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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have 'humiliated' my MIL

999 replies

ImALurkerNotAFighter · 07/05/2017 11:22

MIL has an awful tendency to do 'penis portions'. I'd avoided staying with her for a few years, as when breastfeeding she'd served up a tiny inadequate meal, then told me she hadn't done a plate for DS as 'he could just have some of mine' Angry This was on top of sly little digs about my weight.
So MIL wanted us to stay this weekend so she could spend time with the DC. DH usually goes alone but apparently as I'm free this weekend it would be rude for me not to come. They very kindly babysat the asleep DC while we went to the pub. This morning MIL does breakfast for us and SIL and BIL. I get 1 small sausage, 1 half piece of bacon, 1 egg and a small slice of dry toast. MIL and SIL have similar. DH, FIL and BIL get 3 large sausages, 2 bacon, 2 eggs, beans and black pudding. I asked MIL if there was any more, she looked shocked and said no.
I was very cross at this point and walked round the table, took half the sausage, black pudding and beans off a very quiet DH to even it up (we were both left with pretty equal quantities) and sat back down.
MIL feels I have humiliated her, and 'at your size you clearly don't realise that was a proper breakfast '. I'm a size 18, so yes, fat.
I'm fuming and want to leave now. DH wants to stay and take them out for lunch as planned.
I know there are mumsnetters out there who believe the wimminz should subsist on a lettuce leaf and a sniff of meat, but sensible people of mumsnet WIBU? AIBU to pack the DC and leave?

OP posts:
Chippednailvarnishing · 07/05/2017 20:39

Tact even I need my dinner

Moussemoose · 07/05/2017 20:40

AgitatedGuava we can assume you are not overweight.

I bet you are happy with just the one sausage?

Primaryteach87 · 07/05/2017 20:40

I thought ywbu right until her comment about your size. That's a horrid thing to say and uncalled for. If I had taken some off my DH plate at MIL she would have apologised for not giving me enough not made nasty comments.
I would leave too but not based on portion size based on her weight remarks.

HappyFlappy · 07/05/2017 20:40

I agree with user1494184470 - women do have different calorie requirements to men - but I don't think it's her MIL's job to tell her she's over=eating.

springflowers11 · 07/05/2017 20:41

If you are a guest and your host has provided you with a meal, it is really rude to criticise
.You were incredible rude- no wonder your MIL lashed back with the weight comment

EvansOvalPies · 07/05/2017 20:43

If you are a guest and your host has provided you with a third of the meal that everyone else had . . . it would be rude not to mention it.

Oliver Twist: "Please Sir, may I have some more?" comes to mind

paxillin · 07/05/2017 20:43

If you take the FitBit suggestion further, you could weigh your guests, quizz them about their activity and measure their portions precisely. What the hell, go further, make them share their FitBit data so they can't lie. What a fun meal that would be.

Or perhaps just serve them as much as they want and be a nice host, because you are sharing a meal with people you love.

Bluntness100 · 07/05/2017 20:44

Male and female have different calorie needs and if you are size 18 you are obviously overeating, I suggest you buy a fitbit, work out your TDEE and then plan your day around your calorie needs

Well, colour me amused because it doesn't get more deliberately goady than that 😂

Madmotherintheattic · 07/05/2017 20:46

So we're all dying here to find out how lunch was? I wouldn't have enjoyed breakfast evening after evening up the portions between DH and me, because I would feel annoyed, self-conscious, conflicted etc., and I wouldn't enjoy eating at lunch if I felt like MIL was judging me. She sounds mean. I was struggling with my own weight issues after 3rd DC and every time we went out with (slim) MIL she would finish a meal and say "oh god I feel so fat" or something like that afterwards, and it always left a horrid taste in my mouth because she obviously wasn't, and I obviously hadn't dealt with the baby weight. I expected a bit of support from DH but he was always oblivious of how passive aggressive that was. OP I hope you did manage to enjoy lunch, and I hope all these MN posts have shown you that YABU to think MIL was humiliated - she wasn't. I think you did the right thing not to go home, but if I were you I would have ended up with indigestion.

justgivemeamo · 07/05/2017 20:47

paxillion why stop there, why not go into all guests different foibles and issues.

