiping bore over it all.

Second fun fact - if your BMI is within the "overweight" range (ie 26-30) you are statistically more likely to survive a major trauma, or severe sepsis requiring ICU admission. Presumably because a bit of extra fat acts as an additional energy reserve.

I suspect if my MiL had tried to pull a daft stunt like this, DH would have looked at both plates and said "You don't seem to have so much, Hic, let me give you some of mine". So OP isn't unreasonable, but her DH most definitely needs a targeted kick up the bum. It should have enough padding on it after all those calories after all

Bambambini · 08/05/2017 07:23

Mil is nuts. Half a bit of bacon and none of the beans and black pudding? Don't know how I'd have reacted - depends on our relationship otherwise but can't say i blame you Op. Would your husband really just have sat there happily munching his lovely proper fry up as you got a crap miserly portion?

Saying that, i had to finally have words for my mum who still gave me a smaller different plate from the rest of the family - i'm the youngest.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 08/05/2017 07:24

Presumably because a bit of extra fat acts as an additional energy reserve.

Or because people who have been ill for a while have lost weight as a result so are already weakened and more likely to die.

But I don't buy that being in the 'overweight' category particularly up to 28 ish is bad for you tbh and I never have.

Bluntness100 · 08/05/2017 07:25

The thing about being a host is you do not provide your guests with s meal that the calorific content covers only what you deem they "need" you provide them with a meal that they "want" and you let that be their decision.

It's interesting the mother in law is also over weight. Yet makes constant digs at her daughter in law about her weight and makes a point of women eating much much less than the men, the breakfast was about 70% less.

She sounds a bit fucked up to be honest and I suspect some mental health issues around food as well as a tendency to be controlling, which is why I suspect the men said nothing, to scared to.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 08/05/2017 07:32

I would have got into trouble for pissing myself laughing

I'd have laughed too, at the utter ridiculousness of the men's portions when they were going out for lunch.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 08/05/2017 07:35

Well this thread has got some bloody weird twists and turns!!

Who the FUCK does UserfitbitTDEE think she is?! Here's a hint - you're not "helping anyone learn" ANYTHING other than that you're a condescending twat. Take your FITBIT sales pitch and shove it.

Chippednailvarnishing · 08/05/2017 07:37

I'm having a bagel for breakfast, once I check the spelling to ensure I'm not having a Korean dogfast.

NavyandWhite · 08/05/2017 07:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bambambini · 08/05/2017 07:46

I very rarely have a fry up - if i'm having one - give me the fucking beans and blackpudding - some mushrooms and fried tattie scone would be nice too.

Meripenopause · 08/05/2017 07:47

But surely if the MIL was serving food out of some kind of perceived need, the OP should probably have got more sausage and definitely black pudding, due to her being more likely to need the iron?
I can't see that the ML's motivation was anything other than her (unwanted) opinion about how the OP should look.

Gwenhwyfar · 08/05/2017 07:48

I disagree with that. She's not a hotel. If someone comes to stay with me, I might ask them what I want, but at the end of the day I don't cook to order like a restaurant would.

Bluntness100 · 08/05/2017 07:51

I very rarely have a fry up - if i'm having one - give me the fucking beans and blackpudding - some mushrooms and fried tattie scone would be nice too

This. Sometimes we over eat, sometimes we under eat, it's our personal choice. To invite a guest and give them what uou deem as no more than an adequate meal to cover the calorific content you think they need is fairly shit hosting. When you do it to the women only and at the very same meal serve the men three times as much and much more then their calorific content they "need" and then have them sit at the same table together, one side with their adequate meal, the other with their abundant meal and you have no other food for seconds, you've went straight past shit hosting, and moved into wtf is wrong with territory.

Gwenhwyfar · 08/05/2017 07:55

"To invite a guest and give them what uou deem as no more than an adequate meal to cover the calorific content you think they need is fairly shit hosting."

I disagree. Inviting someone over and giving them way too much food so that they put on weight during the trip is shit hosting. My family's like that and I'm always reading mumsnetters who say that they provide too much food when they have visitors.

Bluntness100 · 08/05/2017 07:57

I disagree with that. She's not a hotel. If someone comes to stay with me, I might ask them what I want, but at the end of the day I don't cook to order like a restaurant would

Providing enough food for people to eat their fill of the meal you chose to serve is not cooking to order. It's simply not dictating how much each individual is allowed to eat of that meal..

Squishedstrawberry4 · 08/05/2017 08:04

When I've invited family to stay, I'm not interested in counting calories. I'm interested in everyone feeling well fed and having a nice time together. I wouldn't begrudge extra beans or sausage or bacon.

AgitatedGuava · 08/05/2017 08:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SecretNutellaFix · 08/05/2017 08:12

I love how some poster think they can behave like a knob and be quite revolting just because they don't agree with an OP on a thread.

HappyFlappy · 08/05/2017 08:13

are you suggesting that us English people forced food down your throat, and pushed your teeth up and down?

Worraliberty

ThouShallNotPass · 08/05/2017 08:15

"The thing about being a host is you do not provide your guests with s meal that the calorific content covers only what you deem they "need" you provide them with a meal that they "want" and you let that be their decision. "
*
I disagree with that. She's not a hotel. If someone comes to stay with me, I might ask them what I want, but at the end of the day I don't cook to order like a restaurant would.**

But do you unfairly allow certain guests more than others? THAT'S the whole point here, not whether or not you're a restaurant. When asking what your guests want, do you reply, "No, not you dear. You don't need beans"

Or are you a halfway decent host?

Increasinglymiddleaged · 08/05/2017 08:18

hahahaha how much difference is one day going to make seriously? WHY are you so obsessed with weight? What about the ridiculous portions given to the men when statistically more men are overweight? Ah but men are allowed to be, it's only a crime for women isn't it?

ThouShallNotPass · 08/05/2017 08:18

Oops. Bold fail.

EmpressoftheMundane · 08/05/2017 08:29

It's the next morning, I've come to check the thread on my way to work. I've had watered down grapefruit juice and might grab a bagel on my way to work.
I really wish I was having a full cooked breakfast with tomatoes, mushrooms, crispy bacon, crusty bread and home-made jam to boot!

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