Turn hosting and fun into new concepts

Gileswithachainsaw · 07/05/2017 20:47

Or people could you know, forget about penis portions once in awhile and share food equally

Chippednailvarnishing · 07/05/2017 20:50

Share food equally!??!

I'm shocked!

JustCallMekate · 07/05/2017 20:51

I was always taught to finish what was on my plate before adding more. I do think the OP was more focussed on what was on everyone else's plates instead of concentrating on her own. My MIL used to do the men size portions thing and it never bothered me as there was always plenty to refill my plate if I wanted more. She'd have been mortified if I'd marched round the table and taken food from my DH's plate. If anyone tried to take food off my plate they'd have got smacked fingers. That's just rude IMO. Judging by the OP's comments in her initial post she's had issues with her MIL before. If food had been an issue in the past I'd have taken extra for breakfast to ensure there was enough. There was no need to make such a song and dance about it and could have been easily avoided.

Lweji · 07/05/2017 20:53

Tack and sensitivity?

Great typo. Grin

justgivemeamo · 07/05/2017 20:56

Or people could you know, forget about penis portions once in awhile and share food equally

Shock no. I think some posters are opening up interesting concepts here. Each and everyone one of us has something slightly out of kilter, I think its great we can reach out to people over a simple breakfast and try and tackle their issues.

My Mil is obsessive about dirt. I could seat mil on a chair covered in filth, give her dirty used knives and forkes etc. Fil has anxiety about clutter and mess, we could junk up the table. Sil has issues over paying for things, so we could charge her a fortune for hers.....

Really liking the sound of this.

AgitatedGuava · 07/05/2017 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gileswithachainsaw · 07/05/2017 20:57

I know chipped what a concept.

What a horror it must be to live in a world where 10 sausages meant one each and not 2 people with four each and eight people slicing up the remaining 2 and pretending not to care...

justgivemeamo · 07/05/2017 20:59

If not I hope you grabbed stuff from other people's plates

No, she wouldn't have had too in a restaurant, its practice to serve set amounts. Imagine the outrage if chefs and waiters decided how much someone should eat and serve accordingly Shock

Moussemoose · 07/05/2017 21:00

JustCallMekate yes good grief don't make a fuss. If you make a fuss you might not be English. Yes let your mil provide you with one sausage and you should be grateful. Grateful for your sausage!
Don't make a song and dance say thank you for receiving significantly less food than a man. A say a big thank you on the way out for her concern about your weight.
I'm fine eating lettuce and air and you should be too.

Aaaaarrrrggggghhhhhhhhhhh

Lweji · 07/05/2017 21:01

I have the reverse at my work canteen. I have to stop them from putting too much food in my plate. The same with most hosts, in fact. It is odd for any host to decide how much a guest or anyone else except a child should eat.

Gileswithachainsaw · 07/05/2017 21:03

No, she wouldn't have had too in a restaurant, its practice to serve set amounts. Imagine the outrage if chefs and waiters decided how much someone should eat and serve accordingly

As opposed to the practice they adopt now which is to disguise PATHETIC portions by placing them on massive plates and slates and chopping boards and putting each part of the meal in some other object in the hope taht no one notice they in fact only have one slice of cucumber one cherry tomato and 4 chips with their now de constructed burger...

AgitatedGuava · 07/05/2017 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JustCallMekate · 07/05/2017 21:06

Mousse that is NOT what I said in my post. It's a fuss over nothing and if you read my post you will clearly see that. BTW I'm not English 🙄

justgivemeamo · 07/05/2017 21:07

Still what if it was a help yourself carvery and dh had got more, would it be ok to stand up march over and grab something

Grin But it would then be up to op to help herself to what she wants Grin at a help yourself carvery. She had no control here....it was served too her.

Lweji · 07/05/2017 21:08

Still what if it was a help yourself carvery and dh had got more, would it be ok to stand up march over and grab something.

I think the clue in that is that it would be a "help yourself" place. The OP would have wanted exactly what she wanted.

I do wonder if the MIL would still make any comments then.

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